


Boys beside Flowers

by sokosaturne



Category: Hana Yori Dango | Boys Over Flowers (Anime & Manga), 流星花園 | Meteor Garden (TV 2001), 流星花園 | Meteor Garden (TV 2018)
Genre: Algerian, Alternative Perspective, Angst, Arab Character, Bad Flirting, Bullying, Canon - Anime, Class Issues, Dorks in Love, Drama, Drama & Romance, F/M, Fanfiction, Fluff and Angst, France (Country), Harems, Idiots in Love, Lime, Manga & Anime, Paris (City), Passion, Passive-aggression, PoC, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:27:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 32
Words: 45,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25204711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sokosaturne/pseuds/sokosaturne
Summary: Louiza, 17, your basic french-algerian teenage girl!  Her everyday world shifts after her father's naughty fall! Then here she is, transported in another Paris! Freshly enrolled in an swanky high school, everyone could say that lady luck had been in a good mood... It's not to mention her meeting with the F4, a band of boys as posh as pretty. In particular the one with  Dalil, the leader of the band, who for some unknown reason takes a mischievous deligh in tormenting her...💐 A manga, an anime, a j-drama, a k-drama, more recently the 2018's taiwanese drama ... Have you ever wondered what it would give à notre sauce? If for example we were in a private high school in Paris, and Makino came from the french suburbs and Domioji changed a little his ethnicity?Don't worry, I promise not to distort the story! Well, not too much!🍡 A no-brainer rewrite of the cult shojo Hana Yori Dango better known as Boys Over Flowers!  (No need to have read it but frankly ... read it/ watch it!)🔔 warning : English isn't my first language! Don't hesitate to share any mistakes! Merci beaucoup! Hope you enjoy your reading!
Relationships: Doumyouji Tsukasa/Hanazawa Rui/Makino Tsukushi, Doumyouji Tsukasa/Makino Tsukushi, Hanazawa Rui/Makino Tsukushi, Matsuoka Yuuki/Nishikado Soujirou
Kudos: 3





	1. At first, the anticlimax

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza sits in class, rehashing the reason she ended up in such a weird situation!

The Swiss watches, the rings encrusted with precious stones, those bags made of material that you can guess juste by the smell, the manicured nails of girls who never touch detergent, I would like to say that they show off with all their luxury stuff but that would be lying. They wear it like second nature, a second skin.

I have no time to rage on my new routine that the registration form about the expensive school trip - and therefore not compulsory - falls into my hands with indifference. Some already have much better foreign destinations to visit, you see? I pass it on behind me, for other reasons I must say.

My name is Louiza Mazrani and I don't think there is a student more disappointed in life than I am.

It's been months, but I think I'll never get used to it. And no need to theorize about the reasons that mark the relatively lonely existence that I lead in this hutch: Bourdieu has done it enough for me.

"Oh heck, haven't you finished complaining soon?" I mean it's so stylish to be on the other side of the class struggle! Of those who don't have to struggle.

A fall and the year of recovery that followed are a meager sacrifice in the face of such an opportunity!

I would be stupid to spit on it.

So stupid.

And it's good because it rhymes with Sorbonne that I shut my mouth and that I agree to deal with it.

Also because it made my folks really happy.

I swear! At first I was too hyped! Well, it got me really pissed to transfer from the public where I was with all my friends to the private, but it was worth it. And even separated by fucking long metro lines, I still could get home. The best of both worlds, like Hannah Montana.

It was very naive.

Apart from the few students who were a little bit comfortable and this weird bobo leftist who thought she was doing charity work by talking to me, no one really cared about me. I was hanging out with Camille whom I knew from the drawing club. At the time we had lessons together, but he had finally disappeared. You can not imagine my surprise when I found him here a parting in his hair and his perfectly-fitting tie knot. He had lived the dream! His parents had won the pactol at the lottery but instead of spending everything in a vacuum like morons, they invested in real estate.  
I wonder my parents would have done instead ...

I don't want to think about it.

My father is a complete fool. He's a nice guy! And I love him more than anything. But he's a complete fool. He is too gullible for his own good. And if I'm here, it is because of - or thanks to, as he likes to think - this credulity.

When he fell from his ladder and broke his two legs, we did not expect that the outcome of this story would be that the elder daughter of the janitor would receive a scholarship in a prestigious parisian high school. No. More like all the administrative paperwork concerning the assumption of responsibility of my father by the state and an intervention of the healthcare.

It would have been it if the reason he fell from his ladder was not because a kid had tried to throw himself out the window.

Dad had cushioned his fall.

Glaucous as fuck.

But everyone was fine. More or less.

At first it was a mystery. I was so shocked! When Harmonie, my best friend, asked me about the reasons that led the student to make such a drastic decision, I realized.

I hadn't thought about it more than that. If he had tried to get to the top of the second floor of the building, it was probably to kill himself. Ok, it's sad. But I had other thoughts going on at the time: like "is mom going to have to find a job", or "are dad's allowances going to cover this mess? "

But, I ended up to understand quickly.

It hurts not to know who you are.

It hurts to realize it once you hit the ground. Today, I understand it a little.

I don't like this place, I don't like the silence that rises in there. I often seem to hear myself screaming though.

"You rubbish !! I hope you will choke on a 5-star restaurant! "

I tweet it, I yell it. But that's the only thing I can do. It's easy to talk when no one sees you. When there are no consequences arising from it.  
I know it's loose, but it helps me feel better.

"Nicolas Leclair in terminal 3! He has it! The red card in his locker! I saw it "

I do not know who of the buffoon who shouted his name in the course, or of this band of followers who will either do not care, or decide to get involved I hate the most.

Oh yes. I do.

It must be me.

Because when Nicholas LeClair runs past me like an arrow, terrified and lost, the only thing that crosses my mind is the hope that I won't be next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it this far! thank you very much! It's a bit confusing to translate the jokes and stuff in French...but the worst is yet to come...  
> I hope you'll get further tho...C'mon, one more chapter?


	2. Red card

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza knew he was trouble when he walked in.

I like to scream, perched on the dusty steps of the old emergency exit. Because there is a good echo and that from above, we are hidden by the brambles of the red roses that climb on the walls. I am often surprised that nobody zones here, so I made my room out of it. For when I can't take it anymore.

I didn't know Nicholas LeClair. But what I do know is he didn't show up in class today.

And frankly, there's nothing surprising.

The red card in the locker was easily the worst thing that could happen to you in this school. It started last spring. A boy had the misfortune to speak badly to one of the F4's members. He ended up with a fucking red card in his locker. At first, he had just been ghosted by all his friends. Then it worsened. He started get bullied on all sides. I was not there to attend, but since then it has become commonplace. At first when I was told, I thought it was a bad joke. But this thing was serious.

And it was scary as hell.

I do not know what they wanted, but given the satisfied expression that displayed the F4, it did not smell good.

F4.

Ok: this name is completely ridiculous. They're not the ones who call themselves that. Fortunately. This band of cheeky first-grader who didn't even wore their uniforms were benefiting and flaunting their privileges in front of everyone. From the scraps of conversations concerning the mythology of the school that I had heard, the "4" came from the number of their members and the F from ...Well ... Flowers.

Because apparently they were just as beautiful as flowers.

I don't know where the inventor had been looking for this stupid idea. But truth be told, I've never really seen close enough to be able to confirm. The idea was silly enough to give me a sheaf.

The breath of wind dragged a brown lock on my face, I brought it back into my braid before sighing a good blow to give me courage.

In general, I try to avoid the canteen. Not only because I look so silly with my sandwich box and my Cristalline bottle, but especially because I have the threshold of not being able to eat the same thing as these rich kids. It smells freaking delicious.

If I could, I would spend all my time with Camille, but he is in the scientific branch. So we have neither the same class nor the same schedules. But it's nice to have the illusion of being a normal high school student. I just need to ignore the potted plants that color the cafeteria.

Camille is too kind for his own good. I think the N. Leclair case was enough to shake him pretty badly. He was in bad shape and his skin was as white as my uniform shirt.

"I'll get you some water ok?" 

"No, Louiza don't worry!" "

"I insist, I'm going to look for you-"

But before I could say anything, hir chair scraped on the floor. Maybe it would be good form him to take a walk ...

I was quietly biting into my tuna sandwich when the sound of a shattering glass reasoned in the room.

His tray hit the chest of a passing boy. And it was not that bad. He apologized, ashamed, with the shyness of a newcomer. His brown locks covered his face, and the boy eventually backed away before accepting his apology before leaving.

This is what should have happened.

Maybe it would have happened like that if he had soiled someone else's clothes. Given the damages, this stain was not about to leave. It was everywhere on his chest, like blood flowing, a grotesque red.

In reality, these excuses remained suspended in the void, in the echo of the room which suddenly fell silent.  
Even I saw the lease coming and I didn't like it.

A snap of the tongue. It's the first sound I ever heard him make. He pushed the strands of hair from that sort of ridiculous perm he wore, clearing his face. Angular, powerful features. Perhaps softened by the soft and dull appearance of his skin, the aquiline nose whose lines crossed at the intersection of the huge barrages of his eyebrows. And the darkest eyes I've ever seen. I could have appreciated the beauty that emanated from him if this rat face was not put to speak.

He slipped his hand over his well-groomed beard before spinning the tray on the ground a few meters away.

"What are you going to do about it?" "He asked Camille, so slowly and coldly that I felt my hairs stand on end.

" Sorry! II will pay the pressing ” grumbled Camille, equally intimidated.

He sneered as he turned to his minions who looked more annoyed than anything else.

"Y'all heard that? He's going to pay! Do you mean I can't afford it? You'll compensate me? "

"No ... that's not what I meant ... it's just that ..."

"You can no longer speak. Your parents didn't teach you too?? Look in what state I am in because of your bad manners ... "

Camille was trembling next to me. Which I could understand. On the one hand, I wanted to run away. On the other ... Maybe I was looking for revenge.

After all it was his fault. He was the indirect cause of the fall. The Broken legs. The Frustration.

"Licks, and I'll wipe the slate clean. "

I would not have taken these words seriously if he had not stretched his fucking expensive sneakers in front of our noses. I thought it was a bad joke. A normally constituted human-being could not come out with such nonsense. But that guy was serious.

"He said he was sorry. Don't you see that you scaring him? "

Dalil looked at me for the first. Obviously, he hadn't noticed me before. And the contemptuous look with which he looked at me made me want to kick him even more.

"That explains your bad manners ..., he concluded with a grimace, can I know with who I'm dealing with?" 

"With a person who is tired of seeing another person act as if he has the upper hand over everyone."

I squeezed when he giggled. Looking visibly amused or irritated. I couldn't say.

"I don't understand what you're talking about, articulate. "

"Leave him alone, d'you get it?" "

"Is this a demonstration of solidarity of the working class people? "

His friends laughed at his silly remark and I wanted to crush his face in the wall. 

"Lick it yourself in this case, to defend your friend. Maybe I'll leave him alone after that. "

Fuck. It's annoying me. How he speaks, how he acts. It's not his canteen, it's not his school. It's not even this shitty bastard's city. 

"Scumbag, I ain't likin your dirty ass, understood?" "

He must not have appreciated the insult and the familiar tone because his expression was totally tense.

"Repeat you little ..."

"I said, fuck you scumbag, I ain't licking anything, got it this time?"

Maybe I shouldn't have approached him despite my small size. Maybe I shouldn't have lifted my chin as if I was going to slap his face. I might not have been able to keep my eyes off even if I got lost in its black orbes.

Maybe I shouldn't have studied his jaw to know which side to aim for to make sure I tore his molar apart.

But when he left the cafet' after having looked down on me for two good minutes, my legs had let go.

It must have been the landing. I was regaining consciousness. The one from before. Like when I was little.

In the fourth grade, a boy laughed at a painting of Harmonie. I broke one of his tooth.

Then in middle school, there was one who tried to take a photo under her skirt. I broke his cell phone, then I broke one of his tooth.

Obviously each time, I ended up in disciplinary council. I ate fucking red cards.

At the time, I found it unfair but still a little cool. Because I was a football fan and it brought me a little closer to my idols and a certain idea of justice.

It meant that I had made a mistake. But it also meant that I did what I thought was right.

Maybe that's why when I saw it put up against my locker the next day. I thought my heart would come out of my chest out of fear, but to some extent also out of joy. That perhaps I had found the girl I used to be, without the glitters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's such a trashy kid!! 
> 
> In French, Louiza says : "La putain de ta race" which is a really common (and insulting) slur here. I'm doing my best to translate it, but ...In English it doesn't sound 1% as violent as it does in French...Keep that in mind lmao


	3. Weed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza presents the cast

"And them? Who are they?" asked Camille, unfortunately in a different class group than mine. Seeing the people he pointed, I sighed. Aside from the fact that I felt like I was in this scene from Twilight, I hadn't thought it would end hitting on me again.

"It's a group of boys who make law here. They are sophomores, I can't wait for them to get out. "

"They look familiar. Camille commented, throwing a glance over his shoulder. He, who had arrived during the year ... And so late. Of course he's impressed. I was going to have to explain it to him. Or rather, warn him.

“The tall, well built guy with long hair and clear eyes is Alistair Melevine. His mother has a very high position in the Louvres, or whatever and his father is a Russian business manager. Maybe that's why he likes old things. He only hangs out with girls older than him, smells like the Oedipus complex! "

“He is often stuck with Silas N'dong Obame. His skull shines as much as his shoes and his teeth ... But don't be fooled by his laddy-killer smile and his pretty words. He's a freaking fuckboy and he's also the son of the Gabonese ambassador. "

"Casanova and Dom Juan, hun" quipped Camille with a raised eyebrow. I could only approve of the references. Fuckboys. The libertines of our century, nameless playboys.

"And the big bearded guy in the middle there?" who is it continued Camille. I rolled my eyes.

"So this one ... He's fucking megalomaniac. Look at the way he walks and his overpriced face. I don't know his first name because everyone calls him "Dalil". From what I know, one of his parents even had a parentage with the Emir of Quatar. "

"Dalil ... Like ... Al Dalili ... The Oil conglomerate? "

My silence and their round eyes were enough. Hell, yes. 

"If everyone is rich here, there are only beggars compare to him. "

"You are not the only Arab in the school in this case!" » commented Camille. I stuttered a little. He was mistaken on a few small details but I imagine that explaining to him that the Algerians and the Qataris were not the same kind of Arabs would have been too long and too complex.

"And the lonely boy over there?" Is he..."

I tried to hold back but I couldn't help but blush. Not just because his hair was the fairest I have ever seen or his eyes as green as mine, but mostly because I didn't understand that someone as delicate as he could hang around with this bunch of assholes.

"Him, I know him! Screamed Camille, it's Louis Hélier! He comes from a family of French aristocrats. Her grandfather wa involved in politics, right? "

I nodded.

I often found myself watching him. He could always be with them, his small size, his pale complexion and his puny air was something far too fragile and angelic. I remember the week of my return, to make fun of me, my classmates made me believe that it was up to me to empty the trash - the daughter of the janitor stuff, well you see - I had the misfortune to leave a pile of cardboard behind me. Their group has passed. Do you think they pushed the pile that blocked the path? These bastards kicked a gig, I don't even think they noticed me. It was the Friday of my first week and I wanted to cry.

But Louis stopped. He observed the pile with this very troubled expression before starting to put everything back in place. In the end, he smiled. I was so confused that I couldn't do anything. Besides, I don't even think he noticed me, because he left as if nothing had happened. It had perked me up. Maybe there were good people, that it was worth it. I shouted "thank you" as loud as possible.  
I wonder if he heard.

The worst part was that it was not the only time he had saved me. A few weeks later, some boys had started making advances to me in a corner, probably thinking that I was a "michto", an easy girl. They had seen me go up to take refuge in the stairwell, thinking that no one would surprise us. But it was wrong. Louis was there with his violin. I don't know what would have happened if he hadn't intervened.

"You're noisy ..." he commented, cutting from his obviously annoyed piece.

"Help me, please" I begged.

I don't know if it's more for me or for him, and I think I don't care but he answered my request. He must have been a good person.

"Get out of there." He had said disdainfully. After that, Louis gave me a look before he left. I never thanked him for that. I've often encouraged myself to do so, without ever succeeding. This is surely the reason why I often took myself observing him. Who knows ... I had the illusion of thinking that this time, I'd be able to.

I think I would have liked to see him again, because discovering all the insults noted on my bench the day I received my card I, again, wanted to cry.

Not from sadness. We are sad for the people we love. Or for those we would like to be loved by. In this case, it was more of frustration. Because this bullshit has multiplied. I was sure my bullies would go easy on me 'cause I was a girl.

What a joke.

Between the trash thrown in my locker or the eggs I caught on fly from the 3rd, I had enough. Camille looked really uncomfortable, but to prevent a new student freshly arrived that still had all their schooling from being eaten too, I told him that it was no longer worth it. The first few days were relatively painful. I always popped into the metro toilet to wash off before going home. I didn't want anyone from my neighborhood to find out. It would have been such a shame. I had had my dose of humiliation. Me, Louiza the happiest girl in the whole building: I smacked pretty good. And knowing my people: they would want to take a fight after school. But I didn't want them to have any problems with the cops, and with these rich ass kids, no chance it would end well.

I stopped eating at the canteen, instead I went spitting my threshold on the old steps, observing the brambles of dry rose buds, awaiting the first summer heat to hatch.

"I would like to learn from your petals, but especially from your spikes that never die. What is the point of being beautiful like a flower? It fades, it dies. I'm not like that bunch of morons who only survive in a greenhouse. I am a solid plant, which holds summer, which holds winter!

"Your dirty F4, may Allah chastise you!" "

If I had expected a laugh.  
I immediately turned around, red of shame and when I discovered him sitting a little higher, I wanted to throw myself by the railing.

It was Louis.

Louis Helier.

And he was making fun of me.

"Nice poem. Too bad the end sucks. "

I couldn't say anything, and after that, he started going down the stairs, passing me before disappearing into the building.

I have thought about it often. I didn't know what to say about it.

While I was emptying my bag of all the crushed chalk that had been thrown in it, I felt eyes on me. Looking up, I saw him perched at the second story window. This imbecile of Dalil. His smug expression. The bastard looked down on me, and I knew very well what he was looking for. He wanted me to move. From his school, from its wake. After all, it was true. It wasn't my place. I was there by chance. I was their shield. So that the school doesn't have to worry. From the moment my father took off his janitor's uniform and I had put on the skirt and jacket with the school symbols sewed on I, I had become a parasite.

I thought about it, whereas after the meal I came to isolate myself before classes.

"It's true after all ... I'm just a weed. "

"A gooey weed, I would say"

This voice was familiar to me, even though I had heard it very little. It sounded like a dream, except that we were swimming in nightmares. I was so embarrassed that I didn't say anything. Frankly, it was the cherry on top.

"Are you the one who always screams up here?" "

My pout must have spoken for me because Louis laughed.

"What's it in your hair?" "

"Eggs ..." I smirked. After all, it was also his fault!

"You are responsible! I threw at him, taking a new impetus.

"Not really. I don't care about others. "

He said that so seriously, I didn't know if I could believe it.

"Why do you hang out with these guys if you pretend you don't care about others?" "

"It's good because I don't care about others that I hang out with them."

I frowned, he was way too cheeky for a boy who was barely taller than me. Maybe he was reading in my head because another sneer escaped him.

"Don't try to scrape infos from me. I don't care. You should leave the establishment as soon as possible. "

I don't know why, I felt disappointed. Disappointed to have thought that he was the prettiest, the sweetest, the nicest. 

Or disappointed to understand that in reality, it was true. I was a weed, climbing and sticky and the more, they'll want to make me leave, the more I'll want to cling on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaah the translation part is so frustrating!! I'm doing my best though...
> 
> I hesitated a moment before giving Dalil a link with oil, I have a very vague idea of the existing clichés covering the "Arab" population since it varies a little for the Maghrebis's one (the Arabic people from North Africa!). But hey, Hana Yori Dango is basically a cliché, moreover it does plays with those clichés a lot! I will be careful despite everything !! Don't hesitate to share your thoughts about it!


	4. d. Us against the world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Dalil finds himself staring at the ground

"17 years old and considering how you left, you will end up solo!" mocked Silas, soon followed by Alistair.

I rolled my eyes as usual, and as usual I knew very well it was going to end with my fist in his shoulder. I had a designated place there, it stood out with the purplish trace that grew under his black skin. In exchange I had the same bruise. Less darker, because Silas always hit me less harder.

"You should find yourself a girlfriend." It would soften you. "

This is what Alis strives to repeat. But I just think it will weaken me. To illustrate my point, a yawn escaped Louis's mouth, confirming my basic idea.

I wouldn't get caught in this shit, no chance.

I didn't give a damn about girls. They were nuisance and only had a thing for my money or status. I did not understand why they insisted on hanging out with those hoes, even for sex.

It was beyond me.

Since they started dating chicks last year, they have become untenable. If only I had been able to seek support from Louis, but these haggard eyes seem constantly lost somewhere in a distant continent.

Every day looked the same. It was already the case before the wedding, but it got worse. I would have seriously started petering if I hadn't found a more entertaining activity. I couldn't take it anymore.

Neither psychiatrists nor pills. And if it weren't for the guys, I don't think I would ever even bother getting up in the morning. Finally, it's always less worse than suffocating in the solitude of the dry heat of my homeland.

Another year to go. What a pain.

The cards had been a good way to entertain me, and above all to avoid too many people sticking to us. Sometimes, I tell myself that it would have simplified everything to have home classes. But I wanted to get away from this place as much as possible. After all, that's why I convinced my parents to send me to abroad. It had been unmanageable in middle school. If our experiences diverged somewhat, all four of us had come to the same conclusion. We swore that it would never happen again.

Because of fear, the others keep their distance, and when a naive-way-too-reckless idiot thinks he can slip between the nets, we play a little with him. They take these things too lightly. I don't want their friendship neither their love. And I don't care what morals or ethics think of it. There are no such things. Except for the four of us, maybe.

I do not need value, I am one all by myself.

This is why when this bitch of a shitty scholarship holder gave me her valiant demonstrations of friendship in the cafeteria, I had to put her ideas back in place. She really had the look of these self-proclaimed Arabs from here. And these ridiculous attempts to raise the Grand Soir frankly made me want to slap her. But despite her gaze, I've seen her trembling fists. She wasn't so oblivious after all, so I left. All it took was a piece of paper, a message to the right person.

It was absolutely out of the question for this beggar to think she had the power to do anything to us.

It would go quickly.

The others would take care of her for me, and soon she would go back to crawling on the asphalt, where she belong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeh, change of point of view! Dalil is so mean...


	5. Something like an Intifada

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza can't hold back her revolutionary genes

“I still wonder what King Midas would think of it. "

A sneer escaped Louis, and my cheeks a little red with shame and tenderness, I let my eyes loose themselves in the vague, far away from his face.

"Donkey ears right? It is surely the case ..."

For the n-th time, I found myself yelling on the steps. And honestly, I suspected he had found my secret Twitter. He was taking too much pleasure in mocking my distress.

Another chuckle confirmed that the little voice in my head was right; I was ridiculous.

"If you could yell at him like you're doing here, I wonder what it would be like. "

Yeah, not so sure.

The face of this bastard of Dalil came back in my mind. Instinctively, I winced. I'd love to kick him a few times. If it had been another guy, this matter would have been settled quickly. But life had decided to make me frequent the privileged people of this unjust world.

"Hmm"

"Well, haven't I told you already?" You are a weed, the simple fact that you're growing in a greenhouse is an act of protest, itself. "

And like that, he got up and disappeared into the old fire escape. All I could do was mull over those words.

There was plenty to do.

Maybe that was what made me draw the wrath of others. No matter how much I denied this reality, I was experiencing bullying. And just the fact that I was not when in a first phase of the phenomenon was enough to make my hair stand on end. I was pissed, annoyed, and revolted.

What had I done wrong, seriously?

Is it that bad to be who I am?

"I am a slimy weed!" And that's why I'm going to stick them until they crawl at my feet "

That's what I repeated to myself as I put my cereal in my mouth the next morning. My brother Sully stared at me with a mixture of incomprehension and admiration.

“Bitch? "

But I didn't have time to answer him. Even in Rome, I'ill never do like the Romans.

I was going to be discreet but still sharp. 

He would end up getting bored and leaving me alone. I have to stop thinking and act intelligently.

I will stay. I will hold on. I will succeed.

It's in my nature, all I can do is push. As far as possible

It is surely out of pride. I was not guided by anything else.

But after the gym class, when I returned to my locker and saw that the pair of 100-ball moccasins that the parents had given me - because my according to them my Reebooks were not suitable - were covered with white dust, I went berserk.

First I took off my shoes, grabbed that fucking red card and ran barefoot to the foyer in the attic of the building. They colonized the place it was theirs.  
It must have shocked them that I arrived without being invited. I was out of breath after climbing all the stairs so far.

"What's your fucking problem?" I threw as I tumbled into the room.

They turned to face me, rather surprised to see me disembark.

"I don't remember ringing the janitor?" Dalil commented.

He turned to his friends who shrugged. Silas and Alistair who were playing on the console gave me a funny look. Dalil when he frowned his huge eyebrows, his carnivorous smile still on his face.

I bit my lip.

This dog. He disgust me.

This minute of inattention was fatal to him because I pushed him. He lost his balance before falling to the ground.

In the meantime I had already thrown the leftover chalk from my bag over his face.

"Listen to me asshole, I know very well what you want. "

I put my bare foot on his chest, to prevent him from getting up. He was going to taste the joys of being looked down on. I still didn't get over last time.

"I know very well what you want. I'm not going to do it. Keep sending your dogs because you're a coward, understood? "

I must have taken him by surprise because he said nothing more, except looking at me with his confused expression, his face covered with chalk. Ah! How I would have liked to take a pic! If only ridicule could kill ...

Taken by this sudden impulse, I quickly noted something on the red card I had loaded before sticking it on his forehead. Waw.

There he was. As beautiful as a thousand flowers!

I laughed, unable to help it. I was not the only one, moreover.  
Alistair and Silas were already taking a picture of him with their three-lens smartphones.

It was then that I met Louis's gaze. He looked genuinely surprised, I blushed while looking down. After all, I had only been good to imagine yelling at them in the stairwell.

And what now?

What do he thinks of me?

I was a savage?

I had courage?

I left before I knew it, the question of one of them floating in the air.

"Is it Arabic?" What's written? "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The king ears are donkey ears! This one make me smile, the idea fits the characters so much, this chapter doesn't look as good as he does in French but still...What will King Midas think ?


	6. d.- I may have find it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Dalil thought he may have found what he's been looking for

"Don't you dare laugh" I growled, peeling off the red paper she had labeled on my forehead. Of course, they didn't hold back. I had to take care of deleting all the pics they had taken without my knowledge, but for now: I had other problems.

"What's written on it?" Louis asked, still sitting on the sofa.

The other two walked over, their eyes shining with curiosity. And I thought I exploded with rage when I read what she had had the nerve to write down with her bad middle-school girl calligraphy.

"Uh?"

"I'm dying to know what gets you so embarrassed, spit it out! "

"That's none of your business! I threw, getting up in a cloud of chalk. I coughed and it wasn't long before the others did.

"Open the window! Alistair cried and Louis complied, covering his face.

"We'll have to call someone to clean up!" "

"The janitor's daughter?" Silas tried. But now was not the time.

“I can't believe this rascal dared to insult me like that. She must surely be jubilant by now ... It's pissing me off! "

And if I had to be honest, she has all the rights to. 

"She annoys you but seeing her trampling on someone else's chest would kill you." Growled our Memes Lord, Silas.

The sneer in the back of Alistair's throat finished me off.

“Such a funny guy... "

"You have to admit that he is ..." confirmed Louis who in turn, smiled.

I felt my cheeks soak with blood again at their grotesque insinuations.

"By dint of hanging out with depraved people like you, I caught vices!" "

"Or you rather have a big sister complex!" 

“Don't compare my sister to this barbarian. Nah, but you saw her with that loose braid? Fucking savage. Tsss ... "

“I think you looked at her quite well! "

"From below, he had nothing else to do it!" Silas chuckled and I gritted my teeth.

I would have lied if I didn't admit that I still felt the sole of her bare foot against my chest. Despite the chalk stains on her face and the knots in her hair, I had almost found some sort of raw beauty in her fiery expression.

And the way she blushed...What was that?

It made me want to shoot myself.

That's why I hate women.  
They are ugly and then suddenly they stop being so strongly that it almost become an aggression, a challenge.

And that for a challenge ... The situation sure took an unexpected turn.

"How's named that wench?" 

“Louiza Mazrani, I think so?"

Mazrani Louiza ... I thought that those days while being bullied by her comrades would end up calming her, but it seems she was more resistant. Perhaps...This wasn't a bad thing. 

Because yes, I was stung in my pride and deeply annoyed but strangely, I felt something different. Something almost ... Pleasant.

It must have been the excitement of the hunter who found himself a prey.

Probably.

And although I must have looked like a complete fool covered in powder and seum, I couldn't help a carnivorous smile on my face.

I may have found it, something entertaining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Second chapter in that dumbass head! Hope you enjoy it...Well I feel like rap genius doing that shit but I'm gonna explain a couple of things about expressions used in the chapter you may not be familiar with. 
> 
> 1/ When Silas mocked Dalil, saying : "She annoys you, but seeing her trampling on someone else's chest would kill you."
> 
> It's the literal translation of a French "meme" laughing about the fact that no matter how pissing, boring, ridiculous your gf's activity/action could be, you still wouldn't want her to do it with someone else.The first person saying that was probably dead serious but for the fun, people tends to exaggerate it or includes really absurd thing in it. 
> 
> 2/ *Seum : a word in darija (maghrebian dialect) coming from the word "venom" in arabic. It means being pissed, angry ou disgusted. (I have the seum/)


	7. Afterwards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza faces unexpected consequences

"Did you write 'hmar' on his forehead?" 

"Pfff, I let go, quite proud of myself, he kept saying that he understood nothing of what I was saying. This time, he probably connected the dots.... "

Harmonie bit her lip, her eyes wide open.

"Girl... You're my goddess, I can't believe this! "

Frankly, I had been too badass. It was surely to compensate that larva-lifestyle I lived all this time. If my nose could have lengthened because of pride, it would have pierced Dalil by now, even in the depths of the last oil field.

I was feeling good. So good that it could become dangerous for my mental health. I must admit that our days off have fallen at the right time. It allowed me to forget it a bit and rest a little. 

I worked at the bakery with Harm, helping my mom with the housework, watching football with Sully and Papa. A normal, chill weekend where I looked a little more like what I used to be before I was paralyzed by fear.

I almost had the illusion that everything was finally in place. But that would've been a lie, I know that because someone else has been hanging around in my head the whole time.

Despite all the pride I had felt, my thoughts were mostly on directed on Louis.

The following week in high school ('cause yeah...we had to go back to Purgatory) I had expected this case to come out - he couldn't get out and get rid of that chalk dust without someone noticing. - But still, I tried to be discreet.

Even if deep down, I still hoped that it would be known. It was extrapolation but I already imagined something like a revolution, where I was the bearer of an uprising against Dalil's tyranny and his oligarchic squad.

And what a failure.

I'm not saying I had became popular, but frankly, I noticed smiles on my way. Maybe I was right. That they had woken up a bit...Did they thought I was cool?

The idea allowed me to walk in the yard a little more at ease. Although in reality, I knew that everything was not exactly settled.

Maybe it was because, strangely, everyone was looking at me with a different expression than the one they wore the week before. I felt that my rebellion had paid off. Who knows? Maybe I had started something bigger than me. I must admit, that I was not flattered. A local intifada...It didn't sound bad. Not at all. 

And then, I heard the violin. 

To test the waters, to have an excuse to talk to him, to really thank him. I dunno, I just followed my legs towards the stairwell and went into the garden obstructed only with brambles and dead leaves, following the music. I didn't really listen to classical music. Finally, there are the old instruments on dad's Egyptian music tapes, and that's it.  
However, when he plays, it's different. I find it hard to explain. I could listen to it for hours. The way he holds his violin, the contrast between the dark wood and the pallor of his skin. Everything that comes out of him seems so fragile, yet it reassures me. Enough to get me close.

The crackle of the branch under my sneakers really makes me wants to kill myself.

Louis stopped and his hazel eyes like the yellow leaves of autumn landed on me. His white eyebrows furrowed and I realized I had done something wrong.

"Sorry..I wanted ... Thank you. For the other time. "

He seemed to think about it for a moment before sighing.

"If I had known you would stalk me everywhere, I wouldn't have help you." "

“Sorry. But I'll leave you alone. Play like you were doing. We'll meet again in the stairwell! "

"In this case, I won't return."

The leaves flew all around us, yet I wasn't hurt by the harshness of those words. I recognize the bad guys and the weird ones. And he is really strange. I can not hold it against him, and worse, I can not wait to see him again. No matter where I meet him. Whatever he might say to me, to silence me or hurt me.

I must be strange too, that's what I was thinking as I left the large gate to head for the station. Crossing the metro line, to take the RER, and then to return home. It's seems different than usual, though. I am not tired, I have no time to change my clothes, nor to put on" a new face". Since at school I remain myself, well ... More cowardly.

I am punished for this moment of distraction because as I am about to cross the street, a black Mercedes lets me pass. I waved my hand to thank the conductor and unable to follow how, the next second there is one that encircles my wrist and a tissue landing on my nose. It smells too strong for me to ignore, too strong for me to stay awake.

Shit.

My thoughts are cottony.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

It's worse than the sleep appeal that gets me when I have morning class, when face is irremediatedably attracted to my sheet.

And what is it this time?

Organ trafficking?

Sexual trafficking?

No.

It’s almost worse.

Because of course, I'm scared! But not as much as I should. I know that there is a particular reason for the to be stolen in the middle of a frequent high street of the 15th arrondissement.

I...know...very...well...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter is a bit messy but still!! I'm looking forward to what's next to come!! I mean...Louis is so pretty


	8. No-brand girl!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza reminds Dalil of her name

When I open my eyes again, the light is too bright. I no longer have that smell in my nostrils and I hope I never have to deal with it again. Since I'm lying down, and naked, I tell myself that I might be wrong. Maybe it really is organ trafficking. For a second I would have preferred, this is the time I have left before a horrible, heartbreaking pain crosses my leg. I can't hold back a cry.

A strip of wax. Modern day torture. 

“She has a pretty complexion. It's a shame that she doesn't do more tanning sessions to avoid looking dull."

Beauticians? What the fuck? What the fuck? This is the only question that crosses me mind. Even if I ask them why am I here, how I got there, they don't answer. One of them puts on cream and perfumes that smell so good on me, eye shadow and lip gloss that probably cost an arm - and a leg -, all sort of those soft clothes I've seen on the internet, earrings that are sure made of gold.  
And still, no answers. When they finally makes me leave the room, not a little proud of their work, a sort of butler shows me the direction to take.

The fucking bourgeois house! I only need to take a look at the decoration for two seconds to understand where I set foot. My reflection shines on the immaculate tiles, and the footsteps echo against the walls covered with paintings (I even spotted a Renoir, bitch?)

It's not very big which is not surprising given that we are right in the middle of the district. Still, it's still a hundred times bigger than my home.

“He's waiting for you in the small living room, Mademoiselle. "

Small living room? He seriously said that? Is it too big to be a small living room? The little oriental flow wearing out of the so called "small living room" only reinforces my ideas, and I don't need to see his rat face sunk into a velvet armchair to understand who is behind it all.

"Welcome to my french home! He said getting up. My gaze wandered around the room before settling on a huge portrait of a woman far too beautiful to be real. She has perfectly smooth, blow-dry hair, and eyes as dark as the idiot standing in front of me. But nicer. 

"She's beautiful, isn't she? It's my sister. Can you repute the huge difference between you two? "

That was enough for me to regain my spirit a little.

"Dispute, you mean? "

He looked embarrassed and cleared his throat. What an idiot.

“In short, I imagine when you polish the stone you can get a diamond! "

"Can I know what that means?" "

He looked at me up and down, and smirked, looking satisfied before finally locking his eyes on my face. I have murder cravings.

“It's still better like that. Finally, if you stop frowning” Dalil commented.

I was about to yell at him again but before I had a chance he was behind me, his hands on my shoulders. I would have screamed at him to let go if my gaze had not met the girl in the mirror. 

Mashallah. I am really too cute. This is the first time that my foundation has been applied so well. So that's how good quality makeup do? Waw. It gives the darkening of my skin a presence that it doesn't naturally have, the glitter makes my eyes sparkly green, and the ashy waves of my hair have something less messy than usual.

And it's nothing compared to what I'm wearing, I don't need to see to know that we are far from basic ready-to-wear. I feel it against my skin. The waist belt falls too tight, the molding of the dress makes me look too pretty, the orange-pink and the other clippings suit me too well. I have a peachy complexion, and Ithis goes as far to the tips of my nails. But I'm not the only pretty person in the reflection, there's Dalil and his hands still on my shoulders. His hands that I push away.

" What do you want? "

"I bought a cell phone there for you to DM me. Better than that broken thing you're dragging,...What I mean is: I allow you to hang around me and DM me. But only outside school. "

This revelation let me speechless. I refuse to believe he really said that.

"Surprise, right? Well you will never be a substitute for my sister but ..."

I don't really understand why he keeps mentioning his sister. Maybe because he misses her or has a big mental problem, but I think my brain understands what it involves. Overpriced clothes, make-up, hairstyle. Whore. He is crazy!

"You ... I don't even dare to say it, it's so ridiculous ... Are you ... buying me?" "

The expression on his face tells me I'm right. I can't believe it.  
It was probably because it consisted of an easy heel that I took the shoe off and swung it in his direction.

“Hey! "

While he was trying to avoid the projectile, I stoppedache the fake eyelashes and rubbed the gloss before undoing my hair.

“Bring me my uniform. I ordered in a whisper as I unbuckled the belt.

"Isn't that what you wanted?" "

If he was kidding me I think I would have taken it less badly but given the bar formed by his eyebrows, the guy was really confused. I see. Thanks to this shitty collective imagination. He took me for some kind of gold digger obviously. I want to vomit. I feel so insulted.

"You serious about that? D'you think you can throw away your money at anyone just to play with people? How old are you? "

"I'm just old enough to stop acting naive like you are. I don't understand why you insist on pretending, 'cause frankly Louiza, there is absolutely nothing in this world that you can't buy."

“Bring me my uniform back. Right now. I'll reimburse you for the makeover "

"But how dare you lecture me like that?" You know who I am? I am a brand from head to toe. "

“And I'm a no-brand girl. I have no brand, no title. My value does not lie in the number of 0's on your account. Don't line me up with all those people who keep messing around with you outside. "

That must have been enough for him to close his mouth, because after that he left the room with his fists clenched. He had looked really confused and for a second I felt sorry for him, because you had to be an awful moron to think that way. I ended up recovering my uniform, and my heart still full of seum, I left his huge house in the great courtyard before heading for the road. The path was paved and all around there were only beautiful parisian appartements. Large, luxurious and overpriced. The Paris to which I did not belong.  
With all this, I forgot my shoes.

" Shit! No way I go back to this crazy guy! "

At the same time a vespa passed in front of me. When the driver slowed down before stepping back in my direction I was afraid they would call the cops. But no. It was Louis.

“Always so noisy!" he laughed. I felt like my heart would come out of the chest.

"What are you doing here?" He threw at me.

I must have had one of these quickdraws. I tried to rub the makeup in the bathroom before leaving Dalil's place.  
I was disgusted. Because in the end even though I had tried to defend myself, I couldn't counter what he said. It annoyed me so much.

"Say... Do you think there's something money can't buy?" 

Louis Helier looked up, at the sky, as if to think about it seriously.

"The air! "

He threw out this ridiculous evidence with so much glee that I couldn't hold back a laugh. And that's when for the first time he smiled at me.

"You should put this on. It's a bit big but it's better than looking like a mad woman! "

He handed me a pair of athletic shoes and oversized socks before taking off on his vespa.

Maybe all that dumb shit was worth it, even though I hate it. Because today I'm sure of one thing, It's not just air that is priceless. There are also the smiles.

His. Maybe more than the other's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is so absurd like;...WTF?? The original material does age well though. Even if the pick-me line ''i'm not like the other girls' doesn't make sense with what she probably meant in the 90's manga. I like to imagine how a basic-millenial_genZ Tsukushi would be like, I'm experiencing it through Louiza..  
> But, how would you do it?
> 
> \+ about the gold-digger/collective perception : in France they are really harmful clichés going around women from North African descent. One of them is the idea of the "michto"; (word from romani origin) here used to describe a girl who's looking for successful, rich, famous men just so she can get something from them (money, fame..) it's...negative. 
> 
> I probably gonna explore this idea (and other stereotypes et prejudices about this in this story! But don't worry, I'll try to explain every time! Don't hesitate to share your thoughts on it!)


	9. Heartsauce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza get her heart stewed in the hothouse plant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary of the previous chapter: Louiza, unhappy to have been taken for a "michtoneuse" left Dalil's house without her shoes, and she would surely have come home barefoot, if Louis Helier had not arrived to rescue her on his vespa. .

He was upset.

Normal? I don't know, but in any case : it made sense. But looking at the tons of notifications accusing me of being a whore, a bitch, a slut or "begone thot" and whatnot, I though he was too much.

After putting my insta on private mode and blocking out some words, I stared at my reflection in the mirror and tried to smile at it before realizing that I was clenching my teeth.

That's why I tumbled in, running, and what luck I had! to find this asshole leaning against a bench as if nothing had happened!

"You call yourself a Muslim?" Do you know what a serious sin it is to accuse someone? Where are your four witnesses? The void filling my sexual life is none of your business!"

These four looked at me, dumbfounded. After that Dalil opened his mouth to say something.

"Did you come all this way to tell me you were a virgin?" 

This time it was I who blushed. But it was more of anger than shame.

"I came to tell you it was none of your concern, dumbass!"

After that, I threw the first gravel I found on the ground at him before I ran away.

I hate it. I hate it so much. Silas and Alistair had good reasons to laugh about it, but I didn't find that very funny. I would have gone to my hideout in the hope of meeting Louis, but it was already time to go back to class.

Of course, they continued to look at me like a leper. It annoyed me. In fact, I knew very well that behind their airs of good Christians, there were some people here who lived an existence of debauchery. What hypocrisy it was to blame me for it. Frankly, 21th century? It was my body after all, so I couldn't care less about their opinion. On the other hand, wanting to make me feel bad for something as personal as my privacy made me so fucking sick.

When I returned to class, Jacinthe, Iris and Rose, the three insta-name after flowers- influencer-wannabe were talking about me.

“It's really horrible to talk about sexuality like that! "

"Really...Cavemen ..."

“Slut-shaming is really the worst thing in the world."

Considering the look of pity on their faces, they were more on my side, a first I must say. At least, about it. Feminism is good after all!

I had perhaps judged them a little quickly. It was starting to become a habit. I was picking up on these bad habits of these bourgeois, and that only made me disgust at myself more.

"You have to change your mind! Jacinthe threw in, pushing her red hair back behind her.

" Yes! Confirmed Rose, after all: you have to clear your mind. It's better for mental health! "

“Cyber-harassment truly the bane of our time! " said Iris.

I found it a little cheeky in their mouths but hey ... Maybe this realization made them understand. It is true that apart from me, the F4 never attacked any girl before.

"How about you go out with us tonight?" It'll do you good, won't it? "

"A girls...night?"

It's been so long. Well. By girls night, I mean pijama parties, but frankly who has not dreamed of a trip with a couple of friends in La Ville Lumières . I could convince my parents.

"And Hmm ... Uh it's not really my thing but ..."

“You could give it a try! "

" Yes! "

And on those pretty resolutions, the classes ended and I went home to prepare. Obviously my wardrobes were not crumbling under the BCBG clothes, but I'll probably find a blouse or a skirt that would do the trick! With a few accessories and a little lipstick, it could be okay.

Besides, it was a stupid girls night so ... Nothing to worry about. I pulled on one of my high neck blouses from Zara and some well cut high waisted pants. Seeing myself in this classic style seemed weird to me, but since the uniform : I got used to it. Not unhappy with the result, I went out explaining to my parents that I was going to see a play for French class. Usually I would use that excuse to go chill out at Harm's, but since it still worked ... It took me a while and a bit of courage in the transportations to find the place.

"You have arrived at your destination" blurted out the girl from Waze. I locked my phone and walked in. This is where I felt I screwed up. Me? Classic? Bitch. The men are in suits, the women in cocktail dresses, and I look more like a waitress than a guest. For a second I thought about faking a diarrhea and running away, but Iris called out my name in the crowd.

"It took you a long time, Louiza!" 

Jacinte, Rose and Iris appeared in front of me. Brushing on, shiny with high lighter and sparkling diamonds that were certainly not rhinestones.

"Sorry ... I had to find the place so ..."

"I suspect it" Rose chuckled. I tightened my grip on the Pull and Bear handbag that Harm 'gave me for my birthday. I didn't like this atmosphere at all...

"On the other hand, I continued, without being able to prevent myself from observing the people around, you had told me that it was a night out with you girls ..."

“Maybe we should have warned you about ready-to-wear clothes” Jacinthe sneered. 

Ooooh.

“It always makes me laugh how these cheap versions of branded Haute-Couture are successful!" Commented Iris.

"I ... I think I'll go home," I sighed, my voice shaking. But as if my life wasn't bad enough, a man came out of nowhere and handed me his dirty plate, thanking me with a nod of his head before leaving. Iris, Jacinthe and Rose burst out laughing, and my cheeks were burning with shame and anger. Seriously?

I set the plate down with a thud, and as I was about to leave for good, a younger boy stopped me. What now?!

“I don't work here!” I spat, turning around, and he cringed before running a hand through his hair, before slipping it over his tie knot.

"I didn't take you for an employee, Mademoiselle, I noticed you with your friends. You are, rather singular."

"And is that a problem?" 

" No! On the contrary ... I said it more ... As a compliment. He tweaked his hair and his tie knot again and I relented. I had ... Caught his attention? Suddenly, I had a little more confidence in my high ponytail. But obviously ... It was too good to last.

“She's "beurette" like there are plenty of others around this city, nothing unusual in short. » Jacinthe. Again. I thought about what would look my foot on her head. I thought about it so hard.

"We are with her at school, she only messes with boys to get something out of them. Just last month she was away, probably to cover yet another abortion. "

Sorry? How can you talk about such nonsense so quickly and with so much confidence? I thought I would pass out! I was shocked by all the shit she was inventing to get me dirty.

At that moment, the boy, probably too scared of those sheitanas, disappeared, and a little light lit up in my head. Instagram posts from this morning! It wasn't Dalil.

"It was you bitches .. What's this fucking Mean Girl cosplay?"

"Shut up, you don't seem to want to stay in your place"

"Rather, it was the glances you throw at Louis and his clique that came straight out of a Disney Channel Original Movie..."

"How does that concern you? "

"You're wasting your time," Jacinthe continued. "Didn't you think they might be interested in a sad cliché like you? "

A sad cliché. I imagine it was true. Perhaps that was the only true things they ever said. But I'm not just a sad cliché. I'm also an angry cliché. What did I do to them? What did I do to all these people so that they came to me and treat me with so much contempt, so much hatred, it's as if I'm organizing le Grand Soir in the cellar! What did I do to be treated like a second-rate character? Why am I given things to see them being taken back afterwards, why everything has to slip through my fingers without even being given a chance to pursue them?

And as if to confirm to me that I was the dumbest girl this Earth has carried, Rose poured the contents of her cup on my head. Al least...It would hide the tears that were borning deep in my eyes.

I was flattered that this boy came to talk to me, I admit. And even that they had to take it from me. In addition to the glass of champagne on the face. How was I going to explain this to my mother?

"No, but seriously, come down to earth, Cinderella." Stop zipping Louis, everyone saw you. "

" It's disgusting. Especially since the poor boy didn't ask for anything. "

“He already has someone. So stay in your lane. Got it? See the exit over there? Enjoy the rest of the evening. "

And like that, they walked away, laughing. The evening had surely started for them, and I was going to have to take the RER to go home. I had been made such a fool of. What an idiot.

He has someone. Louis has someone. Obviously. I'm so stupid. I don't even know why it bothers me. It is not normal. We barely spoke. Surely it's just humiliation. But why does it hurt so much?

Girls know how to be cruel. It is surely because they are more emphatic. They know exactly what hurts. Argggh !! I blame myself for having thought that they were on my side !! The witches!! The little voice in my head whispers to me that it's enough for today and that I'd better get inside, but instead, I can't stop my eye to follow them. They left to talk to the boy from earlier. Probably to taunt me, thinking that I would turn around sadly as I walked towards the exit. Too bad, I don't know how to be a film heroine, I can't wait for my chance. I only know how to defend myself. And also grab three cups between my fingers at the same time. I walked over to them in a few strides, ignoring the scornful looks and whispers on my path.

"After all we're only here to tease and catch cute guys, aren't we?" "

I pretended not to walk straight, the smell of alcohol in my hair must have helped me. When the guy ran away, I took the opportunity to empty the contents of my glass on her heads.

False eyelashes for false eyelashes, press-on for press on!

"You dirty delinquent!" "

Oh and that she puts a layer of racism back on top of that. But I should have guessed when she used a pseudo sorority alliance to trap me here!

"Bunch of bitches I don't give a fuck. Go back sucking guys off to feel like you're worth something! "

"Do you want some too?" I poured another glass in the direction of Rose who looked at me badly.

“The nerve. All this for a bunch of 0's. You're the last of the class, brainless zombies. Come for me. Rake, weedkiller whatever you want. I'm not leaving. Neither now nor ever. D'you printing? "

It was silly. I wasn't hurt. Impossible. It was a bruise on my ego, nothing more. I repeated it to myself. Again and again.

I went to shout my contempt at lunch break the next day. It made someone laugh. I had expected him to push me away when I returned his clean shoes, but he took them back without flinching. He must have been in a good mood.

"I thought you weren't coming here anymore. "

Louis shrugged his shoulders.

"Mmh ... No one is there and it's quiet. I like to come here. "

"Hmm ..." maybe it's because he glanced at me as I sat down on the steps below him.

"Say, do you know the difference between France and Japan? "

That's a funny question. I admit that I had never really thought about it. I quickly grabbed my phone to google the info, but here I wasn't getting the high school internet.

"I don't know ... Uh..7-9h "

"Hmm ..." he whispered, smiling. After that I sat down next to him, it allowed me to relax and really observe him. He has such full and rosy cheeks, it is a stark contrast to the sharp features of his sidekick. Pfff! I was still thinking about that Dalil loser.

When I got back to class, the Dumb-Bitches-Bouquet was leaning against the window.

“Mazrani, we saw you. With Louis. "

“Don't be jealous. "

“Pfft. Jealous of what. You are no match. "

“We told you. He already has someone. "

I rolled my eyes trying to ignore them but Jacinte held up her iPhone screen in front of my eyes. Even if I wanted to ignore it, I couldn't have. Because the gorgeous girl that stood out on the Instagram that she was showing me, I knew her very well.

It was the same girl I had left a like to, that very morning. Garance Teaudeau. Perfect measurements. 700K subs. Model career in perspective. The bell rang, as if to signal me that the game was over.

" You see? Rose asked me in passing, you're no match for it. "

"Stay in your lane, Janitor's daughter." "

"Not hurt"

Not half.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so much cliché like...the 3 mean bitches doing dirty to the main girl!! I'll try to make it funny as it is sdjchne!! Hope you're enjoyed it...I mean...Till the last part which is quite...Depressing. 
> 
> WORDS : 
> 
> +/ RER : French : rail-gauge public transport network serving Paris and its outskirts area.
> 
> / sheitanas: "female devils" ??? (how the fuck could I translate that??) 
> 
> / beurette : french word who design women from North African descant, with a big history which is extremely racist and sexist. Most of people don't want to recognize what's behind it, I might explain later, but the more you'll read, to more you'll understand intuitively through Louiza.


	10. @GaranceTaudeau

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza get to smell the prettiest flower in the garden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "Bouquet d'Idiotes" strikes again, aiming at Louiza who is quite shock to learn that Louis already had someone in mind...

And as if it wasn't enough to revel in my humiliation, I even had the right to get physical bullying. The hechma, really. Me? Since when did I let people hagar me this way? like that? But I had no strength left, and there was nothing I could do but let myself fall to my knees. I would have curled up in a ball to whine if Dalil didn't interposed between me and those idiots.

"What are you girls doing?" Get the hell of of there. I'm the only one who has the right to bother her!"

The girls walked away and maybe because I couldn't hold back any longer, I cried.

"Don't cry. It doesn't look like you."

He looked so sweet saying that, nothing to envy to flowers petals. I was so wrapped up in this sudden tenderness that I almost grabbed the hand he held out to me.

Kind? Him? I was being delusional.

That was enough for me to push him away, drying my tears. 

No, frankly.

"What nerve you have to say this to me, all of this is your fault!"

"What nerve YOU have! How ungrateful! Didn't I juste saved you? "

"Who asked you?!"

"Everyone takes what I'm saying as a face value and you ..."

Here he goes again, with his values's shit... He had some serious problem.

"It's because they have no self respect ..."

He narrowed his eyes, and it was clear that the softness I had seen there a few seconds before was just an illusion.

"But what's that seems so unsatisfying to you? There isn't a thing a lack in!"

I chuckled. I thought he had a lot of nerve for a long time, but he's just deeply stupid. Miskin.

“I don't like your stupid hair! I don't like how you walk around the school without wearing a uniform! I don't like your stupidity, your arrogance, oh! Also you are little snake eyes... Everything you are repels me. "

Considering his bewildered look, he seemed to get the idea much better.

"I hate you!"

For the first time, I was happy I had run into him. It calmed me down. I was so unsettled when he looked at me with his Innocent-Prince-Charming look ready to help me. So much that I cried. Thank goodness, this optical illusion put my ideas back in place.

I had to run for a while because when I arrived in the backyard of the school, I ran into Silas and Alistair who seemed to be having a picnic.

"Oh, but isn't that Miss Chastity Vows."

Oh. Awkward. They were there...

"Shut up, you two." 

“It's okay, we apologize. Come and drink with us instead ... It's water ”

They made that clear by making the bottle dance between their finger. Probably an answer to my skeptical face. That was enough for me to accept their proposal.

“We sat down to hang out but we were bored without girls. You'll do. "

"It has the merit of being honest ..."

They laughed a bit while scrolling on their phone and I asked what the hell I was doing there.

"Damn, said Alistair, Garance has become a real woman, it's crazy!" 

“Yup, I was surprised by her transformation. Japan has done her strangely good!"

"But have you seen her insta posts? Since she became the face of this brand of clothes, those pics are everywhere on the net! "

"You should have've seen Louis's face every time I refresh my feed. Lmao..."

It was stronger than me. I asked.

“What kind of relationship do Louis and Garance Taudeau have? "

Alistair and Silas gave each other a knowing glance before turning to me.

“Garance is Louis' childhood love. "

“Since they were kids. He was a withdrawn one. His father was really strict and he was really strange as a child. "

“It was Garance who pulled him out of his silence and loneliness. When I think they almost sent him to a shrink. Besides, it's a bit after that we all became friends, right? "

“Yeah. She is amazing. I wonder if she came back for him... ”

“It's true that he had confessed before her departure. Poor guy. He's really stung. "

To tell the truth, I stopped listening. I had too much of an headache. It was too much info.  
I thanked them briefly and disappeared into a corner to retrieve my bag. It was time for me to go home.

I would have done well without crossing Louis Helier on the metro bench, kissing the screen of his smartphone like crazy.

“You again? "

I couldn't help but take a step back.

"It's a metro station ...And you shouldn't be kissing your screen. It's full of germs. "

I took out a disinfectant wipes from my bag and handed it to him.

"You seem glad she came home." 

I don't know why I said that. Probably because I think so. That I needed to hear myself say it.

"You ... don't you have a crush on me? Do you?"

Bitch? ... I thought I was being the frank one.

"Uh..Well.. Why is that ..."

But before I could say anything else it happened, Louis stood up to grab the towel before approaching me, there was the burning of his lips on my cheek, then the coldness of the metal bench against my thighs. He pushed me on the bench, wesh?

"You were expecting that maybe it'll happen to you?"

And like that...he left smiling, going up in the subway that I had not even heard arriving.

That fucking playboy. He was toying with me!

It was unbearable yet I knew it was no longer necessary to lie. There was nothing I could do to counter that gaze of his, no matter what animated it.

The next day when I went back to class, I tried to avoid listening to Le Bouquet d'idiotes who were talking about Garance out loud and on purpose : to irritate me. I preferred to leave the classroom before breaking something, when I hit a boy with long, smooth hair.

"Sorry ... I ... Dalil?" 

The fuck happened to him?

" Oh! Uh ... Hello!"

"Your hair" I said, pointing my finger to his head. He started to blush, and start touching his hair.

"Oh! I believe that this new style suits me better. "

"Hmmm..."

"Don't think I did it because of what you said yesterday! It's just ... for a change!"

" If you say so. It fits you well anyway..."

It made him look a lot softer than that horrible bundle of curled hair full of wax he was trying to make.

"Ah ... You think so too! "

After that he blushed and laughed nervously. I wondered since when we were talking so lightly, but at that moment, the hand that had just passed through his hair had left a lot of static electricity on his head, making his locks fly anyhow.

He swore in Arabic and from what I understood it was against the hairdresser. That made me laugh.

"Don't you dare laugh at me!"

It made me laugh even more. But this lightness quickly turned into immense weight.

“Dalil! Garance has arrived!" it was Louis who had come to pick him up and both of them rushed to the exit of the school to join his friends.

So the super hot and famous Made-in-Paris-influencer was the same girl who later on after classes, threw herself in Louis's arms and the other members of the F4 to kiss them.

I would love to say that she was an ugly ass bitch IRL and that Facetune was doing the job. But even if I had shouted it at the top of my lungs on Paris's roofs, no one would have believed such a lie.

Long hair down to the buttocks, fresh-to-death clothes and an angelic face. I'm sure even the smell under her armpits is lot better than my perfume.

They moved away, probably to go to a cafe and make up for lost time. And I and my heart crushed like a rotten apple let them do it, because after all it was the only thing possible.

The was not my place. Maybe it was time for me to drop this Garcons-Fleurs story, and get back to my life before I ended up hurting more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact : most of the girls in this fanfic are named after flowers. 
> 
> glossary : 
> 
> \- "hechma" : (word from darija) design "the shame". 
> 
> \- "hagar" : The expression "to be hagged" comes from the Arabic verb "hagar" which means "to strike", "to give a blow". The idea of physical or psychological violence is therefore omnipresent.
> 
> -"miskin" : (arabic) "poor him/..."


	11. A flower in the desert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza wants to get through her suffocation

“Waw! You've started braiding your hair again. I imagine it costs less than going to the hairdresser ..."

I rolled my eyes. Early in the morning, really? Dalil catches me at the gate to throw me these kid's pikes. I really want to show him my middle finger, but instead I think about what happened yesterday. To the lesson I learned from it.

Reset.

This is what I need. Go back to what I was before. I'm not unhappy that summer vacation is upon us. After that, I'll go first and officially have one year left to get out this hell.  
I just have to concentrate on my grades. After all, I can get out of here with a very good mention specifically because I have no reason to be distracted. I will have nothing to gain from it, to go deeper in my relationship with them. I'm bleeding a little but it's not too late yet, I have to limit myself before reaching the point of no return.

Everything will be alright.

And when those bitches of Jacinthe, Iris and Rose purposely comment on Garance Taudeau's wiki, I take my sketchbook and leave the room. I know very well what it is written on this page, I know it 'cause I read it yesterday evening before going to bed, while motivating myself to unfollow her gram. It was better. For me, for everyone.

The last few days have become calm again, and seeing Camille calling for me in the yard, I joined him. After all, everyone seems to have forgotten about the red card case...

“Louiza! I feel like it's been days! I'm worry about you! "

"I told you on messenger yesterday! Everything is fine, ok? "

"I blame myself for leaving you alone with all this!" "

He looked like he was really blaming himself, and I put my hand on his shoulder to reassure him.

"Don't worry, Cam!" You did what you had to do to prevent the others from bothering you. ”

He doesn't seem convinced, and to make him forget all about it, I grab him by the arm. How about we go out for lunch today? My treat! "

He seemed to think about it for a moment and finally agreed. I tend to treat him like the little boy I've known, and the fact that he's barely taller than me doesn't help either.

My heart is heavy, yet there is something comforting to find him in one of those trendy cafes nearby the school district. We talked about our drawings, our projects, like before. And although it still stings me a bit, it's not that bad.

It was for the best. For a few seconds I really believed in it. That I had the choice, that I was in control of what was happening to me. But when we entered the building and I accompanied Camille to his locker and realized that for some reason that was unknown to me, he had received a card, I went berserk. I tore it off and asked Camille to go straight back to class, before going up to the foyer where the person in charge of this circus was probably acting like the king he though he was. Contrary to what I expected he was alone, and he looked in a very bad mood.

"Are you serious?"

I had confirmation that it was him because he looked away and lifted his chin up, proud as a peacock.

"It's your fault. Look who you hang out with. "

" Sorry? May I know what you hold against Camille? "

"And I? Can I know what you think of this nouveau riche? "

But? What is this asshole saying?

"He is nice! Well mannered! Sweet...He's...a breath of fresh air, an oasis, a river in the desert? Get the idea? Everything a fools like is not..."

"You do this to isolate me, so I would be lonely. You and you dirty tricks!"

"What?"

"Of course...Nature is fair! If people as nice as Camille do exist, there have to be some evil equivalents like you. "

He must really not liked this kind of insult, because at that moment he approached me and pressed his forehead against mine. No ... Don't tell me that ...

"What? D'you want to hit me ?! Well, go hit me if you dare .. »

"Pardon me ... It's you too..You don't understand!"

"There's nothing to understand imbecile! Let go of my jacket! "

There is no forgiveness that holds! I still have the feeling of his huge forehead against my scalp. I butted him and ran away.

The nerve! The nerve! I can't take it that a big guy like him behaves like a 5 year old child. It's beyond me.

I spent the rest of the day in class nibbling my gray pencil and when the bell rang, I rushed over to Camille and if he was okay. But from what I was seeing: it was too late. He had already taken it right in the face. And middle schoolers were even worse that their seniors. 

From the smell, I could tell he had thrown hot coffee on his head. How awful. I removed it in toilet to refresh his face. I took advantage of the fact that the school was empty to take him directly to the infirmary. Just to put a little ointment so he won't keep a scar. He tried to smile and I felt like my heart was going to tear in two.

"I'll take you home, okay?" 

"I'll pay you the taxi to get back home" he said.

"But no, don't worry! I know the way I would take the bus! Come on, they must be gone by now."

We got off by the emergency, and arriving near our lockers, we had the pleasure of discovering that it had been forced and that the contents had been pushed into the dumpster.

"I'll go get them, I said, after all I'm used to it." 

I took off my uniform jacket and my tie. Another shirt and a skirt could be a substitute, however, I didn't have enough to pay for the pressing for the jacket, nor the money to buy another one.

"Damn these motherfuckers, they obviously took care not to throw them in the paper bin ..."

I got out of my quest 5 minutes later, the smell almost didn't made me nauseous anymore as I was used to it, and as if I didn't feel ridiculous enough, I had flies floating around me. No way I could take the metro like that.

“Louiza,” said Camille who was still applying the compresses on his face, “I'm sorry! "

" It's not your fault! I'm the one who is used to it, I shouldn't have talked to you! "

I walked him back to the school gate, and even though he insisted that I go in with him I refused. I didn't want to find myself in these bourgeois neighborhoods when I smelled of rubbish, I didn't want to risk running into Louis in this state.

I swallowed back my tears, and when the taxi left, I collapsed to the ground. I think I couldn't take it anymore, but I was going to have to put up with it.

"And you there, get the hell of here immediately, it's private property." I was cut off in my whining by two cops who asked me to evacuate. Of course, it's was more than I stained the immaculate white walls, I became one.

"I'm going to get up sir, two minutes please. "

"There aren't two minutes that lasts, you run off right away and go back to where you came from."

I tried to get up. But I didn't have the strength. My legs felt like cotton. And when the police officer pulled on my arm, probably to get me on their car, I couldn't even try to defend myself.

"And let go! Someone cried. A thin and familiar look. The last I wanted to hear.

"No, but what the hell is this, Louis? Is that what you do in your spare time? "

Oh what bad luck, what a fucking bad luck. It's not just Louis. It's Louis, and Garance Taudeau. The ones I've been trying to avoid since the beginning of the day.   
I feel so humiliated. I want to cry. 

Let them take me on board, let them fucking take me wherever they want, as long as it's not here.


	12. d. - Focus on me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Dalil wants Louiza to look back at him

"This rascal wants to attract my intention."

“Attention, Dalil. Louis corrected me before plunging back into his reading tablet.

"Ah? Really? Silas asked, deeply surprised.

I saw at Alistair's furrowed brow that he was skeptical.

"Are you sure of that? "

"She wouldn't have come to tell me that she was a virgin otherwise!"

"That's not exactly what happened ..." He completed, but I decided to ignore him. It was obvious, he didn't understand.

“She's an attention-whore. She does everything to get me to notice her, that's pretty obvious. "

I had been a bit rushed the last time at my place, but it actually made the hunting trip a lot more fun. It was like an auction, when people wanted to titillate my investments. And now that I had found something to take care of, I was going to wear it down.

I was on course to make fun of her this morning, I had expected her to yell at me or try to retort, but instead, she closed her eyelids and walked past me without saying a word. 

She had looked restless the past few days.  
Maybe that's why, as a last resort, she started talking with that middle-schooler out of nowhere. It got me pissed.

I don't like my things being touched, I was a selfish kid, and I had no need to work on this "defect" thank God. It's something that only those below should do, so if I could manage this discomfort for myself...  
But well...With this one, it was complicated. I can't put her in a drawer and take her out when I'm bored. And as soon as I'm busy with something else, she has to try to piss me off. 

When I had accepted that she was hanging around, I was not talking about this loser who was accompanying her.

But what really got me angry was seeing her show up in the foyer with those flashing of hers.

"Are you serious? "

I looked away, centered on this mania she has of landing here asking me for explanations for anything and everything. Ok, ok, she wanted to get my attention, and I had agreed to let her do so, but she shouldn't think too highly of herself because of it. 

"It's your fault. Look who you hang out with."

Put back the noisy tone, Mazrani...Did she really take me for an idiot? Or was it still to provoke me?

" Sorry? May I know what you hold against Camille? "

"And I, can I find out what you think of this nouveau riche? "

"He is nice! Well mannered! Sweet...He's...a breath of fresh air, an oasis, a river in the desert? Get the idea? Everything a fools like is not..."

"You do this to isolate me, so I would be lonely. You and you dirty tricks!"

"What?"

What the hell is she talking about! She annoys me and seeing her stand up for him while I'm in the room annoys me. But it is obviously necessary that it continues. And I really can't understand what she blames me for.

"Of course...Nature is fair! If people as nice as Camille do exist, there have to be some evil equivalents like you. "

In my whole life, no one has ever spoken to me like that, she crosses the line. She forgets who she is talking to and I am so mad that I don't even realize that I have approached, as if to threaten her.

"What? D'you want to hit me ?! Well, go hit me if you dare .. »

I stepped back as soon as I understood, it was his fault ?! How does she talk to me?

"Pardon me ... It's you too..You don't understand!"

"There's nothing to understand imbecile! Let go of my jacket! "

And with that, she disappeared in a whirlwind of light hair. I was so steamed up. For the trouble, that fuckers had deserved the red card, and he would end up disappearing or stop talking to her in a few days.

Again, she would focus on me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crazy how writing on """Domioji'''' pov makes me understand him more!! I really hope Dalil still a bit different though!


	13. It must stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza needs to be picked up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After Camille received a red card, Louiza looked for their stuff in the trash...

At that moment, Louis and his white hand grabbed me by the shoulders. Maybe I was dead. That I was in heaven. I hope for it so much.

But no. I was still on the street. I still smelled like trash. I was always so ridiculous. I couldn't help but have tears in my eyes.

“Seriously? It goes too far who did that? The fact that he was pissed off surprised me. Because I heard his reproach but I also felt it vibrate in his rib cage, pressed against me. He helped me? Again? I can't believe it."

At that moment, those other son of bitches left and instead, I noticed that Dalil had just joined the scene.

I can't take it anymore, I want it to stop.

"Dalil, it should stop now, right?" 

"What are you all saying?" Added Garance Taudeau, perched on her high heels.

“You know how he is, sighed Silas, I was not too keen on doing that to a basic girl."

Alistair narrowed her eyes behind his blonde locks. Nobody wanted to do it, actually. It annoys me.

“I wasn't hyped at all. It was cool from time to time, but we're pass the age!" To supported Alistair.

"Are you two serious?" Dalil moaned. They pretended to ignore him by rolling their eyes. Cowards.

"Dalil, we know it was hard with the departure of your sister, that's why we accepted but it has to stop!" 

I confess that I did not really understand what he was talking about. The only thing that caught my attention was Louis's heartbeat and the thought that I was going dirty at his Ralph Lauren shirt.

"No but wait ?! Dalil laughed mirthlessly. I thought he was looking at me at first, but it was Louis that his eyes flashed.

"Don't tell me that you like the Minimum Wage Scraper?" 

I was much less embarrassed by the designation than by the substance of the question. The worst part is that Louis did not respond. Not to deny ... But not to accept either.

I felt the red rise in my cheeks, it couldn't get more humiliating.

But frankly, I would have preferred that he deny it dry because the confused expression of the others around was going to get the better of my self-esteem. 

At that moment, the most absurd thing that had happened to me happened. Dalil started pulling my arm in his direction without Louis releasing his grip. I felt like a teddy bear that two kids were arguing about and it was seriously start pummeling me on the system.

“Dalil! You're going to rip his shirt! "

"You are hurting me, guys!"

"You just have to let go in that case! What is this way of making myself responsible for everything?"

There they are, they get confused while they bothering me, Garance and Alistair look shocked and that moron Silas is laughing to death. Pfff.

"My mother's life you'll stop talking about me like I'm not here, you morons!"

Surprised, they let go of me, and I fell losing my balance. These two lunatics!

But I didn't have time to come to my senses that Dalil had already twitched.

"Louis, I don't want to see you anymore, even more in high school, have you understood?"

"Uh...Dalil ..." intervened Alistair looking genuinely uncomfortable. Silas sighed in confusion and I began to pity them about bumping into two such specimens.

“You are excluded from the group! You trout!"

"Traitor ..." Louis hissed. However, the atmosphere did not soften and I really had the impression that I was responsible for something stupid.

They had just argued ... Because of me?

“Alistair, Silas, we're going home."

I raised an eyebrow in the direction. They spoke to them very badly.

"What ... wait? "

“Dalil? "

But he had already whistled for a taxi. Alistair Melevine and Silas N’dongo Obame, glanced at each other before turning to Louis. He motioned for them to go away without making waves.

Was it really going to end like this? I had just dissolved the most emblematic bunch of friends in this Little Paris?

I didn't have time to blame myself or be happy about it, because Garance Taudeau handed me a handkerchief and helped me up.

"Let's go clean you up a bit. "

I followed her as she guided me to the high school bathroom. Since she knew the place, I judged that she must have been a former Saint-Richard graduate.

"Take off your clothes. Do you have spare clothes?"

I showed her my gym bag out of the corner of my eye and she pulled out my joggers. Then all of a sudden, it was as if she had opened the door to a florist.

“You smell really good. "

I said that without thinking. Without even thinking about the fact that I had just spoken to her. For the trouble she smiled at me and I quickly returned to the showers of the chest to run the water on my body and hair. I had no soap, but it was better that rubbish juice.

When I got out, I put on my sweatsuit and she was waiting for me: leaning against the sink. In the reflection of the mirror I could see the length of her sleek, brown hair sliding down her back.

"It's better like this, right?" 

"Hmm..."

She sighed.

"Excuse them ... They're not bad boys, but they tend to exaggerate."

"I saw it at my expense..."

She gave a laugh that masked some pity. What the hell, she was beaming.

" You're funny. I understand why they are hanging around. "

"I wish, they'd avoided ..." I grumbled. After all, since I knew them, nothing was going right for me.

"Dalil has some anger management issues, but he's not a bad person ... and Louis well ... You know. "

She arched an eyebrow as she told me that. I nodded.

"He is ... peculiar ..." I completed.

She laughed again, grabbing something from her leather purse.

"You have traces left on your face, wipe off with that. "

With the tip of her tanned and perfectly manicured hand, she handed me a Chanel handkerchief so soft that I really had a hard time accepting it. But hey, that might have been my only chance to touch one. Maybe if I rubbed hard enough: I could soak it up.

"Besides ... I had never seen Louis get in this state before." Maybe Dalil is right. Maybe he likes you?"

Oh. I felt the red rise in my face again. I would have liked to hide under the handkerchief but I had already given it back. It was absurd.

" No! It's you he loves and ... You shine like a diamond and I'm more like ... A gravel on the asphalt. "

“It is surely true. "

She laughed again, nodding. Part of my ego was crushed in the process but I was glad she didn't try to be hypocrite.

"It's just..., she resumed the more melancholy air, that sometimes I have the impression that he is going to move away from me ..."

After all it is true. Photos that I had seen at Dalil's house and on his Instagram they have known each other since childhood, and if I add the picnic information I could be sure of one thing: He surely did not want her to leave .

"There, you still have dust" with the handkerchief she rubbed under my vaporous bangs, smiling.

“A girl should always be pretty, you never know when an opportunity appears! "

"Isn't that a little bit sexist?" I asked. It made her smile and she winked at me.

“You have to know the rules, to get around them better!"

Her smile was so pretty and the nutty of her irises so deep it made me look down. It was then that I noticed a super nice pair of YSL pumps that I had seen thousands of times on Twitter.

“Nice shoes. "

" Right, they're pretty" She said while making her ankle dance.

“In Japan, I learned a European expression that I didn't know."

I looked up at her again to know more, and her hands tightened on my shoulders warmly.

“Nice shoes will take you to nice places. "

She was so pretty.

I thought about my chalk-covered moccasins lying around on the balcony, maybe it was because I had abandoned them there that I was no longer walking straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Good shoes will take you to good place", Omg one my favorite part in the manga!


	14. New projects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza and Dalil share a ̶r̶o̶m̶a̶n̶t̶i̶c̶ dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After her unexpected meeting with Garance, Louiza needs to rest a bit...

"38.6. You stay at home. "

Mom sighs, properly adjusting her veil over her head. I must have caught a cold while going out with my wet hair. After getting out of the bathroom with Garance (who follows me on Instagram - amazing! -) I volunteered to find Louis. I knew very well where he had to hide.

I couldn't stop thinking about Garance and what happened. I couldn't imagine that we were both from the same species. If you want my opinion, human races do exist, it's just not in the sense that we mean ... But even though we weren't made of the same DNA, I was happy to know that this girl had nothing to do with le Bouquet d'Idiotes...

When I got to the stairwell, Louis was going down. Probably he had received a call from Garance. It bothered me so much to see him again.

“Uh… Louis! Garance is waiting for you in front of the entrance!"

He was wearing a different shirt, and I thought back to the firmness of his frail arms around me. It only made my embarrassment worse.

"I'm going to join her."

“Excuse me,” I said, going down a few steps, about what happened. Thank you! "

“Okay. "

I gripped the railing so tight, as if to give myself courage. It smelled better. Roses in bloom, thank you for the work. It must have covered the smell with everything else.

Still, I didn't understand.

"Because of me, you quarreled with Dalil ..."

At that moment, he turned to really look at me.

“It's not particularly your fault. It's just ... It annoyed me. "

"Why? "

It came out on its own. While the rest was rusty. I couldn't believe it was possible, yet Garance's words in the showers echoed in my head.

Maybe he likes you? Perhaps?

Cause...Why?

Why would he risk losing everything? To embarrass himself? Just for me?

At that moment I read the confusion on his face and immediately recanted.

Now was not the time to talk about it. After all, I had far exceeded my ridiculousness credit for today.

" It's nothing, nevermind. See you later! "

His mouth split into a smile and I could only blush at those amused green eyes.

I see him holding me, protecting me, with his delicate arms. And I can't help but feel my heart swell in my chest. He's really the kind of person I imagine, then?

Upon entering the building, my phone notification reminded me that it was time for me to return. It was Camille. He had left me several calls and messages. With all this mess, I hadn't even paid attention!

Camille: Are you back home ??

Louiza ???

Call me back pls

I didn't feel like calling him back. He would have guessed that something had gone wrong.

Me: srry I was in the shower! Clean up u knooow ... but everything is fine! ✨

You too I hope?

Camille: Yes !!!!

I'm reassured 😩 for a second I freaked out, 'was ready to come and save you 🔫

He sent me a picture of him and his amazing pot armor. So cute.

Me: 🥰🥰🥰 I'm less afraid all of a sudden

Camille: Also

It took a while before sending me the rest.

Camille: My parents have a house on the Côte d'Azur.

Would you like to come there? And we could draw, like we used to

The French Riviera...

It seemed so far away.

I know the Mediterranean Sea because we used to drive down to our village in Algeria from time to time, but that was a different kind. And with the ton of plaster covering Dad's body, we weren't going to be back in Oran anytime soon.

Me: I'll talk to my parents! I would like it a lot 😳

And the night before, they had giving me permission. They thought it was very cool that I started hanging out with rich kids, and Camille was a rather ambiguous name.

I was cleaning my shoes when my mother called me so loud that I thought the whole building was going to collapse.

"Can I know why yo..."

I'm hallucinating! Suddenly my fever went up.

"What are you doing at my place?"

Dalil, his black eyes that zigzagged in every nook and cranny of the room and his manners were on my doormat.

My mother looked at me with raised eyebrows. I know she trusted me but I was going to have to pull off a solid pitch.

She said nothing, her face talking by itself.

Can I find out why there is a boy asking to see you?

Lord. Have mercy.

"Uh..It's..Someone from school...He's surely bringing me a lesson, isn't he? "

I approached him. A fake smile on my face.

" What are you doing? Would your parents like if a unknown man showed up saying he wanted to see your sister? Do you want my folks to go into cardiac arrest?"

Dalil readjusted the collar of his shirt, before whispering as I did.

" It's to prevent them from a cardiac arrest that I came to present myself."

After that, he smiled at my mother with such a tender expression that all the confusion disappeared from her face. I tend to forget that he is very beautiful, and that it always turns out to his advantage!

If it was only maman, it would have been fine ... The problem is that my father ended up disembarking in his wheelchair.

I panicked.

"Uh dad .. I ... It's Dalil! He keeps bothering me! Kick him out!"

My father frowned at me, very annoyed before turning to him. I know what he was thinking. That name must mean something to him.

Dalil whom I had tried to cover from the top of my small body, ended up placing himself in front of me and presenting himself.

“Salam Aleykoum."

It must have taken my parents by surprise a little because they answered him. However, my father remained dry. Pffff!

This moron could play the good muslims boy as he wanted, my parents would quickly have slammed the door in his face! I didn't even listen to the rest of his sentence. Which was...A mistake.

Time was playing against me.

Because when he gave his name, the reporter from Al Jazeera who was obviously pitched at full volume on my TV, talked about the new agreements signed by oil giant Qatari Al Dalil and a Russian company. I'm pretty sure he chose his timing.

It was not possible otherwise ...

Allah tests those whom He loves, they say. But that is not a test, it is a punishment.

"Speak of the demon » Quipped this dumbass. I didn't even have the courage to yell at him: "It's a devil, asshole!" 

I was too busy picking up my parents' eyeballs that had left their sockets. And at that moment, I knew. It was too late. They sold me.

"Oh! But come in! What do you want with our silly girl! "

My mother giggled as I sometimes heard her do when she spoke with the neighbor on the second floor, the one who always bragged about the glorious marriages of her girls ...

“Louiza! Add a cover! My mother ordered me, smiling so much that I thought she was going to tear herself apart in front of me.

I was swimming deliriously. I knew the only words that danced in their heads were “oil” “Qatari” and “boy of marrying age”.

The kitchen looked even smaller, now filled with the intruder's massive build.

Mom had given him the best seat and even unsheathed her Aid dishes.

I laughed at my mother's embarrassed expression when she served l'3dess. The grotesque contrast made me chuckle. Do you really need to hurt yourself, like that?

"If you're not happy, get up and cook." She had thrown at me a few hours earlier. She gave me a kick off the table, but all of it was worth it.

"I'm really sorry, it's not much but you are welcome at our table!"

“Al hamdoullilah, thank God there is everything you need. "

"Bismillah, my son, help yourself!"

I pretended to throw up at my father's satisfied look. My brother, Souleymane, held back a chuckle.

No, but he's not ashamed? Behaviour!

I had planned to let myself choke with a lentil when I realized how carefully and patiently he was eating.

He was so ubiquitous in general that I almost forgot he was the heir to a billionaire family.

I don't know if he found it very good, but nothing was showing on his face. And when we have finished the meal. He even had tea and chatted with my father and Sully while we cleared the table.

This actor, he got on my nerves!

When my mom asked me to take him outside, and even my dad encouraged me, I knew it was done. I will never be at peace again.

"Wait ... Aren't you going to leave me alone with a boy?" I whispered in a darija that our thoroughbred Arabian wasn't about to catch.

“May God guide you! Go now!"

" Yes! Yes! Allah is watching! You have our blessing anyway!"

And that's how we ended up in my street at the intersection of the bus stop. I sighed very hard to make sure he heard it.

"I am sick. I can't believe they got me out! "

“You look a lot like your mother!" He commented with a light laugh.

"Tssss ... Except that I would never have fallen for your good-boy comedy, like she did! Did you really find it good? "

He frowned.

“I am demanding but not ungrateful. It is Allah who gives, right? "

I rolled my eyes. Could I blame someone who had a personal cook? In a way, I could.

"By the way, are you coming to the trip to Monaco?"

But what an asshole. You talk about being demanding ...

"Have you take a good look at my house? Do you really think I'm the type of person who goes to Monaco?"

He sighed, looking visibly annoyed.

"Right ... That's what I don't like with poor people, you can't drop a few tickets ... Well...I invite you-"

I don't know if he was serious or if he was still laughing at me, but it was the last straw that broke the camel's back.

“I don't care about your boring Monaco! This summer, I'll be on the Côte d'Azur with Camille!"

Dalil stopped walking, and took his hands out of his pockets.

"The Nouveau Riche? ... Wait! You made me a movie because I'm a boy, at your parents' house, but are you're planning to go on vacation with him? "

“My parents think Camille is a girl. I did not find it necessary to make the clarification ... "

“Mr. Al Dalil! Cried a car driver.

Considering the mouth of the cash register, it was time for me to turn around.

"Not even a goodbye ... You ... Louiza!"

I waved my hand at him without looking back.

"Drown yourself in glasses of champagne or in the Mediterranean Sea, I don't give a fuck! Imbecile!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This!! It's so freaking cliché!! I loved every bit of it! I'll hope I manage to put the same energy as in the manga, cause it was so-so-so funny!!
> 
> \- glossary : 
> 
> Aid : well this one is known but anyway : it's the word for "celebration". 
> 
> l'3dess : it's a maghrebian dish made out of lentils! Depending on the place, the recipe changes. it's really good and very cheap! It's a common joke in our community that when our mothers doesn't feel like cookin, they make l'3dess (it's easy to prepared + cost nothing).


	15. Down on the French Riviera

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza will see her baby swinging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Louiza tries to enjoy her summer after all the mess she's been through...

With all that, the end of the school year arrived. Which was good. I was exhausted. I was not looking forward to my return to sophomore but I decided to leave those shitty stories behind me. I didn't see the boys again after that. They had to be busy with the french bac exams. I never saw Louis outside the stairwell again either. Maybe it was better, I needed a break.

I took advantage of the coming of summer to make a little money with my job, help my mother, see my old friends from middle school, do the sales and prepare my trip to the French Riviera planned for both in late August.

I would have liked to forget them all, but between my parents who often spoke to me about Dalil and the images of Louis dancing in my head, I struggled quite a lot. And then, I felt responsible. Everyone in high school had nothing else in mind but the quarrel between Dalil and Louis. In addition to all the possible or absurd theories about their fight that were spinning in the corridors.

It happened that this idiotic Dalil found it useful to send me messages from time to time. I ended up leaving him in 'seen' before finally blocking him.

And when Camille and I took the train to the coast, I really left them behind. I hadn't really had a hard time convincing my parents, although my end of year results were hampered by the events...But since my average for the year was really very good, it was okay. 

At least a positive thing about this year. 

“It's so pretty!" I throw at Camille. I was ecstatic as I looked at the blue sea that stretched as far as the eye could see behind sandy beaches. On the way we were able to observe the Alps and the big cities of the south. The heat was on, and I fully expected to return to Paris with a perfect complexion.

The first week was great, between touristic visits and artistic sessions in nature, we had a lot of fun.  
It is surely because of this so bright emerald green that colors my days that I often think of him, I still find myself drawing the profile of Louis rather than the clearing where we had gone today, but I am putting away these sketches in a special notebook.

It makes me feel good to be away from my gray house, I love my city but sometimes it suffocates me. The second week we agreed to enjoy the beach a little more.

On Wednesday afternoon, Camille told me that he was planning to take his family's sailboat out! I was so hyped. When the money is in the hands of the right people, it's totally enjoyable!

The azure sky sparkled over the sea, the sea breeze and the droplets against my skin (which had won two shades!) were refreshing. Camille was explaining to me that his father had taught him how to fish when the smell of iodine was replaced by that of diesel. Suddenly, I felt it was a bad sign. Suddenly as we walked back to the door the sky darkened. But it was not because of the storm that the sun had disappeared, it was an immense, monstrous shadow, that of a fucking Yacht whose arab denomination meant nothing good to me. We were forced to stop the sailboat to allow the craft to pass at the risk of going overboard. I didn't want to swim back to the coast, but when I saw his satisfied air perched on the hull above me, I thought it would have been better if I disappeared under the waves. Dalil was perched up there, his hair blowing in the wind, his eyes on me. At first I thought I was having a nightmare, but the apprehension on Camille's face made me understand that we were both far from the collective hallucination.

In passing he made sure to splash us. And it is soaked to the bone that Camille, the operator of the sailboat and I returned to the port. I was planning to escape to the pontoon before he found me, but the move was waiting for us.

“Yo. "

“If I hadn't blocked him I could have blocked him before. I'm so pissed. "

Camille sighed in turn, draining his Bermuda shorts. Since we had to go through it...

"Weren't you supposed to be in Monaco?" "

"Yes, Dalil, weren't we supposed to be in Monaco?" Silas and Alistair asked, very annoyed and surprised to land in the port of a family seaside resort.

"It's not far we went for a walk! "

The others then ended up leaving. There were high school students and others that I did not know. I had the pleasure to understand that the Idiot's Bouquet had also made its outing at sea.

"It's high tide ..."

"What the hell is this peasant girl doing here?" 

"Shut up, Tunas... Ask your charismatic leader instead!" 

"What did you say dirty bitch?" "

"Shut up, you three! Dalil cut in. So? What do you think of my yacht? Knock you for six, right? "

Of course that knocked me for six, this boat was enormous. Already that I found that the price of the Navigo transport card was too much...

"Silent as a cave! That's the case to say! You will never be able to travel on board of such a machine!"

I can't handle more of this idiotic show-off. And given the expression of Alistair and Silas, I am not the only one.

"It's quiet as a grave, Dalil," corrected a female voice.

Under a big straw hat appeared the magnificent figure of Garance. I had forced myself not to watch her stories, but it seemed that this effort was in vain. Because if she shone brightly in the sun, followingin her shadow, Louis was watching us.

“What a coincidence!” Exclaimed Garance! It's really incredible that we are all meeting here! "

"Uh..What a coincidence ..." I repeated knowing full well it wasn't. But it was my fault! I was a fool to throw it all away. Obviously he would chase me to ruin my life, it was his favorite activity!

"We're having a party on board tomorrow night, how about you coming?" 

"What? Exclaimed the three hoes, Garance you are not going to invite these rednecks!" Jacinthe continued.

“Girls, you are being rude!"

"No, but seriously," Rose said, "She surely has nothing to wear. It's a formal evening! "

Garance seemed to think about it for a second before approaching me and grabbing my shoulders on the dock.

"I'll lend you a dress!" You can contact me via insta! I'll give you the time! We'll take care of you! "

"Uh..No, really..I ..."

“Louis? Isn't that a good idea? "

She turned to him and I really thought about hanging myself with the mooring ropes. Pity. Not again.

“The more, the merrier. You should come."

It had been so long since we had seen each other. I mean .. Elsewhere that on the drawings that were starting to invade the walls of my room. I realized I missed him. And that thought made my cheeks red.

I glanced at Camille who was grimacing without being able to say anything. It would seem like the bad guys not to accept an invitation like this.

" Fuuuuck! I wanted to invite her myself! Cried Dalil. Alistair grabbed his arm so that he calmed down and he and Silas came in, super pissed.

"Very well. We'll come!"

And that's how I found myself in Garance's cabin the next day, trying on dresses, a korean mask on my face.

"We see you've been here for a long time! You are from Maghreb, aren't you? I envy the color of your skin so much! You have a peach complexion! "

She worked on my complexion a bit by combing my hair. I took the opportunity to ask what had tickled me all night, yesterday.

"Dalil and Louis have reconciled?" 

"Not really. Dalil is really childish when he wants to! Oh! I'm enjoying this so much! "

I looked at her curiously and her gaze met mine in the mirror.

"All of them are boys!" I would have loved to have a little sister to dolled up like a barbie. But with the great dress we found you! You are going to be stunning! I really want to surprise everyone."

The last time I looked at it in a mirror like today, I was covered in trash juice and ridicule. And today, my skin looks healthy and my cheeks are full from having eaten well. I might even find myself pretty if being next to her didn't make me look dumb. I comically wished it was contagious, to feel like an insta-girl.

A flower too.

And it was surely naive, but I indulged in the softness of satin against my skin, the thousand sparkles of glitter from eyeshadows and the intoxicating fragrance that emanated from Garance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miss the beach, the summer vibes! Kind of cool actually that the story matches our real time, right? Well..If we forget that corona-thing....


	16. Insta girl for a night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza puts on her best dress for the bal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh! Holiday, hot days, cool nights, the sea breeze, ice cream and restless hours waiting for meteor shower...And..Dalil?

There is something spellbinding about the harbor lights seen through my cabin window. Garance, who has just finished preparing herself, laughed.

"You look way prettier than the headlights out there, you should take a look in the mirror!" 

To tell the truth, I find it difficult to look at myself. While she had put on her face mask, she became obsessed with the idea to take a picture of her work. The pics we had taken of me took my breath away. Those damn influencers...They knew everything! The best light to make my skin shine, the perfect pose to give an illusion of grandeur, I was reluctant to record them on my phone.

The dress she gave me is really short, but the bustier suits me well. It must be said that I have small breasts and that really enhances it. And the flared petticoat full of pleats covers tat 6 years-old silhouette of mine. It changes me to be a breadboard without charisma.

Between the lipstick, the contouring that hollows out my high cheekbones, the brushing and the tan that makes my eyes sparkle, I look more like a woman than I have ever been. It flatters me and at the same time it terrifies me. So I avoid meeting the gaze of this other me- this better me - in the mirror.

“It's time to go” Garance told me. I followed her dragging my foot in my hand. I wanted to save myself for the high heels. When I went out to weddings with my mom, I would end up barefoot every time or so. I imagine this time it would not be tolerable, especially since what she had told me about the shoes had convinced me that it was true.

And given the place where I landed, it surely was. I didn't think there could be marks and chandeliers in ships, but maybe the movie Titanic is a faithful re-creation. The full metal buffets, the discreet waiters all around the room slaloming between the high tables. Above her put cups of juice that I would never drink, and elbows covered with cartier bracelets of the girls at the reception. Everyone is dressed so well, luckily I agreed to have her lend me something.

"Garance ... I don't feel very comfortable .."

" But why? You are so beautiful. Come! "

She pushed back the long satin scarf that slid down her tight dress and took me by the shoulders. I spared myself the image of the fairy godmother. I shouldn't be flying too much. But I think it was already too late.

When we arrive, everyone turns around. And even if I know it's for Garance, eyes curious to see what the slob I am has done to hide the injustice of this world. And given the surprise, the masonry did the job.

"Is that the janitor's daughter? "

“Are you serious? The second-grade scholar?"

“Louiza Mazari? "

Ok. STONKS. My ego has soared. As well as my anxiety. On the one hand, I want to yell at them "look at me, you bumps!" on the other, I want to run dramatically and hide myself under a table.

“Well the expression must be true. If you polish the stone enough it will shine like a diamond! There is only Garance Taudeau to accomplish such a feat! ”

Prowess ... Way to exaggerate. But I can't help but blush. I'm in the process of being validated. I almost feel like a princess. I get the likes floating around their heads, and I almost want to post my face right away on Instagram. I've never felt so fresh ... Well, I did once.

"Louiza ... You are beautiful! Camille has all rosy cheeks, and I have the impression of being complimented by my little brother. I think at Sully back home who would only have laughed at me.

“Thanks Cam!"

After that, my gaze met Louis's. We observed each other for a few seconds. He was wearing a sort of patterned velvet jacket. Yet he still looked so odd. And when he smiled at me, I thought I was going to collapse on my heels.

"You're pretty. "

I looked away, flattered and ashamed.

"What's that for an expression, Princess?" Silas threw at me. I looked up and he smiled at me.

"But yes! You look older, I prefer beautiful girls to cute ones!" Alistair made me laugh with this nonsense. It was their way of complimenting me, and in a way, it made me feel more comfortable. It was then that I noticed Dalil looking at me without saying anything. He had a funny expression. I took the rest of the courage I had left to put a hand on my hip and posed as Garance had told me to do.

“You hair are nice like that. You're not too bad. I would almost allow you to DM me."

I arched an eyebrow, and the quiet encouragement from Alistair and Silas made me chuckle. Dalil blushed like I've never seen him do. In your rat face!

“She learns quickly!" Commented Alistair. After that the boys invited me to help myself at the buffet. I was not going to be shy! I know Garance would hate me for it, but I could always undo the dress discreetly to swallow stuff. I am with Camille to observe this jet-set that I would never think of seeing up close, that I would never think of joining. From a distance I must have looked like one of them and on contrary to what I had forced myself to think all year long, it wasn't that bad.

I felt pretty like never before, and at the same time, it was easy to poke my heels off balance.

I wanted to help myself a little bit to drink, but I had a hard time finding something non-alcoholic.

"You can take this." A familiar voice told me, much less confident than usual.

He served me a glass of some sort of fruit juice, and the scene almost looked like the betrayal of Judas.

"Thank you ..." I whispered, taking a sip. I must have had a really dry throat because the juice made the rest of my sentences much smoother.

"Aren't you drinking? I asked, with more contempt than I should have.

"Not tonight."

What an answer! To think I saw him play the clean-boy in front of my parents, it made me chuckle. I waited for him to get angry but he didn't, and when I turned my face in his direction he's still observing me. His dark irises seemed to absorb all the light in the room. But not just any, it was the one emanating from me. It made me so uncomfortable that I couldn't help but throw a spade at him.

“Say mashallah and look away. You'll gave me the evil eye."

Dalil gave a hissed laugh, and it was as if the next second he was back to himself. Well, that's what he was trying to make me believe. He put his glass on the table and just as I was about to walk away to join Camille, it got dark on the boat. Well after all we were floating on waves. I was so surprised that on the spot I grabbed the first thing I could so as not to freak out. The shaking picked up again, and this time the shock was far too great and the grip much unstable grip.

What I felt after that was skin against my lips and a hand on my waist. I had a bad fall and I really hoped I hadn't messed up Garance's things.

"Louiza? Nothing broken? I felt something in the corner of my lip I thought you had broken my jaw! "

It was Dalil's arm that I had gripped! He must have realized what he was implying. Through the thin light that flashes from the people around, I see that indeed it is he who cushioned my fall. At that moment, feeling that I was sitting on his thigh, his lower lip started to tremble! Awkward! I had to get up, but it was too late. Because I don't have time to readjust myself on my heels that the light comes back on so that everyone can looks at us strangely.  
My mother's voice comes to mind. "God is watching you." Ha, at least...Both of us knew it was all an accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao can't believe I really adapted that shit...Their it is : that one shoji-scene where all the planet align and physics has no longer value so the mc find herself unfortunately kissing the male lead...It's cringe & cliché, but God! The drama is so good


	17. Those lips dream of it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza can't help but dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The not-a-kiss accident happened, and now : the lights are on!

I immediately turned my head towards Dalil as if to hide myself from the others. He hadn't taken his eyes off me for a single minute. All I could think of was: shame! Shame! The mega-shame!

I felt like I was a newborn calf, unable to get up because of these shoes which hurt like hell. Beautiful places? Really? At what price!

It was Cam who came to give me a hand, and Dalil looked away at that moment.

“It was really you. You could have avoided clinging on to me like that, I thought you were going to hurt yourself but I'm the one who took al the shock!"

At that time, people around had confirmation that what they had just seen was not an hallucination. And to tell the truth, it wouldn't have been more serious than that, if that bitch Iris hadn't shouted that I had jumped on him to kiss him.

"Louiza? Really?" Cam was surprised, also seemed to be uneasy. Seriously. I could still feel the fabric of his pant against the inside of my thigh. I couldn't help but blush again.

"But ... Dalil ... I didn't kiss you!"

He ran a hand over the corner of his cheek that I must have touched by accident. Oh no. That was it. It was God who punished me for lying to my parents, surely! Or maybe who was fulfilling their secret invocations ..

It can't be true. I pushed back the people who were cutting my way and headed for the first door that led to the bridge. I needed air. Those idiots would be happy to say that I had threw myself on Dalil and I already had my dose of all the gossips this stupid fall was going to put on me. Like I needed this!

And even though it was an accident, I can't help but feel embarrassed. Come to think of it, I still have the feel of his hand on my waist, his skin against my lips. Aaargh! I want to rinse myself with all the sea salt!

"I imagine you've never kissed anyone? "

I turned to find Dalil who had followed me on the deck, displaying an uneasiness that wasn't familiar to him.

"Well ... it'll be memorable, hun? And what a setting! Even if..You know, there are more romantic places..."

Oh no! It continues. He's expecting _that michto-thing_ from me again! he knows it annoys me, that's why he annoys me. I want to throw myself overboard.

"Louiza, are you shaking? " He approached me but I instinctively backed away.

"Don't come near me!"

And the next second I disappeared on the deck. Even if he tried to call me back. It was my fault, it was my punishment. _Cinderella for a night!_ What an idiot!

I tried to be someone else and now I'm paying the price. I made a fool of myself. My evening has only just started but it's already time to go home. I rinsed my face in the toilet when Camille joined me.

I think he too agreed that we might not have our place there at the moment.

That's what I told myself before I fell asleep. So naive, so naive, so naive ...

That night I dreamed that I was kissing someone, good, that I really loved.

I felt a lot more ridiculous when I woke up, and after having lunch I insisted on going for a swim, just to rinse myself of all that. I was walking around the square when I saw Silas reading a novel on a deckchair. I tried to do demi-tour, but Alistair called my name from the height of his 1,90m. To make sure everyone knew I was there.

I pulled the tunic I was wearing around my waist around my body, and approached Garance who was waving to me. The rich kids had made a whole corner of the place just for them. With servers, their own bars and comfortable seats, they stand out from the crowd.

“Lou! Did I leave you a message? You have not answered me! Did you leave so early?" Lou?

“Sorry, Garance. I didn't feel it well after ... the shock ... seasickness ... "

"Kisssickness you mean ..." Jacinthe sneered. I bit my lip, embarrassed and frustrated. That's when I realized he was next to me. Dalil.

Our eyes met and our cheeks were tinted red. My skin tone was darker than his, so with the tan I prayed that he wouldn't notice.

“Hey!" He greeted me a little confused.

"Hello... "

"Look at them ogling themselves like frozen lovers!"

"After what happened yesterday too ..." These dumbass of Silas and Alistair made a line before returning to their activities, one in his book, the other in his glass.

"Really?" Asked a terminal.

"Uh ... She was the one who threw herself at me. I couldn't do anything! "

But why he's he saying ambiguous things like that!! At that moment I realized which one one was missing, and I was overcome with anxiety. Louis! He was sitting beside Garance, looking absent.

"It was an accident! When the light went out there was... and… he was next to me so… with with the heels… I fell and… ”

"No need to give me all the details ... I couldn't care less about who you kiss." Awkward.. We can say that there, I had really reached new heights of shamefulness. After that I had to put up with the mockery and I disappeared from their sight as soon as their attention was turned to things other than my idiocy.

If only the tide could have carried me far away, I would have let it go! I felt so dumb. And even hurt. In my ego, and in my heart. Strangely, I thought Louis would save me again. Of the cruelty of others, of my own stupidity ... It was naive and silly. But I couldn't shake it off, because after all, the first kiss I dreamed of last night was on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this scene is probably one of the most awkward I've ever read in a shojo like...Brrr I'm happy it's behind me


	18. Something's fishy and only time will tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza realize that august slipped away into a moment in time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the sea would be enough to drown her humiliation, but still : Louiza has the get back on the boat to get somethings done.

After my yesterday's prowess, I tried to be discreet the following days. Thank God, Camille's house was in a remote location, we splashed around in the pool and silently sketched. I felt like I was spoiling his summer a little with the dispiritedness, but I can't help but feel stupid.

At the end of the evening of the last day, he went out.

Probably to cut himself off from my bad mood without hurting me. I was grateful to him. I took the opportunity to take a good bath and put on a summer dress. Garance's one was still lying in my room and I was going to have to bring it back. Following the disaster of the last time I had postponed the chore until tomorrow, but since it was the last evening: I had to. I packed her shoes in a bag, put her jewelry in a pouch and walked towards the harbor. The sunset only fed my melancholy and when I arrived in front of the yacht, I prayed that I would not meet anyone.

I went upstairs to the cabin where she had prepared me. No matter where I left her, someone would eventually give it back. I opened the cabin door without much conviction and suddenly my neuralgia left me! People were fucking in the room.

“Sorry!" I cried as I closed the door.

I imagine it was like that in all the cabins. That was why I was able to sneak in ... When I think he called me a bitch! While this tub reeked of pheromones.

I definitely had no choice but to go and confront Garance directly. I walked into the hallway where her cabin was. When I knocked she didn't answer, so I left the things at the door. It was then that I heard voices on the lower deck.

It was Garance's voice!

"... as long as I haven't seen her. Not too disappointed, Lou? "

"You called her Lou last time too. "

I would have liked to see their expression, but I had to settle for their voice. It was so bad to eavesdrop but ... After all, they were talking about me!

A little clear laughter reasoned.

"It's true. I find it so sweet. It fits you well! Louis and Louiza."

"Why are you talking about the two of us as an entity?" "

"The two of you matches ... You like her, don't you? "

He didn't reply. All we could hear was sound of the waves crashing against the rocks.

My heart was beating wildly.

“I was surprised, Garance continued, when you helped her out in school! Surprise and a little jealous."

"Why?"

"That meant you weren't my little Lou anymore ..."

"If I liked her ... What would you do?" Louis finally resumed. I thought my heart was going to stop.

"Nothing at all. You would go well together!"

It reassured me that she thought so, but that happy feeling was quickly ousted. This time by Louis who's laugh echoed, fat and false, mocking and sharp.

“It's despicable. Don't say things you don't mean. You play the hyperconnected and sociable BCBG, without worrying about what might hurt others."

"Lou ... I ..."

“Not that with me. Do I like Louiza Mazrani? Whatever. You know very well who occupies this place. "

There was mayhem, a little worried I took a look as I approached them. Louis had grabbed Garance by the arm and led her to his cabin. I didn't need to see the rest. My heart was no longer stewed, I think it was bleeding. I, who had been held back under the pressure of the last few days, burst into tears.

They look like one of those French-authored films, and I can't afford this kind of shitty bobo cinema.

I cried in humiliation, anger, and sorrow.

Without being unable to move, without being unable to think of anything other than each of his words had pierced my heart like I never thought possible.

I was so curled up that I didn't even see them coming.

"Louiza? It was Camille's voice. He was accompanied by - I don't know for what reason, Dalil - I tried to dry my tears quickly, but my bloodshot eyes would soon betray me.

"You're cry-"

“Look what we caught!"

Dalil pointed to a bucket full of fish. I was glad that his stupidity or his selfishness made him ignore the tears.

“Are you serious? All that? "

" Yes! Basically we made a bet ... In the end we had a lot of fun! "

Camille pushed one of those brown curls back behind his ear, and I saw his shiny pupils.

"Is that what you've been doing all afternoon?" The idea that he could confront Dalil on this subject was so absurd that it made me smile.

“You also know how to use your hands. I said to Dalil to tease him. At that moment I don't know why his expression changed and why his cheeks got pink.

"You're thinking about it! Jerk! "

" Shut up! he threw away, looking away, we have to find a grill! "

" It's a good idea! " I encouraged.

And our lonely looser band lost in the midst of these nights of love, began to grill the fish. It was tender and fresh.

"I'm going to call the chef to give us an accompaniment!" 

I pulled his arm to stop him.

"Cut the crap with your rich kid bullshit ... Rather bring back Coke and sauce! This is how we eat grilled fish at the beach!"

And it must be said that it was much better like that. It was really the holiday like. Okay, I was perched on a billionaire's yacht, but food everywhere tastes the same.

"There are too many for the three of us" noted Camille. Which was true.

At this point, Dalil got up jogging and when he came back a few minutes later it was with Alistair, Silas and their friends.

"Is that your emergency?" » asked Alistair, annoyed.

Seeing the plates of fish and the bottles I was uncapping, Silas sighed.

" Dude, I was in the process of concluding!"

“While you were fishing for tuna's, I caught some top quality fish, taste them! "

Alistair let out a long groan. And I couldn't help but chuckle. There was much to be annoyed with.

"And you're not kidding! That's why I don't like serious virgins, what's that? Are we in summer camp? "

“Hey! I cried in my defense.

“Eat! A resumed Dalil, pointing a hot fish on him, I'm not going to sleep with someone I don't like, like all of you here..You know who I am?"

Alistair grabbed the fish and put it in his mouth.

"Yes..Yes Dalil ... We know who you are ..."

Frankly. He is cheeky. I was cut off in my observation by a question.

"It smells good? Can I have some? "

It was Louis. And I felt him really confused. Fortunately, Dalil's stupidities had made me regain my composure.

"Yes I'll get you some!" 

"No, it's okay I'll take some on your plate. "

Following his direction, I handed it to him and he grabbed a piece of his fingertips before letting go of his complexion, looking at the black horizon that stood before us.

"Where is Garance?" " I asked.

"I don't know..Must be sleeping."

" Oh sorry. You were interrupted ... "

"Did you hear us? "

Shit!

"Uh ... I was passing by and ..." this time I couldn't contain myself any more. The humiliation was too much to handle. We can pretend to not lose face, but even this is taken away from us. I couldn't help but cry.

"Oh damn ... The grill smoke! ..."

Louis sighed.

“Women are so annoying. They only think about themselves ... "

"I don't know about this one but ... don't hate me."

Louis' green eyes widened, and despite the pallor the night gave them I could see astonishment shine in them.

“I mean: us! "

Oh ... and since I was there ...

"I must be the only one who consider that we are stairwell's buddies but ..."

"If I hated you I wouldn't have carried you up when you were so heavy. "

And with this, he smiled.

Maybe after that my heart bleeds a little less. It must have compressed the wound. It could make the pill pass, make him me feel better.

“Hey! Give that to Louis ” whispered Dalil absolutely not discreetly.

"You just have to give it yourself, you brat!" Alistair got angry.

It made us laugh, Louis and me. And I realized that more people had climbed onto the deck to enjoy the stars, drink soda and eat fish. It's much better than formal parties, even if we're on a fucking yacht! I could fit into that kind of vibe. It would be possible.

Unbelievable but the one who had saved this revelation and maybe my summer was that silly Dalil. Garance was right, he was childish but that trait might not be quite as negative as I thought, it mostly meant that he had managed to keep is inner child safe.

Thanks Dalil. Even if tomorrow, we will jump each other's throats again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely love this chapter in the manga, even if some parts are really childish, and stuff some things tends to be very deep and mature. Her discussion on the boat with Louis and the boys is one of them.


	19. d.- Because of you!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Dalil ask himself if he has anything to do with it

"And, you, the somophore!"

I whirled around, spitting all my disdain on whoever had called me that to find it was none other than this horror of Nouveau Riche.

"May I know who let you get on my boat?"

“I'm coming to confront you! Lou is really depressed about this bullshit. "

Lou? L-O-U. Does he really has to call her in such a familiar way. It's annoying me.

" You're talking shit! For the trouble ... Let's make a bet? "

" A bet? What's the reward?"

"Ask less rather what it consists of?"

I looked at him without much interest and he continued what he was saying.

"Whichever of us fishes the least quantity must stop talking to Lou!"

Well... He's he in 4th grade or something?

" No. Go away. "

“Tch. Alright I'll go alone, Lou wanted some fresh fish. I told myself that I would go fishing to please her. "

Oh.

I had forgotten this detail but they had gone to his place together. I sighed.

" Hold on. Come and sit down. "

He came back and I dug into my memory to try to remember his name.

"Arthur, hun? "

“Camille. "

The little one came back and I pulled out a lounge chair for him to sit in. I had already fished once with my mother, we had accompanied pearl fishermen as he did before the rise of Japanese cultured pearls. But I ended up finding it boring.

I gazed at the green sea, trying to think of other things than my parents' memories, carried by that horrible competitive spirit that I couldn't restrain.

We stayed a few hours in silence on the beach, trying to catch some stuff. Obviously his seals were packed. I should have guessed when he came to offer me his stupid game.

Fortunately, my line finally moved. It had bitten. I shot at it like a madman when the huge wiggling, slimy fish fell on me, I could suppress a cry of disgust.

"Don't laugh, brat!" I begged at this stupid Camille.

“It's karma. For all the horrible things you did to Lou. "

Hell, he's getting me pissed again..

"Stop calling her Lou ..."

“Lou loves being called Lou. I've known her for so long, we were part of the plastic art club before. Already as a child she was talented, and loved by all. I didn't understand what such a cool and sweet girl she could do on her own. But it's your fault! "

"Shut up,I cut it off, It's not my fault this girl is crazy about me, she's lucky that I let her hang around me. "

" Sorry? Camille asked.

"Why are you playing the surprised guy?" You saw how she jumped on me at the party. She's just asking for it ... "

In fact, I had had enough to think about the day before. She had ended up leaving very early, probably ashamed to see that she had been caught in broad daylight.  
Instinctively, I put my hand on my thigh. I still felt my leg being absorbed into her pulpit. You could say that she was enterprising!

We ended up getting back on the boat before nightfall. And as he climbed onto the deck, the ridiculous object of all lust was curled up like a crying child. Camille rushed in her direction, and she rubbed her eyes quickly I had seen right ... She is still whining and it makes me mad.

Why is she crying? It doesn't suit her at all.

"Hey Cod: we catch your compatriots, look? "

I threw the seal at her and she pretends to look inside. That way we could move on, all the same I wondered.

What had made her sad this time.

Was it really...Because of me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really short chapter!! Waw, can't believe I actually went through the first beach arc like...ARGHH bdhjkfne   
> Thanks for reading so far, it means a lot <3


	20. +. Dalil's first name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza finally ask how the fuck is named Dalil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! The bonus is much more funnier in French but still, at least : you'll know is villain origin story lol

“Say Silas,” I asked as we picked up the plates and cups that were lying around the bridge in the wee hours of the morning, “what's Dalil's name? "

The guy seemed taken aback by the question, and ended up smiling with all his teeth while throwing a knowing glance at Alistair.

"What if you were going to ask him?" "

I watched Dalil who was busy a little further away, it was kinda giving me the creeps to ask him but my curiosity got the better of me.  
So that's what I did. It made him feel weird that I approached him calmly, which I could understand. He put a black curl on the other side of his head before straightening up towards me.

"Say, why is everyone calling you Dalil?"

He frowned before coughing at me like he was doing it on purpose. He puffed up his cheeks like a child before answering me in a small voice.

"Because it's the worst name you can wear in a French-speaking country ..."

The question was read on my face because he got annoyed.

"Don't like you don't know!" "

“Wallah! I didn't really google your name ... "

And surprising as it sounded, it was the truth.

“Liar! I said it the last time at your place ... "

“I was too busy ignoring you. Sorry! "

Dalil clicked his tongue looking at me very badly. A long sigh escaped him and from a distance I thought I saw Al and Silas spying on us. It made me want to know even more.

“Well why are you getting angry! Repeat it to me! "

He took a deep breath before lifting his chin up, looking much more confident. As if he was announcing his title. Besides, given the length of the name, it was rather appropriate.

He told me. I had never heard the name before but it didn't sound particularly ridiculous in my mouth, although it was a bit complicated for non-Arabic speakers.

Dalil blushed when I called him by his first name and I thought he was really stupid for worrying about it so much.

"There's nothing particularly disturbing about your name!"

"Are you an idiot or what? You know how to say it because you are Algerian ... This is not the case for everyone here. "

At that moment, I crashed.

“Thabit ibn Raheem Al-Dalili. "

T-H-A-B-I-T.

I burst out laughing at his face. His name was already extended in Arabic, which turned out to be unbelievable, but in addition to understanding that his bling bling name did not pass in French at all. Worse, it was a fucking beauf joke.

I wanted to die. There was justice in this world!

When I think my brother complains that they call him Sully-mane. You have to believe that there are some who really suffer ...

BEAUF.

"That's why he refused to categorize anyone to call him Thabit." Well, apart from his sister and the Arabic-speaking people ..., said Silas, who had just approached us. Dalil gave him a nasty look and I burst out laughing again. Holy shit.

He had officially won the status of head-to-slap. He looked so embarrassed! Poor boy! How he must have suffered!

"Luckily for you, your father is the oil king! With such a name! They could've made an effort before sending you to the only place on earth where that's a problem!"

"Shut up! It's not funny "

Just to annoy him I called him without pronouncing the sound correctly. It is as if all his hair has stood on end.

Alistair, and Silas burst out laughing and I even saw Louis smile from afar.

I'm rotting Dalil's life at 4am on his boat, and I love it.

" Its ok! Its ok! Stop getting angry! I'm not going to call you that ... "

“You better not! "

I chuckled again. I was expecting a slightly more dramatic side story!

"Finally… He resumed, scratching the back of his head, You… you can say it… But only correctly!"

Here I want to laugh at him again. I absolutely can't call him that. Every time I do it, Mister V pops through my head.

"I think I'll stay on Dalil ..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok nice bonus but....What's so funny about it? Thabit is an arabic name rarely used here! The whole joke concern the fact than French people can't pronounce it correctly (of course)) but even worse : when they pronounce it, it sounds like 'ta-bite' which literally means "your dick". Gross and ridiculous, which are very good character trait for our boy. 
> 
> I wanted to gave him a really cliché sounding name and I thinks it's appropriate. 
> 
> Glossary : 
> 
> \+ Beauf : Ok...This one is complicate to translate but I swear if you type "beauf french starter pack" you'll get a clear idea. 
> 
> (beer, sex jokes, misogyny and poor clothing style choices). 
> 
> \+ Mister V : he's a french humorist, YouTube, viner, rapper and he did used the "beauf" starter park a lot to make jokes, and one of his gimmick was to scream "ma bite" (which is...really beauf....) 
> 
> Oh and...maybe you wanted to know but : Thabit means "the imperturbable one" ;)


	21. The nightmare must go on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza wake up for what seems to be a really weird dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the messy summer Louiza spent with the boys, she manages to rebuilt her shattered heart. With the school year that just begun, her head filled with sketches of Louis and Dalil, already planning his silly games...

I believe that in hell there are only iPhone ringtones. They must play on a loop, but not like the ones from the day we expect. Rather of those we dread. November mornings, or rainy days. Of those where the RATP goes on strike. Of the outing that you once accepted but that you don't feel like going to anymore. From the end of summer and the first of September.

It was while chewing on the bittersweet memory of my vacation that I started my first year of school. Two more years to go.

It's always less worse than three.

No matter how much I prayed that this day would never come, there is nothing we can do about it. As I left the bus like a lost soul, I heard Camille's clear voice hail me. He was on a scooter, the one that makes you look silly but costs an arm and a leg.

"Hi Louiza, ready for the start of the school year? "

"Well, the show must go on ... What about you?"

“I confess that I am enthusiastic. I told you on instagram the other day, but the atmosphere of the last night really moved me. I can't help but tell myself that everything will be fine now! "

To be honest, I don't see it that way. I happened to scroll through my snap memories to check if everything that happened had been real. Despite that, I don't know if it's out of pragmatism or pessimism: I don't expect a miracle.

“At least it couldn't be worse. "

I could at least be sure of that.

Still talking about that reminded me of my discussion with Louis. It was the last one we had by the beach, and even though our words were washed away by the sea breeze, I hoped he took them back with him.

Camille had told me that the way back that maybe all of us eating the same thing had made us realize that first of all we were all human. But hearing them my classmates talk about all these destinations that I will simply be unable to pronounce put my ideas back in places. But no matter how I wanted to draw, I couldn't stop my ears from sucking in the conversations around.

“I still suffer from jet lag,” said one of her. On this point, we agreed.

"But you didn't go on the school trip to Monaco?"

“No, Monaco has been seen and seen again… We were with the F4s, you know how original they are! "

The Idiot Bouquet. Still only good at eating hay.

“Are you serious? Luck ... I would have preferred to be with you than in L.A. ”

"Yeah it's really class ... How was it?" "

“Hmm… We went to a marina on the French Riviera. It was very rustic. "

I rolled my eyes at the playful look on Jacinthe's face. Iris wore the same. Eurk.

“And then the ecological footprint is much smaller." Rose said, in case anyone forgot she was an idiot extending the two month vacation.

Lower ecological footprint? On a yacht? I couldn't help but giggle.

"What are you laughing at, Louizer?" "

"Freak. You already followed us like a bitch ... "

Those bitches were really pissed, enough to _bakhal_.

"What?" Exclaimed their interlocutor.

"I give it to you in the mile. She was there. The whole stay. "

"She even took advantage of Garance's kindness to get in the way ..."

They didn't even pretend to hold back their contempt. Lord give me the patience to endure this one more year ...

I grabbed my physic textbook and sketchbook to walk out of the room. I had heard enough. And if I stayed in this class for one more minute, I would have blown her neck . When I think I'm going to have to deal with them every day! As if I didn't already have all the reasons to wire, Dalil and his asshole club called out to me.

"Here comes, Penniless-Lou"

“Orh… What a shitty karma. "

“What a nice way to greet us! » commented Alistair. He and Silas had a bad look that I never thought I would see on their pretty faces.

"Beautiful as withered flowers, you two are looking completely down..."

Silas yawned at the same time and I might have regained some semblance of levity if I hadn't realized that Dalil was eating _bricks_. It took me a second to realize that if the lunch box seemed so familiar to me, it was because it was mine.

"It's my lunch," I cried to myself.

"This? Yeah. It's better than last time. Even though it's cold. "

Damn I was gonna have to run to the nearest express junction to buy a sandwich because of that dirty kid.

"You're starting the semester off right, moron!"

"Are you serious? Is that why you asked us to come early? "

I heard Silas punch him in the shoulder and Alistair sighed, before snatching the box away from him. Very happy that his friends resent him.

It took me all morning to calm myself down this after throwing out the crumbs that were left in my box, I resolved to go up the stairwell. To tell the truth, I would have been lying if I had said that it was not the first thing I thought about this morning in the shower. No matter how tense I feel, I'm walking faster. And when I poke my head in the yawn of the door to check if he's there, I'm disappointed.

“You are blocking the path. "

I jumped up screaming, which made him stare at me in a funny way.

"Why are you screaming? I ain't that scary. "

“Sorry Louis, you scared me. "

“It's your fault, focus. "

Always so friendly ... Yet after that, he invite me.

"Come and sit down. "

I have gained colors with my tan. Hope this is enough to cover my stinging cheeks. I put my textbooks down and set it up making sure that my panty cannot be seen because of my skirt.

Looking at the sky helped me channel my heartbeat a bit. The leaves that will soon be yellow are dancing in the wind, even though the weather has cooled down, it's still so warm. It's nice. Even if we don't speak. This may be the reason elsewhere. The serenity of the moment, while I'm still drowned in noise ... I like it a lot.

"I confess to you that I thought I managed to colonize the place" I finally confessed, burying my face in my knees.

“Only here can I find myself at peace. "

"Then, the fact that you do not want to go out with me must also play a role, I joked, I'm happy. "

Louis burst out laughing, and I went closer to him, no longer hiding my cheeks this time.

"You're going to say I'm exaggerating, but it's my favorite moment of the day."

Louis and his clear eyes watched me for a while. And shit. I had still exaggerated.

But he smiled at me, and after that we discussed the end of our respective summer normally.

Her hair has thinned out, much like the fall leaves will soon be.

"When I saw you for the first time, the rose buds were completely open ..."

"Hmm? Are you talking about the time you came in here screaming? "

"Huh ..."

“I was daydreaming here, when the door suddenly opened and a screaming voice began to swear at me. Even the sweet scent of roses could do nothing to ... "

"Stop making fun of me! I cut, ashamed.

" Here! It's exactly that screaming voice! "

“Louis? This time it was I who was cut off, by the voice of Garance, whose colorful suit was blazing at the bottom of the stairs.

"What ... Garance?" What are you doing here? "

“I have a photo shoot for a studio. I was coming to ask you a favor! Oh! Louiza, hi! "

" Hello." I stammered.

“Lou come with me, please! Guys always want to hook me up ... that would pull them off!"

" Me?" Louis resumed, his eyebrows raised.

"Please !!" She begged him, joining her hands in a clinking of her bracelets.

" If you insist... "

“Oh, _tu es un amour!_ And ... "

At that moment she turned to me with a flick of her hair.

“The other Lou, she joked, I'm planning a party for my birthday in the coming weeks! "

Another party... Brrr ... If it was the same kind with the Idiot Bouquet I would rather avoid it, thanks.

" Do not make that face! It's a house party so no need to think about it too much. Come as you are! "

Sure...But this isn't a Macdonald! But it was her home so somewhere, I kinda wanted to go. Just to check if it's like on the gram... What an excuse! The truth is this : I am too impressed.

Because in real life, she already knows what worries me and she has anticipated it so that I am comfortable. She's a wonderful girl, and I know I don't have that level. I glanced at Louis. He would surely be there this party. What is he thinking?

And I? What was I thinking?

We did not know, lulled in the silence, this vision immediately seemed less nightmarish to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! C'est la rentrée! Back to work, back to school, back to nothing, or whatever! Hope it goes well for you, no matter what you'll aspiring to! I'm happy to begin the school year with this new (and troublesome.......) arc of HANADAN!! Hope you'll suffer, and laugh, and cry with us, but most of it : that you enjoy this new year, Louiza, Dalil and me, we'll pass together in this fanfic journey or...God I'll stop talking : as long as you have fun, don't hesitate to share your feelings and stuff with me! Lot of love!! 
> 
> Glossary : 
> 
> RATP : Transports from Paris. 
> 
> bakhal : darija, expression use to describe the action of lying. 
> 
> Bricks : Maghrebian dishes (looks like samosa!)


	22. d.- You who put yourself between us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Dalil realize something about the space between them

I woke up in a surprising good mood this morning. The staff working in the loft that my parents bought me for the duration of my schooling in the Parisian capital did not seem to believe their eyes.

It must be said that in general I have trouble getting up in the morning. The holidays had been a fun that I hadn't felt for a long time, I had been right to hang on to Louiza Mazrani.

This idiot was hilarious. She who had ignored my Aid messages from last spring, ended up wishing me so.

I was already sure that I would manage to bother her at the start of the school year, but that had finished motivating me to do it during the summer too. When I thought that I was going to be able to continue fooling around with her until I graduated, I felt a particular enthusiasm.

When I saw her come through the fireplace window, her hair down, her lipstick and her uniform shirt all wrinkled, she looked like she had put in so much effort I almost felt bad for her.

It was even funnier to see her come down the hall with her annoyed look and that horrible sketchbook she drags everywhere.

_Louiza-Sans-Le-Sous._

The name must have been enough to annoy her by what her green eyes glared at me, green as a poisonous snake.

“I thought a lot in bed to find this attack." I smirked when she left. I had to pick the lock a bit to pick her lunch.

But that was enough to have the desired effect. Even though Silas and Alistair were pissed that they got up earlier just for me.

"It's kindergarten level teasing and you have the nerve to call it an attack ..." Alistair stepped aside yawning. Before suddenly turning around.

“I think she's on me. "

“Are you serious?" He threw, looking more awake right away.

“I'm going to toy with her for a bit."

Silas and Alistair looked at each other before turning to me again.

"Are you sure about it?" Silas asked, very detached and visibly skeptical.

"If that's true, she has a funny way of showing her feelings ..." commented Alistair.

"She is funny. I'm starting to understand why you're so frivolous. "

"It's ... not really the same ..." started Alistair before changing his mind, under a recommendation from Silas.

But it was. It was the same. Girls are good after all. They say that they are more fragile, but their strength is different from ours. It's not raw, It's subtle. It crumbles and is rehabilitated without one can ever expect it. But they didn't realize. It was so funny, it had been so long since I had had such fun with them. And every morning would be like this now? At that point, I realized that Louis was not with us. I had to tell him about it. I couldn't wait. That we would spend the year together, the four of us.

"Where is Louis?" Silas asked at the same time.

“I was also wondering. "

"I sent him a message, he's still hanging out on the stairwell." 

"I don't understand why he always goes there when we have a home set up just for us ..." Silas intervened, running a hand over his head.

“I'm going to look for him! "

"I don't know, text him ?" 

"He never looks at his texts" said Alistair. We are waiting for you at the foyer! "

I wanted to tell him right away. I wanted to talk to him about Lou and us.

Because this year might not be so bad. We were the two who had the most trouble.

I didn't want to wait, I didn't want a delayed response.

I walked up the markets one by one, propelled the air bubbles from my sneakers against the floor and when I got there I saw him.

Louis was leaning against the wall. He seemed to be having fun, a tuft of chestnut waves which was familiar to me appeared in turn. It was Lou.

I opened the door slowly to frighten these two nerds, and bits of their conversations reached me.

"I confess to you that I thought I managed to colonize the place..." Louiza confessed, her knees drawn against her face.

“Only here can I find myself at peace. "

“Then the fact that you don't want me must play too, she added, I'm happy. "

Louis burst out laughing, and she walked over to him. Her eyes were shining in a funny way, and the contrast with her rosy cheeks was not unpleasant to watch.

"You're going to say I'm exaggerating, but it's my favorite moment of the day."

And at that moment, she looked away. Exactly like the day she played herself the revolutionary in the household.

I closed the door slowly. I had just understood.

I've seen that look before, it's the same girls puts on Silas or Alistair, the way they sometimes looks at me with. The one of girls hungry for love.

Except this time I was left out. I don't know how I managed to join the other two at the hostel.

I just know when I asked if they knew Louis and Louiza were having secret dates in the stairwell. They looked rather surprised to hear it. It reassured me.

"Maybe it's because he helped her with the cops the other day?" Silas tried.

But I knew it wasn't. It was too recent. I knew that...

“Louiza Mazrani is in love with Louis Hélier. "

The female voice that sent my thought aloud belonged to that Hyacinth and her clique of flower girl who had embedded themselves on my boat.

“Every day, she goes to join him on the fire escape."

“Are you serious? Alistair asked, his blue eyes wide open.

“It's been around since last year. She's super slimy! "

“There was the evening on the French Riviera too! Added another, I have the video clip I'll show you. "

She handed us her phone which was open in her Instagram archive. Considering the clothes the two wear on the miniature, it was the evening when we were grilling fish on the deck.

I hadn't even noticed. I clicked to see what it was about. There was a sigh from Louis who turned to Louiza. She was crying, and I remembered that it hadn't been the only time that night.

“Women are so annoying. They think only about themselves ... "

"I don't know about this one but... don't hate me. I mean....Us!"

The video extract cuts off at the same time as my breath I must say. I completely ignored Silas and Alistair's exclamations. I couldn't believe that same docile and pleading girl was the one who trampled on me and called me names.

“This double-sided wench… I was the first surprise!" Rose resumed.

"How can you throw yourself on a boy one day while flirting with your buddy ... It's indecent."

“Louiza Mazrani is in love with Louis Hélier." Repeated Jacinthe.

“We warned her! She was told that Louis already had Garance in mind and this idiot turned as pale as her complexion allowed her to, before bursting in tears. "

"Girls like her are materialistic, she must have fallen back on you, Dalil."

Hearing my name in her mouth and was the drop of water that made the vase overflow. I couldn't take it anymore. Of those shitty innuendos.

I broke the phone. It was that or slap one of these racist bitches.

" My cell phone!" Another exclaimed. I wanted her to come out.

“Dalil?" Started Alistair. I grabbed one of the girls and made her go out.

"Get out. "

"Dalil don't touch girls!" Silas pissed off, huffing.

“Damn,” said Alistair lighter, “this Louiza is really something. She do whatever she pleases, and none of us has any saying in it. "

Silas laughed at his remark before adding, seeming to really believe it.

"But she couldn't love him, dude, I couldn't believe it for a second!"

“The opposite would have been too bizarre! "

And I don't think any of them really understood what was going on. Just next to me. And I hadn't noticed.

That filthy bitch had the audacity to try to get in between me and my guys?

“No one has ever humiliated me like this."

"Who ... Relax Dalil. It's that _pro-Lou!_ "

“Anyway, she doesn't stand a chance. Louis is crazy over Garance."

"Hold on! Silas resumed before putting his arm on my shoulder.

"Don't tell me you don't care for Flouss-Less-Lou?" "

“Quit joking. Want to get me pissed, Obame? "

“Dalil? "

"And get your hand off my shoulder quickly."

He obeyed, quickly before stepping back. And I know what they're thinking about.

They're thinking about this time.

And I must admit, that I think about it too.

I was going to take care of this story alone.

At that moment, the thought hits me.

I never plan to share.

With anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. This chapter is actually really cool cause I had to improvise a bit. I'll chat about it latter, but you probably know that at this point, the story is taking a complicate angle. I never forget that Domioji (and Dalil, by extension) was a bully, and how harmful for a lot of people he is. But me who only saw the story through the eyes of Makino, have found myself understanding his mind a little bit more. I'll hope it help you too.


	23. Highest in the room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza hope they make it outta here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (TW : sexual assault) 
> 
> I'll try to make a safe resume for the next chapter <3 see you in a few days and take care!!

When lunch time passed, I returned to my room, still enveloped in the scent of roses. I could not say if it emanated from the garden or from Garance's _magnifique_ tailor, but the sweetness of the moment was quickly tear away from me by the cries echoing in the hallway.

" They're fighingt? "

“For real? "

In general, I tend to avoid this kind of crowd movement. Mainly for that kind of reason, but Camille’s face appeared to me and anguished, I rushed to where the hubbub was coming from to check. A small crowd was gathered, although the bell had already rung the end of the break. The spectacle looming before us was all the more confusing. I got on my tiptoes to observe who it was. I was fortunate to see that Camille hadn't been targeted, because what surprised me was Dalil's icy face and the blue face of the kid standing behind us.

He was crushing the back of his neck and I felt my breathing quicken. He's gonna ...

"You're going to kill him!" It was Silas and Alistair. Who, contrary to their usual weariness, seemed to really want to intervene.

"Shut up. Said Dalil very coldly, before resuming, We're just testing his endurance ” and I'm sure after that he smiled, and I felt my heart turn in my chest.

Alistair and Silas glanced at each other, really worried. And from the words they exchanged without my being able to hear, I guessed they felt helpless.

"What are you all looking at?" Dalil cried to the bystanders, are you enjoying it? That's what you want from us, isn't it? Entertainment? So take out your cellphones! _Take them out_."

But no one laughed. Nor unsheathed it's cell phone. Everyone was silent, and perhaps terrified. What could be done against him? People here must have been aware of the events of the past year.  
About the time he had hurt a student in his class so badly that the poor boy had to be taken to the hospital, after desperately throwing himself out of the window.

That's why I was transferred, in the weeks that followed. I was the living example of how this boy could kill a man and without going out on a deal.

_I was the symbol of our helplessness_.

He finally removed his foot from the back of the boy's neck who coughed loudly, but I didn't feel more relieved than that. Because he immediately grabbed the first chair he could get his hands on and knocked it out the window. Screams echoed in the hall at the same time as the broken glass.

Finally, he disappeared down the stairs, quickly pursued by his two acolytes. The rest of the students finally got the hell out of it, living me alone, staring at the shattered glass on the second floor. I thought about my dad. At his office in the reserve near the place where the dumpsters are. I searched for a broom in the first class I found and set out to collect what I could. Someone hailed my name in the hallway, and they must have called me several times before I emerged.

"Louiza ... What's wrong with him?" 

It was Camille, he had joined me without my noticing. I was upset.

"Dunno. I've never seen him put himself in such a state."

"Careful! You'll cut yourself." My movements were too mechanical, but I felt him pull the broom out of my hands and put it against the wall. I was shaking.

“I came to tell you that the classes were canceled. Shall I take you home? "

Canceled. So he should have been fired or the principal should have called the cops? Not cancelling classes. I let out a mirthless laugh. I had to pick up my bin, and get out of here.

At that moment I remembered that I had a physics test the next day and that I had left my textbook and my notebook lying around.

"Uh ... Sorry I forgot my stuff, see you tomorrow!" 

And I disappeared, leaving him in the hallway. I had to hurry before someone found him before me.

  
Before he finds it before me.

  
The corridors had already been emptied, people happy or shocked by the news had rushed to leave the establishment. It made my passage easier. When I got to the top floor stairwell, I looked out the door window.

“Allah!… He is still there! "

I opened the door quickly, and my relief suddenly got out. Because the person who admires drawings is not Louis, and at this point I think it might be worse.

" _Salam."_

I couldn't help but be tense. But I had to stay calm. It was my chance. I take my things, and I get the hell out of here.

"Oh, it's you Dalil. Don't say that word, it sounds weird in your mouth."

I took a look at the drawing that he held in hand. It was silly sketches of the landscape that I had made on the French Riviera. Surely he hadn't had time to leaf through any further. It was my chance. Quick conversation ant it'll be over.

"You scared me, what are you doing here?" 

At that moment, he turned his head a little, smiled at me. But it was not the smile this morning, teasing and cheeky. No. It was the one this afternoon. I had to get out. Sadistic and neurotic.

I started to pick up my textbook and the sheets that had escaped, and as I closed the notebook it hovered over me, completely eclipsing the sunlight.

"Is that what you're looking for?"

I raised my head, perhaps already conscious. He was holding it. He had seen it.  
My drawing of Louis was in his hands.

He looked at it for a moment and I jumped up. Another day I will surely have ordered him to return it to me. But his dark, opaque pupils dissuaded me from attempting anything. He looked ... Mad.

And at that moment I thought, it would be best for me to go away.

"Give it to him! Bye!" I threw out trying to contain the tremors in my voice as much as possible. I put my hand on the doorknob, but as I pulled the door in my direction, with a loud metallic creak, he pushed on it to block it.

Dalil is tall. I hadn't really realized it. But those arms that trapped me against the door without my being able to initiate any movement had made me realize how much he was. Or rather, it was I who was small. I do not know anymore. I had the impression that he was a giant, and when his face approached mine, with his irises without any glare, I understood that Dalil was not only a great temperamental boy, but that he was a danger.

"You really made fun of me, bitch."

He had insulted me with a lot of things. But this one ...Seriously...

"What are you doing! Take your hands off or I'll get angry!"

Yeah, that must have sounded ridiculous. Surely. That's why he bit his lip while arching an eyebrow. He wasn't kidding. It was bubbling inside me. I wanted to leave.

We had to stop. I showed my teeth.

"Listen, I threaten him, you're better cut the crap or you're going to be in big trouble. I will scream! "

"Scream. Who's stopping you? Not sure that someone will answer, though. Don't make that face Louiza, you know it, don't you? "

Of course I know that. I am the personification of it. We can do nothing against him, there are people who are untouchable. That's why you shouldn't approach them. That they don't make them touch you. I have a cold sweat.

"But what did I do? Nothing! Why- "

He must have yelled at me to shut it up, but I heard nothing. I was too focused on his fist which simultaneously slammed against the brick wall. Against the clicking of his knuckles against the stone. His fist whose scratched knuckles were bleeding and he brought back to his mouth to wash the blood off like a wild beast.

"You know very well," he said with the most horrible sarcasm I had ever experienced, _Lick it_. "

I couldn't hold back the scream in my throat, or throw my notebooks in her face. I called for help, I ran into the first class I found to gain access to the inner courtyard window. To make sure someone in those deserted hallways could hear me.

I felt stupid when I heard the closing sound of the door . It would have been better if I could break my leg running up the stairs. The kind of bad choice from horror movies. I banged on the glass in frustration.

"If you come near I'll throw myself out by window!"

I said it but in real life it was a bluff. I was incapable of it. He must know that, because he kept moving forward.

When he pushed the benches between me and him very slowly, I regretted it.

When I shouted "no" I wished he had listened to me. I regretted when he pushed me onto my back and felt the wood of the desk against my shoulder blades.  
I regretted when his face moved closer to mine and his hands gripped my shoulders. Before slipping through my hair. That after his breath against my skin, there were his lips on mine.

I regretted putting on lipstick. I don't know if I regretted biting him, having the taste of his blood in my mouth. I regretted it when he grabbed my wrists which were pushing him back to place them above my head, without much difficulty.

I regretted being helpless and feeling all of her weight against my stomach. I regretted it when his mouth slipped over my neck. I wondered how many bruises I will have. But I didn't feel any pain. Physical at least. Just my body pulling. My heart that shoots. My head emptying.

  
I regretted that his knees separated my two legs, from the surge of terror that it made swarming all over my body like an electric current. Her hand going over my uniform skirt, digging into my thigh. I was sorry when I heard the sound of a chair scraping. That the memory of Louis Helier asking me to sit down came back.

When he said it was my fault.

That I had been looking for it.

That I deserved it.

That I believed him.

I regretted it all, and I started to cry. More than wanting to die, I wanted it to stop.

“Dalil, please stop. _I beg you_. "

I tried several times to say that I didn't want to, without knowing how to control the sobs in my throat. Through my tears, I thought I saw him stand up and take me by the shoulders to sit gently on the bench. To lower my skirt. Dalil ran a shaking hand through my hair, before hugging and hugging me. And I was so little.

" Don't cry. I wouldn't do anything to you anymore. Please don't cry. "

I regretted having finished the crisis of tears in his arms. That those empty eyes of his followed me to the taxi. I regretted seeing them disappearing from the rear view mirror.

I regretted having come here, knowing him, yelling at him, smiling at him. But what I regret most is knowing that we are no longer what we were yesterday, and that nothing in the world will ever be able to bring us back to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. 
> 
> If you are a fan of the manga you expected it. If not, you're probably wondering why a add this shit. 
> 
> Well...I don't know what to say. This is far one of the worst moment of the manga.This part tends to be cut out, and I don't think that acting like this moment between Domioji and Makino didin't exist is a mistake. It was difficult for me to write. I thought about it a lot and then...It juste came. I hope I didn't romantise anything, cause that's one of the thing that today, I'm blaming on the manga. Don't get me wrong : I love HYD for a lot of reasons, but some things tends to be really problematic. I still think that for the early 90's, the gestion of this horrible event was not too bad (I think that sexual assault still a big problem in shoji/josei even if it begin to change) but still too romantized for me. It's the first time I'm ever writing something like this so, if you have any remarks : really feel free to share. Here or on twitter : @sokosaturne


	24. It's not your fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza must understand something important : it was not her fault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the last chapters, Dalil went really mad. After he fought with some random kid in the school, he hurt Louiza, after realizing what he did. 
> 
> But, the damage is done. Now she must react.

I had to get out of the taxi.

To go home. I don't know if I hung out or what, but it was already dark. My mother was making the table when I opened the door. And I couldn't help but cry out when she saw me.

“Louiza !! What happened to your uniform?"

"I fell."

Obviously she didn't believe my excuse. But I was too detached to be concerned. She grabbed me by the shoulders, my features drawn with worry.

"There's even blood on your collar!" "

My hand went automatically to my neck. Some blood. Maybe it wasn't mine. I felt nauseous.

"Louiza? Is it an hour to go home?" Cried my father in the living room.

My mother was about to say something but I stopped her. She must have felt in my jerky breath and the redness on my wrists that it was best not to argue any longer.

"I'm fine. Don't tell him anything, please."

She sighed, nodding her head, looking much more pained than I was.

"Louiza, don't you eat with us?" Asked Sully my little brother.

“Your sister has women's problems. I'll make her a plate later. "

After that I headed for the bathroom, just to get rid of all that dirt.

_Women's issues, hun._

I cried in the shower that day like I had never cried in my life. I felt those hands still everywhere, like a cold bite. I rubbed it to get it off, with hot water. But his icy expression didn't disappear from my mind either. What had happened to him? Until this morning he was smiling at me. I didn't understand what was going on in his head! I didn't understand why he would go this far. I was so scared. Because I've only ever seen him as a stupid boy.

Who could have know he would be this strong?

I could not do anything. Even though I struggled. I had never been so afraid of a man before. And although I found it hard to tell myself that it was the same person. It had been him. It was very real him.

I again spat out all the saliva I had in my mouth. But the marks were somewhere else. Engraved on my skin.

I am amazed that women understand so quickly. It almost hurt me. The next day, Mom dispensed me from going to class after tucking me in until I fell asleep.

And over the next few days, I did everything I could to avoid running into him in the hallways before I realized he had stopped coming. I was glad mom didn't say anything. All I know is that in the afternoon, Harmonie stormed into my house. I had no one to talk to, so I told her.

"Are you serious? Fuck, this is horrible!"

She pulled one of her braids behind her ear, she looked shocked and angry. I was mad at myself for overwhelming her with this morbid story, but I really had no one ...

"I don't know what to do ..."

"But why was he so violent towards you, wesh?"

“Even I don't know. That very morning he was teasing me like a kid. "

I thought about his "kiss". Contrary to the strength of those arms, it had been so soft in comparison. But what value could it have, right? I hear him calling me a "bitch" again. Then beg me not to cry anymore.

I don't know what to believe, they're is only the taste of blood in my mouth.

"Are you going to call the cops?"

When she asked me that with her accusing tone, I couldn't help but bow my head.

"Fuck, Louiza, that was a sexual assault and he could have a serious problem with it!" 

"If you want me to tell our friends from middle school?"

"I do not want! I don't want to ... Let my old folks know and ... It'll just mess up everybody ... I can't do anything against him. I have already done everything I could ... "

“Louiza !!"

But she couldn't say anything else. She just hugged me and I cried some more. It made me feel better.

The rest of the week, we spent it together. When we weren't working at the bakery, she came to my house. And that reassured me somewhat. When the weekend came, she took me to a quiet place and pulled out a little business card. It took me a second to recognize the symbol.

"Is this the center where they give us the awkward lesson on sexuality?" "

“Yeah. "

"Did you keep it?"

"You never know. And I did well. You should call them. It's anonymous."

"I don't know if ..."

"Girl, listen : you have nothing to lose. Nothing. When we have an injury, we treat ourselves. It's the same. Even if you have no visible traces."

I had tears in my eyes. And after getting upset with anxiety several times, I ended up calling them. I had a lady on the phone. She asked me to explain it to her. I feel like it went on for hours. But she didn't rush me or nothing. She listened to me until the end and then asked me what I wanted to do. I think she must have been a college student.

"He's he turning 18 soon?" 

" I do not know. He has just entered his senior year. "

" Well. Do you want to take legal action? Talk to the principal of your high school?"

"I don't prefer ... I ..."

“You don't have to justify yourself. But know that you have the right! Not only to protect you, but also the others. But you're not force to. "

“I know, but it's complicated. I still don't know why he did this. He's neither my boyfriend nor- ”

“It's not a girlfriend/boyfriend-story or anything. Anyone can experience this kind of assault for any reason. It's not love. It is domination. It's a way of expressing your power over someone. In the story you are a victim. Sometimes we want to understand what drives people, as if to make what they have done legit, what we have experienced more rational. But violence doesn't always come with an explanation, and even if it does, it has no excuses. "

" Yes, Ma'am. "

" You feel better? "

" A little. I won't hesitate to call you back if it's not right. "

“Okay. Take it easy, okay? I am always there if needed. "

And on this. I hung. I felt a bit lighter.

" So?" Harmonie who had moved away asked me.

“It wasn't my fault."

"Obviously, it wasn't your fault! No matter what all this shitty society says about it."

" It's funny. I was having the same speech as you not even a week ago yet now ... I'm struggling to believe it. "

“It's rooted in us. This injunction of responsibility. Or that God punishes us. Or that karma exists. And I don't know if it's wrong, what I do know is that there are injustices too, and that more often than you think, you are a victim. Especially when you're a girl. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part is actually the only reason why I think that these scene in the manga is not totally unacceptable (and free). For me, it was the first time in a manga that an abused girl was discussing about what happened to her, and why it was : bad. Even if I think that Yoko Kamio should have gone further...
> 
> I did try to put this spirit in this chapter, which I thought was...really important. You can't put a problematic issue in your story without discussing it,  
> it doesn't make sens. It doesn't do good.


	25. Something lighter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza, Harmonie et Camille get to join Garance's birthday party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After Louiza's horrific comeback, she found comfort in her best friend. To reward the latter she offers him a most surprising plan ...

"Are you really inviting me to LA Garance Taudeau's party?" The super notorious Instagrammer? "

“It's your reward for being such a good friend the past few weeks. "

"Yeah, what a way to get back to school… But! Now we're really going to have fun! You bet I'm coming! At what time is it?"

"It's this evening. I had planned to tell my parents that I slept at your place, since we spent the week together, they fall for it."

“Right! Well listen, come over to my place and try to bring back some clothes. Garance Taudeau, she cried out loud, What am I going to wear ?!"

Even though I had been reassured that she was telling me that I could come as I was, I shouldn't be humiliating myself like the last time. My wardrobes weren't crumbling with party outfits, but maybe Harmony's sister would have something to make us suitable.

When I arrived at her place, she opened the door for me with the deepest neckline I have ever seen.

"Does it dig to the core of the earth? "

"You're just jealous because I actually have things to put in there ..."

I chuckled at her remark and she let me in. At this time of the afternoon her parents had to work. Fortunately, they are much chill than mine.

"Hi, Louiza, Anne-Laure told me, appearing on an office chair. 'such a long time! "

" Yeah a really long time. You, ok? "

" It depends? Are you ready for the makeover session? "

" It's necessary."

“Harm told me! If I had no job I would have come with you, lucky ones! But to optimize my chances, they have to invite you back."

I wasn't really counting on her, but at least she was still so excited.

She made me try on a few rags of all colors before putting on me a pink high neck crop top and some sort of white vinyl skirt. I looked at Harmonie in her plunging neckline and huge lace-up pumps. We looked more like stepping out of a Fashion Nova show than at the birthday party of the most BCBG girl in the capital.

I looked at the space in my stomach between the crop top and the skirt.

" Are you sure of yourself? Anne-Lau? "

" Sure I am! Tonight you will be the most pretty girls at the dance! I'll do your makeup now! Just right. Stylish but not too much. "

“Not too much? For real? » Harmonie blurted out, flabbergasted and before taking a kick. We did not discuss more than that because we barely had time to stick false eyelashes and put on our hellish shoes when Camille's text message fell.

“His driver must be waiting for us in front of your building. "

"Alright alright, Louiza, shall we going?"

“Hmm." I took a deep breath and with that, we passed out in the night.

There is one detail that I did not think about. Maybe because I try to forget it as soon as possible because he made me sick. I had worried more about what I was going to put on, frankly (seeing what I had on my back - I was right) than what I would do when I got there.

The house was beautiful and far too big for me to believe it was still in the city center. We crossed the large flowered entrance before arriving at the door. I had never dealt with a bouncer, yet even though I knew I had the proof and my name was on the list. I still thought they were going to free us. I had done well to warn Garance that I would bring people back ... The sigh of relief from my two friends confirmed it to me. My poor friends… They weren't any more comfortable than I was. When we arrived, we invited each other through the house. Until arriving in a huge garden. Large white arbours covered some places and sideboards like I had seen were placed everywhere. There were a lot of people and above all, a lot of internet people. I'm a fanfic main character and I want to scream.

“Omg, hallucinated Harmonie, maybe we'll be on their stories !"

Argh. I'd better avoid that.

"A houseparty with only friends of mine she said ..."

"Hey, isn't that the girl who stars in the Netflix series, there?" Camille asked, pointing a trembling finger in her direction.

Harmonie let out a little cry.

"On the Koran, that's her!"

Oh… I already had a headache. And when I heard someone say the F4's are there. I regretted having come. To regret badly. My gaze fell on Dalil's, who was discussing with the others. My heart started pounding, and for a second I thought I had never left the classroom. Except he looked up at me, for a moment he seemed embarrassed before he changed his expression completely, became indecipherable. I had to be red like the glasses of wine that adorned the tables. Seriously. Couldn't I meet someone else's gaze? Should it fall on this junkyard dog? I didn't know what to do or what say. Except the proud from afar without being incapable of the slightest movement. It was Harmony that got me out of my lethargy.

"Louiza? Louizaaaa? "

"Guys, let's move quickly, do -"

“Louiza Mazrani? So you were invited?" Silas appeared next to me. He watched us up and down with Harmony before saying.

“You are dress like underage girls who want to look older in the nightclubs. "

I think we must have picked up Harmony with a teaspoon, I clenched my teeth, compressed in this tiny crop top.

"And you, Miss? Have we already met each other, by any chance?" Silas asked, running a hand over his short hair, making sure that the light glided over his skin in the most magnificent way.

I felt my mate tense next to me… could I blame her?

“It's possible I work in the same bakery as Louiza. "

“I saw it well then! I never forget a pretty face."

Oh, please lord. Ok, basta! I intervened between her who had surely already lost the waters and this silly dredger of Silas.

"Listen to me, go do your charm act at someone else's! Besides, have I taken again to divert the subject, where is Garance? "

Silas seemed to think about it before turning to ask someone else. By shifting, I saw that it was to Dalil that he had addressed the question. Our eyes met again, and I was ashamed, on the other hand what I had not expected is that he answers us very dryly before turning away.

What was that?

Nah, but am I dreaming? He's... Pissed?!

The guy's cheek! He assaulted me! I still don't know what made him do that! He should be at my feet begging my forgiveness.

I hate it so much!

"Let's go eat something!" I called out to Cam and Harm, passing off the heaviness in my stomach as hunger.

We headed for the buffet but finally we just observed it without daring to touch anything. It was too pretty, and somehow I had the impression that those waiters in white suits would look really bad at us.

"Dressed like that, it must be written 'beggar' on our faces."

“It's not too late for us to rush to the McDonald's."

We chuckled at this ridiculous idea, our empty plates still in hand. I motivated myself to have a little salad and finally I stopped in front of a cluster of small sticky white balls.

“It's Almas caviar. You must have heard about it already, right? "

I turned to the voice calling out to us. It was Louis.

" Um yes. I never saw that before. "

"Serve them, please!" He indicated. What the waiters rushed to do. They arranged them on small blinis, pouring a sort of sauce over them. He handed one to Camille and Harmonie before giving me one.

"Aren't you taking any?" I asked Louis.

“I am vegan. Eat ” And he smiled at me. I bit into it, feeling the small translucent beads sparkle against my tongue. It slid against Ems’s teeth in a funny way. I thought about the sparkling chocolate sticks my mom used to bring back from Lidl. It was a different kind of explosion.

“It's albino tarragon mixed with vodka, I think. » Continued Louis, do you like it? "

" Yes, Yes!" I grumbled. He smiled at me so sweetly that I thought I was going to pass out. If Dalil had been there, surely he would have told me not to take any. But he would surely have taken some himself then! Grr, why was I still thinking about him!

"Vodka?" Harmonie repeated, giving me a funny look. Ugh! I forced myself to swallow the rest to be polite and before grabbing the first drink within reach.

It was too late. The sweet taste of the juice made me feel a little better and I threw the contents of my plate into Harmonie's. They had gotten me pissed, so to make sure I pissed them off further I bothered to stare at the buffet servers as I did so, suddenly daring. When Louis pointed out to me that I had already finished, I just smirked.

The music was in full swing, and I was content to shake my head at Harmonie and Camille's remarks, without being able to get into the atmosphere. I couldn't help but lose my eyes to Dalil. He was surrounded by lots of girls who clearly wanted to be with him. It annoys me. But what pisses me off even more is when he gives me a look, showing some satisfaction.

"Tsss ... He can keep his smirk!"

Harmonie looked at me with curiosity and concern before turning to Camille. He was frowning. Curious I looked around to find out what got him into this state. A visibly drunk man was annoying a girl who looked barely my age. It was discreet yet the people around seemed to avoir seen without saying anything. The vision made me gag, and I felt my blood pounding against my temples.

"No, but look at this old pedo" I blurted out.

Harmony turned around too, her face twitching in a grimace of disgust.

"Why is nobody doing anything, wesh?"

"I think he's an important guy, a producer or something, so obviously ..."

"Seriously, that's disgusting ... Louiza?" 

I know very well what was going on. It made me tremble though before I knew how I had come between the two. I had nothing to do, I had nothing to lose.

"Can't you see you've disgusted her, asshole? Take off your paws."

"Uh..Lou ..." Harmonie tried to stop me. And I might not have abused too much, if he hadn't abused either.

" Who are you? An escort?" I didn't have time to step back as his hand slipped over my shoulder.

Oh. I see.

My blood has only turned. All I know is the next second I jumped on her to the cheers of the girls around. I didn't give a damn about my tiny skirt going up, or my false eyelashes that were in danger of twisting lose in the grass. I just wanted to mess him up. I only had the words of the lady on the phone in mind. If we don't do anything, they risk going after others. If we don't do anything, they ...

“You go girl!" I thought I heard Harmony say. She had hatred too. We had all the hatred. The guy didn't reply, but even under his moans I didn't mind biting his arm.

“Louiza!" I think it was Alistair who held me back by the armpits as if I weighed 3 pounds. That didn't stop me from continuing to press my foot against that son of a bitch's crotch.

After that, security arrived to get this big son of a bitch out. Well, actually, I was the one they tried to get out of the way first, but surely happy someone was doing it for them, some girls took my defense. 

Everyone was looking at me, I was panting really hard, and once I got up to my feet, Alistair let go. I ignored his worried questions. I was dying of heat, I was seeing red, and this time rather than looking away from him, I looked for Dalil. He was only a few feet away from me. I was tired, and I thought it was a shame. He made as if to try to hold my gaze, but I think he was shaking.  
I felt like I was stepping out of my body, or rather completely connecting with myself.

I looked for it deep in my throat and spat it out. It's not really my type, but the look he made when he read my lips, I knew that what I said next was well worth it. 

Lick it.

He stared at me for a moment, before looking down. And contrary to what I might think, I wasn't any more relieved.

I heard him, and fucked them all.

" Yeah yeah! Yeah! What a sight! We're good there, that's enough for today!"

Harmonie came out of nowhere to get off the side of my crop top which was slightly up on my bra. I wanted to rip it all out so much I was on fire, but the sight of the girl running away from me was the only thing that calmed me down.

"Thank you very much, Louiza."

"We know each other? "

“I go to the same high school as you. I arrived this year from Croatia! "

“Ouh, la Fame!" Harmonie said with a smile, she didn't know the opposite: it was more my bad reputation that made me famous.

"Ah, really. With the crazy people running away freely in this world, we mustn't stay alone!"

Someone clicked their tongue. It was Silas.

"You and Dalil I swear ... Then you are surprised that we say that the Arabs are savages!" 

“Don't compare us!"

We said that at the same time and I turned to him in surprise, before finally looking away. I would have done well to beat her too.

But we didn't really have time to get back on our feet or to criticize Silas' racist remark because the clinking of a cutlery against a glass ras aised in the garden. The noise ceased instantly and everyone turned to Garance, who had just entered in a dress so pretty she seemed to have come straight out of a dream. I turned my head towards Louis, he was only looking at her. Under the moonlight, she addressed the crowd.

"Good evening everyone. It makes me so happy that you all came today, thank you! For those who are not here I imagine you will have news soon!" she quipped.

It is true. Lots of people had their smartphones unsheathed, Cam and Harm included.

“Today I am 20 years old, and I have made several decisions. Not easy, neither for me nor for you but who I believe, are the one I really want to follow. I am going back to Tokyo next month. "

At that point, she untied her bun and as we all looked out for a cascade of brown hair, a little bob unfolded. For a second, I was worried I'd steal the show with my impromptu little fight, but it was far from the momentous event of the evening.

“Holy shit." Harmonie whispered, dropping her cell phone. And frankly, I could not have said better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is really long! Hope you enjoyed it!


	26. Nausea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza regurgitate everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Louiza sure offered quite a show during Garance's birthday party! But Thanks to her unexpected speech, everyone forgot about it! But, now that she decided to go? What's gonna happen to all of them?

"Dad? Mom? I will not come back to France anymore. I want to study there, international rights. I want to feel useful to the world. I know you wanted me to take over the company but ... I don't feel like I can. I give up on my hair, on this pretty dress, on my status, on everything that is incumbent on it."

“That for a surprise. » A stunned Alistair said. Dalil and Silas didn't look different either.

"Strangely, it looks like her, Silas commented, although I can't quite believe it! "

To cover up the madness, there were all the flashes that started to crackle, and I already knew that it would run on the Internet all night. She is truly amazing. As wonderful as I imagined. But all my thoughts were already on someone else, who must have been even more shocked than us.

Louis, who had looked so animated earlier in the day, had regained that impermeability that he was familiar with. And it's the green of those eyes that made me thought that maybe Gatsby had to make the same face before turning back every day to go home.

"Louiza, you tell them, that I headed first."

And like that, the green light went out. I did not feel well. I was having awful hot flashes and yet all the hairs on my body stood on end as if I was freezing to death.

“Louiza !! Harmonie interrupted me pulling on my arm, Phew! what just happened?! "

I watched the frail figure of Louis Helier disappear into the woods at the end of the garden. How many times had he been there? He had to know every nook and cranny, he surely knew where to go to cultivate his sorrow in silence. It was the beginning of the end of summer, and my heart broke for someone else than me.

"Hey you? You're all yellow, are you okay? "

“My head hurts, Harm, that's all. "

"It was..Like in a drama!" I can't believe I actually attended like ... Do you think it's wrong if we post it on insta? Well maybe in private story ... "

Harmonie kept talking as I was overheated.  
My brain was getting confused. I wanted to run everywhere, but also to throw myself on the ground. It was hellish.

I was gagging and I had to sit down before I looked around.

“Ohlala Lou! It's going up! I'm going to get you some water for you to cool off! "

I didn't understand what she was saying, but when she let me hang on to the trunk of the big oak tree at the back of the big garden, I let it go. I closed my eyes, lost in the meandering distant noises echoing against the walls in my head, when a much more noticeable one reached me.

“You've grown so much since the last time! You must be impatient to take over the family business. "

“ _Inshallah_! As you say! "

“Hmm. _Inshallah_. This voice was much less enthusiastic than the other two. But hearing Arabic here piqued my curiosity. I glanced across the tree. And by the light of the lanterns, I saw two men of a certain age who addressed a Dalil just as jaded as he could be.

"You really look like your father! Besides, since we're talking about him, maybe you could slip him some words about us? Here's my card... "

“You don't need to" he cut him off. "I don't mind his business. Go find him directly. He will consult you if he deems it interesting."

Sharper is the guillotine. They left looking really humiliated. And there Dalil did something a little more like him by pulling his middle finger at them.

“I wonder how his father is. "

Dalil turned to me and I couldn't help but blush. Had I spoken out loud? _Wesh_? I hadn't even realized it. Suddenly, I felt like I was heating up even more than I could. He looked at me for a moment, before running a hand over his beard.

"Are you eavesdropping?"

"I did not do it on purpose." I threw away. And I was able to hold back my hiccups. He approached me before stepping back. What the hell was going on with him.

"It drives me mad seeing a rich kid like you playing the tough guy. "

“I don't play the tough guy. "

"Because you're assuming that you are?" I chuckled like an idiot, it wasn't even that funny but I could help myself. Maybe it was the pressure of a while back? I gasped again.

“My dad doesn't have time for his small businesses, so they're trying with me. Anyway, it would surprise me that they still get by for a long time ... "

I looked at him without answering. Rather taken aback. I didn't expect a lucid answer, I found him so out of touch with reality. He sighed, turning around.

"You wouldn't understand anyway, a poor girl like you." 

I shrugged my shoulders. Still an ass. 

"Ah yes! You must know so much about the world that I don't know! Enough to throw floppy disks at pretty models!" After that I laughed and I'm pretty sure he blushed.

“I'll call you back later,” I repeated, imitating him, “what a playboy!! My haram'o'metre explored heights that has never been reached! "

"You are really stupid! These girls don't give a damn about me. They want my name and what goes with it. I will never burden myself with such a person! "

I think back then I would have laughed at him, but then all of a sudden he started screaming and it scared me so much that I started to cry again.

"Sorry..I ..."

" No I...! It's me… I'm Sorry, he said in a softer voice, I shouldn't have yelled. "

He apologized. It was a first. I lifted off my tree to approach him, gaining new momentum. I remembered what happened on the first day of school. It came back to me. How did I manage to miss it? I thought about the cocktail I had drink. Ah.

"Oh I see. I'm really drunk! I'm starting to understand why people go get drunk. It almost makes me envy them."

"Louiza?"

"Apologize for the other day too! It wasn't my fault! I didn't do anything ... So ... If you apologize ... I'll think of it as a dog bite. "

"A dog bite ?! "

" Apologize! "

For a second, he looked at me with such a sad look that I thought he was going to do it. But boys are selfish. They are unfair. I learned it the hard way. He turned his head, making it clear to me that he wouldn't. Out of pride. It is despicable.

"It's ... You who should be begging my forgiveness! "

I wanted to throw up. I knew it, then no I didn't know if that was what he was saying or the fact that I had drunk too much. Maybe that was it, the events of the week were spinning like a typhoon in my head, I couldn't take it anymore.

"What exactly did I do? So that you'd act so violent towards me?" And this sentence I had released in my bad standard Arabic that I had learned in class. It must have been enough for him to understand it. Dalil raised his eyebrows, visibly surprised and tried to speak several times, unable to say anything. I think I hurt him, but it wasn't a right he had. Not after what he did to me. If this language touched him more than others, I would continue.

"How d'you eat at my father's table and then call me a whore in a classroom?"

And I approached again, maybe to confront him as I had done earlier in the evening. As I would have liked to have been done for me, in this room after class.

“You are an idiot." He resumed in Arabic in turn, his accent was complicated but it was enough for me to understand that I was irresponsible.

The retching resumed. The tree trunk was too far away, I grabbed his shirt. I really think I'll fall for it. I can't even align two words.

"The prophet ... He said ... it was better..you stick a metal needle in your head rather than ..."

"Louiza? "

"What..touch a woman who doesn't belong to you ..."

I wish I could understand what I was reading in his eyes. But I passed out before. The last thing I remember is that my name is called.

"Louiza? "

"Louiza? "

"Louiza? "

Hmm? My head feels a seal. No. A bucket filled with dried cement. But at least I'm no more nauseous. But the jolts against my back will soon return them to me, I see the black sky passing by, the lampposts. I am moving. I have something in my mouth, it's white and sparkling, then there's Dalil's face. He is leaning over me and that was enough for me to come back to my senses. His arms are bare and he only wears a marcel, I feel panic win over me. He did it again! He will do it again!

“Louiza! Calm down! At that moment he raised his hands and I stood up awkwardly and panicked.

The taste in my mouth was mint.

_Toothpaste?_

"Are you brushing my teeth?" I exclaimed with my mouth full.

“You're going to put it everywhere! Warning! Harmonie said, looking like she was satisfying her nerves. She was sitting opposite. I felt reassured that she was there from the start. My head was aching like hell.

I rinsed my mouth in a bottle they passed me and they stopped for a few minutes for me to go and spit in a trash can. The fresh air made me feel a little better.  
I regained control of my head. What the fuck was happening?

" What time is it? "

"2:37 am" replied Harmonie who had taken off her shoes and was walking barefoot. I turned to Dalil, very skeptical.

"Don't look at me like that, said Dalil, you reeked of alcohol and vomit, I wasn't going to let your parents kill you! "

Oh no!!

“Sorry!" I exclaim in shame.

"Oh, of course you're sorry! You better be! You puke on my Armani costume it was disgust ... "

"I don't care about that, well done for your dirty face. Ugly rat. "

I ignored the unworthy look on his face before turning to Harmony. Her parents were going to kill us for coming home after midnight. I nodded, she understood just as quickly.

“Cam came home with Mirjana! I think they know each other. When I came to find you with the glass of water you had already… evacuated… ”

"Ooh .." Dalil complained looking genuinely disgusted before getting into his car. I couldn't help but sigh.

"Don't worry" she reassured me, understanding straight away, my sister covered us. Dalil will drop us off at her place. I'm sorry I accepted but when he proposed to me ... "

"Do not worry! At least we didn't pay for the taxi… ”

Harmony chuckled and I did the same. What a catastrophic trauma management.

" Yes! And hurry up otherwise I wanted to let you take the bus! "

"There are no more buses at this hour, yes, you filthy rich! "

But I got into the taxi anyway. The lights of the beautiful districts were quickly replaced by their equivalents of the working-class ones, less beautiful, less chiseled, less brilliant then not brilliant at all. I spent the rest of the trip holding Harmony's hand tightly in mine, reviewing the events of my evening.

The year had barely started but I had experienced my first violence, my first drunk, my first emotions. Damn, I must have taken ten years.  
Garance's beautiful face and her new hairstyle came back to me. On the one hand I resented her, on the other was far too admiring. It was the girl in me, who tugged between desires and aspirations.  
Because even though she had given up on all these beautiful things that I wish I had, she kept these beautiful shoes.

“That's really it, _you have to know the rules to get around them better_. "

"What is she saying? » asked Dalil.

"She sobering up, let her be. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I didn't felt like posting the chapter last week, I am sorry! I hope this one didn't disappoint y'all though...Maybé I'll add one...To excuse myself!


	27. Sayonara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza learns a different way to say goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the party, Louiza has to get back in class...But with the news they learned, she's worried about Louis and herself, more than she should.

The Monday after class, everyone was only talking about Garance Taudeau. Normal. This was already the case on the Internet. I ended up leaving the networks to go back to sleep, my head still heavy. I had done nothing of my homework, I really had no mood to do so. It was the first time that any of my school days were this busy, and to be honest. It would have been better without. But I was going to try and do as these self-help books say and try to look on the bright side. To strive to do so.

The first thing I did at lunch break was run up the stairwell to see if Louis Hélier was hanging out there. He was there. I was disappointed, but not shocked. Maybe somewhere I had expected something dramatic. But we must continue to live. Maybe he also tried these personal development tips.

He strives himself to do so.

Maybe that's why I thought this was the opportunity - this was my chance. That we could finally be the two of us. And that Japan is so far away, and that in 3 clicks you can permanently block someone from your life.

"Have you been watching me like that for a long time?" He finally asked..

" Are you okay? » I tried. Like the dumbass I was. No but seriously, what the hell was that question. Still he sighed, letting his head fall against the wall.

" I'm okay. Do I look sick? "

He is still missing the point. That was enough for me to loosen it up a bit. I could never be stranger than him.

" Not really. "

Still, he looked elsewhere. Those eyes seemed lost a lot further away, in a place I could never go to, in a place where he had resigned himself.

“She surprised everyone. They only talk about that. What will you do? "

“That's her decision. We can only respect it. "

"She's like that," he said, smiling slightly, Since she was little, she doesn't understand why we get special treatment. Silas, Dalil and Alistair laughed at her at the time, but I ... I thought she was brave. Maybe this time she had the courage to be brave again. "

Frankly, if we were in a movie with a little violin air and a random gust of wind in his hair, I think I would cry. I had never heard him speak with so much sweetness he showed now. I did think that if love could make a sound it would be this one, and that's why he loves her. Because she is daring and she is not afraid to recognize, to understand, to know, to let go of everything. She's like that, she's wonderful.  
A part of me wanted to scream at him that he had to do something, that we can't talk about someone like that without that person knowing it. But maybe because I love myself a little more, I didn't say anything.

When the ringing started again, I ended up leaving, a little stunned by what had just happened. I had an hour of perm, it was good. I rummaged in my pocket, with this money I could buy stuff from the vending machine. I went down to the cafet' and sat down near a window, I would have preferred to drown in my thoughts, but a noise made me come out of my reverie. The waves in my cup made me realize that someone had just thrown something in it.

"We gave you alms lol!"

Ah it was a coin. I hate people. I hate them I'm sure of it.

I stood up, my coffee boiling in my hands. And I pretended to throw at him, but his overpriced-face reminded me that it would just give me more trouble.

I took a deep breath and did the most absurd thing I could do to scare them away. I drank it all.

"Happy? Then leave. "

They left, perhaps disappointed that I had exceeded their expectations. That my nerve exceeded theirs.

I went searching for the coin against my tongue. The metallic taste stayed in my mouth. I couldn't help but imagine all the bacterias I had ingested. It was a € 2 coin. The refund hun ... I stuck out my tongue and squinted my eyes as I was so disgusted, a shiver ran through me. I rubbed the saliva against my skirt before slipping it into my pocket, and as I turned I realized that Alistair, Silas and Dalil were looking at me in a weird way. Speaking of bacterias ...

"It's… the most disgusting thing I've ever seen." Alistair complained, looking like he really wanted to throw up.

That. That was really the big hechma.

" Really well done! Silas leaned, his eyes spinning out of those sockets.

" Oh that's good! At worst, it was to come out on top or not on the bot ... "

“Stop! Cut me off Silas, Don't say another word, I'll pass out if you do. "

"Seriously what a way to talk! Alistair said, you're a 17 year old young woman, canalize yourself! It's really disgusting!"

At that moment my eyes met those of Dalil who looked at me with his usual contempt. I threw up on him, he would get over it.

  
I intended to ignore him but obviously he had to open his mouth.

"Don't you have something to tell me?" 

"Uh ... Hmar?"

" No! Something else!"

I frowned. The truth is I did not remember much. I didn't know if he apologized or not and the last thing he said to me was "goodbye" in the car on Saturday, but I thanked him for that. And even if I hadn't done it, after what he had done to me he could well suffer 100 years!

"I find you very at ease for someone who vomited at my costume Armani!"

"It's "on" not "at" Dalil ..." Alistair sighed.

In fact, I didn't care about his Armani suit, on the other hand I freaked out for a moment that he would ask me to pay him back.

At the same time, Jacinthe, Iris and Rose entered the cafe, giggling. For the first time in a row, I though I was being lucky. 

“Still, it's cool that she's moving ! That leaves more room for ... "

" Movements!" After that they laughed, quickly followed by the snickers of Alistair and Silas.

“You are really calculating..."

“Serious. How vicious, Garance is not even gone yet that they want to eat his heart! "

I felt Dalil's accusing look on me, and that must have been the only time I didn't blame him for despising me.

Because it was ... despicable.

I greeted no one and fled to the nearest toilet. I needed to refresh my head. My kohl sank under my eyes, perhaps to represent all the horror that had just come out of me.

No but seriously since when did I think in unison with this bunch of bitches?  
This is not love. That's not how Louis is. He doesn't think only of himself, that's why he respects her choices, that he loves them. I really am the worst. Since when I became selfish like this?

Since when did I think things at the expense of others? I do not recognize myself anymore. I must have wandered the halls like a ghost for a while and when I ran into Garance at the bottom of the stairs, I couldn't hold back my tears.

Her hair were so short, and she was so free. Free from others, from what they could say, from what they could think. Like I was before, before I messed with this trivial thing has being worried about having a boy all to myself.

“Garance! "

"Louiza? Oh! I was in college for get a couple of things in order, and I thought I'll come see you! ”

“Garance! You mustn't go! "

" Sorry?" She looked really surprised. I had to get out of my role. I mean, since when does the weed like me make the rules in the garden?

"You can study international rights here, can't you?" The Sorbonne is a good establishment and ... At worst there are others in France! But ... Tokyo is so far away! And ... "

"Louiza, start by calming yourself down ..."

She grabbed me by the shoulders. But I couldn't even calm down, not until this was all sorted out.

"It's not my role but ... Stay in France! With Louis. At least for him! "

So that he is happy. That's all I can do. I think he saved me from something, by laughing at me, listening to me screams, not making any noise, playing music, ... When he wasn't there, I was filled with a void that I took a long time to detect. But it must be the same kind he'll feel if she leaves. And that I cannot that pain accept being inflicted on him.

"Lou ... I'm sorry but ... It's impossible. I can't… ” she looked away, pushing a strand of her freshly cut bob back.

“I know it's impossible. And ridiculous but ... I beg you, I ask you on my knees. »And the most astonishing is surely that I really knelt down. I believe it is a sin. But frankly, I already did so many bad things? After all the horrors I had thought about, after all the pride I had harbored, but maybe this is where my knees sink the best. On asphalt and dry grass.

"Garance ... Please!" "

She looked really surprised, and she made me stand up.

“Louiza, look at me. It was ... not easy to make that choice but I can't go back. I don't want a life of regrets. And I know it might be the worst possible decision, but I made the choice because I knew the rules. "

She knows the rules. 

I think that was enough for me to come to my senses. I straightened up. The knees still prickly from the small stones that had sunk into them.

" Sorry. It's none of my business. "

" No! I'm touched. I appreciate you very much even though we haven't known each other for a long time. I'm glad a girl like you is sticking to my boys. So let's say to each other… Sayonara ”and she put a kiss on my cheek.

And I believe that, I already knew. When she deleted her insta account. Everyone already knew. She's a good girl, and I'm happy to tell myself that it's that kind of wonderful personality that inhabit Louis' heart.

I don't really know what sayonara means. It must be those words which carry time of complex feelings, which are so heavy on the heart, that it is better to be expressed so that they fly away in the air, so they can go away forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I used to be so punctual and now I'm so messy aha I don't even know if someone is actually waiting for those chapters, but if you were : thank you. 
> 
> Hechma : arabic word from darija describing "the shame".


	28. Airports are the houses of melancholia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza and the boys finds themselves on the terminal of departures and arrival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Louiza begged Garance to stay, only to find that nothing can be done : she have to get over it.

"So there you go beyond the limits!"

I don't have time to recover from my emotions as Louis's trembling voice echoes against the walls.

Seen the face he pulls, he heard everything.

I screwed up.

"Who do you think you are, seriously? Who asked you? "

"You went as far as ... Kneeling!" In my name? How is.. "

It must have been too much for me, because I couldn't hold back the tears in the corners of my eyes. To see it like that, to hear it like that.

"I know it wasn't my role but ... I wasn't going to watch you getting depressed and do nothing about it! "

“It was none of your business! Get out. Go awa, Louiza. "

And I imagine this time I earned it. Maybe it was the first time elsewhere. Even though I knew it was not my place, deep down I felt concerned. I had been presumptuous. Who did I take myself for, seriously? We talked a few times, what right I allowed myself to interfere in their life! I've done too much. And all these things that he must have heard in the end, they were so violent because they knew the nature of it. Maybe he had killed himself so he wouldn't have to. And that was more than enough reason to ask me to bar him very far, where I will no longer touch the privacy of others with my dirty hands.

"I don't know what I'm doing here" I grumbled, three days later at Orly Charles de Gaulle airport.

"Stop, complaining!" intervene Silas.

"She wanted you to come, and we found a parade for your parents, right?"

I sighed. Garance's first plane to Abu Dhabi would leave in a few hours. We had come to greet her, me, the boys and other people around her that I had already seen on her birthday.

"Where is Louis?" Silas resumed, adjusting his MontBlanc on his wrist.

I was so into the idea that I would never go to the stairwell again that I didn't even think he could be here. I did a quick overview. It was only Dalil who was showing the metal spoon he plans to slip into Garance's bag to Alistair. What an idiot. If only Louis had an ounce of optimism that this dumb guy had. Ah.

"Stop with the long face, you're already not very pretty."

How is it, serious? Everyone is fucking sad! Everyone but him, yet I know he cares as much about Garance as everyone else. He must be in pain for Louis, too! 

"Dalil, have you ever loved someone?" 

"What .. what?" He furrowed his eyebrows, looking confused. It had to be contagious. I grabbed the metal spoon in his hand, a Villeroy & Boch. I look at my distorted face on it. It should not be an image that is far removed from reality.

“I don't know what that means. When do we exceed the limits? When do we love each other more than we love the person? "

"I mean, I resumed, do you have to silence your feelings so as not to suffocate the other with it? Until ... It disappears? "

"It's the silliest thing you ever said. There is no point in suppressing your emotions! Okay..I admit that sometimes it would be better to keep them to yourself but ... If they are thoughtful and pure? Why would you deny their existence? You believe in Mektoub, don't you? So why are you asking such obvious questions ... "

I can't believe it. I think ... he said something sane. I even think that in a sort of way ... He apologized.

It is the simplest reasoning that exists yet, it is so true that it almost scares me.

"I can't believe you said something relevant .."

" Sorry? "

He knows.

What Louis and I have chewed for days in our corners without understanding them, he knew it. Well, I'm not saying that its application is grandiose but ... It's all about balance.

At that point, Garance appeared in front of us in the simplest outfit I had ever seen her wearing.

"Okay, well, I'll have to go." 

She greeted everyone, paying special attention to the boys.

“Make big vlogs and stuff!"

“Mail us too! We will think of you! "

Silas and Alistair ordered her giving her a big hug. Even Dalil who does not touch anyone took her in his arms. Of course he slipped his spoon into her travel bag and I rolled my eyes. His genius has a time limit.

"We have already said goodbye but ... There are never too many hugs! She threw me as she approached me. I also took her in my arms. the charms of those earrings jingled under her bare ears, and she smelled so good.

"Take care of yourself! "

" You too. Take care of yourself, and them too! "

I don't know why she got it into her head that I was their buddy, but I don't think this is the time to deny anything. So I nodded. 

"You know that Dalil pu-..."

"Yes, I will throw it in the trash before the gates." 

We looked at each other for a second before we burst out laughing. To the point of tears in our eyes. She also followed. I think somehow she and I wanted to cry.

"Will you say goodbye if to Lou for me?" 

And she must be so devastated that he didn't come. It almost made me blame him. Yet she left, encouraged by all. In the wake of her footsteps, there was only the screeching of these collector's sneakers against the ground. And I said to myself that with shoes this classy, you could only really go to beautiful places.

"Frankly ... Louis did not even come I feel like drinking ..."

"Youfeel like drinking all the time.." Silas retorted to Alistair. The latter sighed, smiling sadly.

It wasn't really party time.

"He is unrecoverable," commented Dalil, looking really tormented.

"Are you talking about me?" 

Louis? We turned around like a man in his direction.

"Where have you been?" You do not know how to read? We said 8:30 pm!" Cried Alistair.

" I was there... "

Silas grimaced.

"Huh? "

“I was hidden behind the posts but over there. "

"You really are a kid ..." Dalil scoffed.

And he was right. He was just a kid.

But I still had our laughter deep in my throat, its smell all over my sweatshirt. My regrets all over me.

"Are you for real? What are you doing here again! If she leaves you, go with her! Be a man and stop acting like some dumb guy! You're not 12 years old, anymore! Are these three fools the only people you want to spend the rest of your life with? Seriously? "

" Hey you! Silas said, slapping me on the shoulder. But I had too many tears in my eyes to stop now.

"You asked me how many hours are between you. You were worried about very futile things like the passing of time! But believe me, Louis, there are bigger shifts! "

And this time. I really must have emptied my bag. And no one said anything else. I was only looking at Louis and his aquamarine eyes fixed on me. We stared at the roar of the airport for a moment. And I was thrown down the hall. Except this time he didn't kick me out. He smiled at me.

“There is another flight to Abu Dhabi tonight. I take it, usually the stopovers last a few hours, I will have time to join her before her flight to Narita. "

He unsheathed an e-ticket, and I had to close the jaw that had hung on the ground all along his spill.

"Louiza, You have a strength that I don't, you say things that I can't say. And I can't honor that other than by trusting such a personality trait. It's not too late. Not as long as I decide, right? "

Let someone go to the trash and pick up the Villeroy & Boch. I think I had to be picked up with a teaspoon because I cried so much that the airport became a harbor.

"Thanks, Lou," and he kissed me on the forehead. His lips were soft against my skin. He was no taller than me and I felt his blonde hair slipped over mine, barely darker. He smelled good. And when he was gone, all that was left was his scent mixed with Garance's around me.

“Okay guys, I'm off! I'll call you! I'll miss the flight, otherwise! "

They barely had time to give him a sign that he was missing. But I couldn't see anything from a distance, I couldn't answer him so I just looked at him, his green eyes like his sweater, his light hair that we share, his name that sounded like a version sweeter than mine ever could. I said goodbye to him without really seeing him, through my tears that clouded my sight.

It was too late to tell myself, but I was in love with Louis Hélier. And that's got to be how we love people, pushing them to be better, regardless of what we want.

I think my parents were going to kill me, but I insisted on staying with the other three to watch their planes take off. We got out, I couldn't stand looking through the picture window anymore. The outside air smelled of kerosene and goodbyes.

“Louis did he wanted. This is a good thing. "

"If only I could love a woman to the point that I follow her everywhere ..." Silas commented, his brown eyes lost in distant thoughts.

"You're lying" Retorted Alistair.

" On the other hand. He resumed pushing a lock of his blond hair behind his ear, I did not know that it was you who had convinced him. "

“He'll come back eventually." Silas replied, in my place.

"As long as he's happy" resumed Alistair.

And I really agreed. As long as he was happy.

“Louiza." Dalil called me. I turned my head in his direction, the autumn wind that was coming up, fluttering my hair all over the place. It took me a while to clear this up before I could answer him.  
And behind my bundle of hair, there was a look so soft and serious on his face that I really wondered what he wanted with me.

"I would like ...

The plane on the tarmac had spun in the sky in a hubbub that had prevented him from understanding it. Between that and the coming rain. I must have guessed more or less.

... date "

It's Thursday then ...

"You mean date? You're fasting? I don't have any on me, sorry. "

And I did not know him to be such a good Muslim as to fast other than during Ramadan. But OK! This is the sunnah, after all!

" No! You understood very well! I will not repeat it! And also rudely, he lifted his hand off the metal bar and disappeared in a gust of wind. What does he want, tch?

“Dalil? Hey! Dalil? Seriously, what did you say?" I chased him.

“Dalil!"

"What the hell are you two doing?" We're going home!" Alistair gave us a sign.

I watched the three huge boys I had been in charge off walk away towards the airport parking. Silas then turned to me too, as if to invite me to join them. To his left was Alistair who had stopped to wait for me, smiling slightly. And then right in front was Dalil who was already moving forward, without looking back. 

"Come on, Flouss-Less-Lou, Silas told me, Hurry if you don't want to take the RER."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, it's sure been a long time. I know I said I'll try to be a bit more punctual, but at the end of the day : I juste have to do my best! 
> 
> \+ Glossary : 
> 
> Mektoub : designed "The Fate". One of the 6 pillars of Islam. Everything is meant to be. 
> 
> RER : already told this one but, it's the transportation in between Paris and it's outskirts. 
> 
> Date : You probably know this super famous joke in the muslim community, but we break our fast with a date! Which is a super sweet fruit (perfect to get stamina back after a whole day of fasting). We usually make the joke between the "date" as the only one we could ever gate (since extra-marital relationships are forbidden!) I let you guess about which one Dalil is talking about....
> 
> "Thursday" : Louiza is talking about this day cause The Prophet (sws) used to fast on Monday and Thursday.


	29. UMLA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza takes the dulness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The departure of Garance is less calmer than Louiza expected...

The thud of a hand knocking on my bench enough to make me jump to the ceiling. It's Dalil.

"Oh God, What the hell?! "

“Opera. 1 p.m. next Sunday! Activate your 4g."

Huh?

He spat it out at me and I barely had time to receive the info when he disappeared in the hallway.

What was that?

"Did ..." exclaimed my neighbor Émilie Marceau, looking at me with big eyes.

"In my opinion ... it's a date." She concluded, before turning around.

A what?! No, not possible. The info was wrong. But the Idiot Bouquet was sending me so many evil waves that I fled out of the classroom to avoid them from yelling me. Either way, it was too ridiculous to be true. I must have misunderstood.

And the following Sunday, while I was shopping with my mother. I made sure to put my phone on silent in the bottom of my bag.  
It was bitterly cold, it was the first time in days. Mom readjusted her scarf over her ears, saying that it would be better if we hurry home. Considering the big clouds that had darkened the sky all day, we would surely pay for all these days of good times with a thunderstorm.

"Stop daydreaming, take the bag."

She handed me a bag of fruit, which I grabbed with a sigh. I had to stop thinking about it. And it's because I knew that that I couldn't help myself.

" What time is it? "

“Well that then! You're always on the phone and you don't know how to watch it yourself? "

“Please my battery is dead. "

She took out her old Wiko to show it to me. 4:27 p.m.

" Oh! Look at these squash on sale! "

It was ridiculous. Yet I had these words passing through my head. Opera. Next Sunday. 1 p.m.

I was late.

And I had not activated my 4g.

I didn't like the feeling of guilt that was winning over me. I had consented to nothing at all. I was within my rights not to come. I wasn't going to stuff it even on Sunday, wesh?  
What would he do?

Whatever he hadn't already done.

No. It was a bad idea. I was better off here making fun of the merchants who were screaming like polecats.

I continued to wander with my mother when it started to rain. The sound of folding tarpaulins, crates of vegetables being put away, tables being unfolded, the voice telling mum that I have something important to do with Harmony echoing in the street. My pass that beeps at Courneuve station. Who rebels to go out to Auber. All this covered under the thunder that roars.

There's no way they're still here. I'm an idiot for coming. It would be an idiot to wait for me. I took a look at the time before leaving the station. I don't have the balls to take out my cell phone. Because I repeatedly send Émilie Marceau to turn to me and tell me it's a date. And that I can't believe it.

It was 5:16 pm. And it seemed we were both idiots.

Because he's waiting for me. Under a cap, his hands tucked into his sweatshirt. Girls watching him at the bus stop.

" You know? You can take shelter under my paras- " I guessed, on the lips of one of them, planted a few feet away.

" I'm waiting for someone. He pulled out his phone to scratch something. Maybe his driver. Or his private jet. Or even his yacht.

But I still unsheathed my cell phone, just to verify that it was him.  
I activated my 4g and a string of insta notifications fell one after the other. To the point that people around me turn around in my direction.

\- What are you doing here? 

I sent.

\- Connect two neurons. Bitch go! Did you see the time? Where are you? 

I was on the sidewalk opposite. But with under my black jeans, my black jacket, my gray scarf, you couldn't tell that I stood out. It's not too late to go. Still, I accepted the incoming call but if it was going to burn my package.

" Finally. You ... Argh .. You see me? "

“Hmm. "

" I do not see you. "

"Are you taking the metro? "

" No. I took a famous station on purpose so that a poor girl like you wouldn't get arrested. "

"You really are a fucking asshole!"

I must have spit that one too hard. Because people have turned on me. Another sigh escaped me. I pulled my hood back over my head. It was pouring rain.

"If it's like that, I'm leaving."

Go. Hang up. Why had I moved so far. I never should have unblocked him.

“Wait, Louiza."

I must admit that I was paying more attention to the screen than to the rest, because when he came in from behind pulling on my denim jacket, I felt all the hairs on my body stand on end as I pushed back. . He caught up with me so that I don't get upset. I would have kicked him, if I hadn't noticed that he was shaking like an autumn leave. 

Fuck.

He was soaked as if he had thrown himself into the Seine.

How long has he waited for me like this? Did he come in advance? Did he really take the metro?

No no no! There is no way I look him in the eye and feel guilty. I bit my tongue looking down. Maybe it was because of my pair of dingy Reeboks and his Balenciaga. That I didn't turn around. Because mine was dry, and his weren't.

“What an idiot for thee hours in the street!" I got angry, to clear myself from it.

But I was right. Still, what he said after that caught me off guard.

"You weren't answering ... I was afraid something had happened to you, it's so far from the strange place where you live? "

Class contempt aside, I found him perfectly cheeky. Because frankly Dalil, there was no one who was scarier for me than you had been. I should have told him, but the worried look on his face, a worried look that had no place after what he had done, I couldn't help but let go.

I am an idiot.

"Can you get out now?" I said pushing him away.

"Sorry..I ... I'm fr-freezing cold. "

I rolled my eyes at his chattering teeth. He was all stunted on himself, the canvas of his clothes displayed shavings probably darker than originally, having absorbed all the water that the Paris's sky had poured on him.

"Obviously you're freezing. Did you think we're in your desert, Bedouin?"

"Bedouin?" "

I think he tried to grit his teeth, but they chatter way too much for his annoyed look to be really impactful. It's the guilt, or the fact that he's harmless, but I sighed as I told him to move on. Even though the rain had stopped falling, he still seemed to be this cold.

“Come on. We're going for a coffee. I'll pay. "

"I hope w-well that you'll pay, tch!"

I raised my eyebrows, but that moment of inattention got me to let him move on to ... The Other Side.

"Can I know where you are going?" "

“Galeries Lafayette. 'Don't wanna stay outside for a second longer ...'

I quickly made the accounts of the fortune on my card. Galeries Lafayette were not an option. Angelina is very pretty, but maybe in another life. However, Brioche Dorée was negotiable. He just had to order something first.

"Come on ... More like there ... I know a nice place, it's not far!"

He muttered something before coming back to me. On the other hand, he was walking much too fast. I could have caught up with him by jogging, but a guy stopped me on the way. He was wearing these neon jackets trying to sell stuff.

"Miss? One second for an investigation? "

I knew very well what to answer, it was enough to say that you were not adults and they let go of your jacket. But no.

Dalil had to look big at him, suddenly straightening up.

"What do you want with him, Uber Eats?"

Oh. Allah give me patience.

I pushed it by dreading the worst. The boy was still in front of us, probably struggling to hide his tiredness from having only run into fools like this.

"Sorry, we're underage! Good luck! "

And I pulled Dalil's hood off. Water ran over my fingers.

“Hmar! He's not a Uber Eats delivery guy. It's-"

"It's your fault! You let anyone stop by to talk to you... "

Disgusting. He really does everything to make me hate him!

“On the Koran, you are really stupid!"

We bickered like that until we got to the metro. I was too lazy to go through the top, the humidity must have made me look like a poodle.

"We're going to go through the station, okay?" 

He balked but followed me anyway. A big blow of air passed over us when we entered the station. It was then that I fell in front of a toilet. I had my period, maybe it wasn't a bad thing to check.

Frankly, the bloodstain would have been better.

"Do you still want to stop? "

"I have to check something! "

Dalil let out a long groan. Before taking his hands out of his pocket. I completely ignored the sign that the toilet was closed. It wasn't for two minutes!

"I'm sure you're going to take the opportunity to disappear, I'm coming with you. "

“It's the girls' bathroom. "

“Nobody is there, it's ok! "

"Say instead that you're afraid of losing yourself without me, you should follow the stars like your ancestors used to."

"Hurry, Louiza, I'm not kidding."

It made me laugh to hear him rage while washing his hands, he looked really disgusted and it was done right for him. I quickly did what I had to do and luckily. It was the waterfall.

"Do you mind that I'm here?" He said, looking really exasperated.

"I threw up on you, you'll get over it. "

“Tsss. You really are filthy. "

When I finally threw away everything I needed I went out to wash my hands. I looked at Dalil's little face in the dirty mirror. I was no longer scared but I would have lied saying that it didn't always hurt to see him. And wasn't that supposed to be a lot more horrible? It's been a month, and sometimes in the evening I think back to this place where we were alone. But now, I was no longer afraid.

I don't know if that's how I was going to fix myself. I don't think it was because of him, but I was going to have to keep facing him.

And I believe he was ready to do it too.  
I will take care of myself.  
He will understand himself.

We have to deal with people who despise us, with those who love us. We must do it with those who abrupt us, with those who embarrass us.

We will live together.

There is nothing more we can do.

I hummed: one hand washes the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glossary :
> 
> Opera, Auber, and...are the name of metro station in case you didn't get it! 
> 
> 3yen : the action of giving the Evil Eye. In muslim culture it is really a common belief! 
> 
> UMLA stand for Une Main Lave l'Autre (A Hand Washes The Other) is the name of a rap album from 2019! Which I really like.


	30. We did it in the métro's toilets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or Louiza is surprised to realize that...She done it in the subway's toilets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Louiza finally showed up for Dalil's date! The storm is rumbling outside, but luckily they are safe ...

"You like rap music? "

I burst out laughing as I soaped my hands. Oh, God.

"Do YOU like rap music? "

What nerve he has.

"I don't know ... You seem more to sing that he's talking with an Anissa but that your name is Wejdene. "

I laughed. Because it was ridiculous in his mouth but still funny, and even if he didn't care he repeated it with the right rhythm. He was a complete idiot. And he was also calling me b-word indirectly, you could hear it. He deserved slaps.

“I'm listening to that too. It is a problem? I find you very contemptuous of a culture that you appropriate as if it were your own. "

"What? "

He frowned in the mirror looking like he didn't quite understand what I meant. Gentrification hun. It shows in the streetwear clothes that I couldn't even imagine touching he's wearing. His way of standing in this place like he was too tight for him and his long ass name. .

“Ah. Obviously. You understand nothing. "

"I understand that you are wasting my time. Let's get out of here, I'm super cold. "

"Stop lying, it's not cold inside. "

He walked towards the door and activated the clinge. Without success. What now?

"Oh, acting comfy right here? You don't want to put your hands on it. Look at my technique so as not to touch it. "

I grabbed a paper towel to open as usual. Without success.

What?

"Uh? "

"Well then the janitor's daughter? Did your social advancement make you forget your primary instincts?"

I ignored him and pulled more on the door. Fuck.

"It is closed? "

"What? Move." And this time he really grabbed the door handle without balking at touching it. I then thought back to the little sign in front of the hallway. Oh, oh.

“Damn, we're stupid. It's going to be closed. It's Sunday and the maintenance guys will come tomorrow ... "

He unsheathed his phone. But I did know. Here...

"Is it the Stone Age?" Are there no networks? "

"We're in the city basements, asshole!" 

I tried to look above us. The small window opened to the outside but was far too cramped for me to go through. Dalil wasn't an option. Whatever. I would have had no qualms about leaving it here. Dalil started to get angry and I tried to put my phone up, trying to pick up even a bar.

"If we know how to send men into orbit around the earth we should be able to -"

"I too would like the ESA's coffers to be emptied a little to inject it into the SNCF one, but I'm not the rich kid here! "

At that moment he started to cough.  
I jumped off my perch and rubbing my hands together I noticed he was approaching me. My blood has only turned around.

My body spoke first and I kicked it. It must have been the adrenaline rush because he fell straight to the ground. I wondered if I could kill him by beating him with toilet brushes when he coughed again. It was a nasty fall. I approached slowly.

"Are you dead? "

He let out a long moan before getting up. It must have sounded him enough to keep his distance. I got as far away as possible and we sat like that for at least half an hour. He was all red, and he hadn't said a single thing. His head tucked into his knees, he was breathing so hard I'm afraid they are sucking in all the oxygen in the room. I told him, but he didn't answer that either. He just coughed again.

I checked the time. 6:10 p.m. If no one came back by then. We would spend the night there. I was not enthusiastic. I don't like his babbling, but unlike his silence, it doesn't terrify me. I had to do something before I would have an panic attack.

I was dying because of heat, took off my jacket and would have taken off my sweatshirt too, but I was only wearing a t-shirt underneath. I didn't like this atmosphere. It was heavy. My shoe squealed against the drab tiles on the floor. I was doing a ponytail when he called out my name with a strange moan.

"Louiza"

A shiver ran through me.

"If you touch me, I'll bite my tongue hard enough to kill myself, d'you understand ?!" I was already up to punch him when I brushed his forehead with my fingertips. But ... he was just stranded on the ground, like a corpse of a whale. It suddenly seemed tiny to me, like it had shrunk in the rain.

“Dalil? "

I took off his cap, pressing my hand to his forehead. He was hot.

"Aah you haven't washed your hands, stop…" for a minute I thought he was going to turn his eye so I grabbed the back of his head.

I should let go.

That's what I thought.

I shouldn't care. It was his fault. I hadn't asked him anything. He was just inviting himself everywhere. More like impose himself everywhere.

"Louiza, you surely are telling tell yourself that I deserve all the insults ... And ... all the blows .."

And yes. Exactly. This is exactly what I am telling myself, and it is good that you are aware of it. But...

Haaa.

I know. I'm so stupid. That's what I came for, after all. I came to check that my stupidity was no different from his. I began to take off my sweatshirt. And I wrapped it around his neck. We stuck to the radiator which was still slightly hot but which will surely end up cooling down shortly. It was getting late. It was when he coughed again that I remembered that I had treasure in my bag.

I took out my water bottle and a box of tablets that I kept all the time.

" Open your mouth. "

" What's this? "

“Period pills, open your mouth. "

“But you're crazy! I ain't taking that! "

He was having a whim. I didn't really know what effect it could have on a boy, but I was sure of one thing: it calmed headaches. We had nothing to lose.

“Hmar! You caught a cold! I hope that's it! Shit! Now you do as I say!" What an idea to go out dressed like that. What an idea to wait for a girl you despise in the rain for hours.

He gave me a funny look all at once, but it was as if he had become more docile. He blushed when the fingers brushed his tongue but I ignored him. Dalil ended up drinking a sip of water and then he frowned. Orh.

“What a rotten place to have a fever. "

I took off my scarf and wrapped it around, rubbing his sweater. With toilet paper that I stuck on and water, I improvised a cold compress that I stuck on his head. He must have been so cold. For the trouble, I added my jacket and pulled his head on my knees as best I could.

And that was all I could do.

“We'll have to wait now. Take your pain patiently. Allah y chefik! "

"We're in a toilet ..."

“Oh shit! I meant ... Hmm..Courage. "

He was breathing hard, and his large, tight body was shaking a little less than a few minutes ago. I don't know what stupid reason I ran a hand through her hair like my mom did with me. But that was enough for him to push his head into my legs, much less tense.

I could only think of my parents who were probably going to prepare for my funeral. Or die of worry before I get there.

"Are your parents going to be worried?" He smirked his voice muffled in the fabric of my jeans.

“Just like yours will. "

“It's been a while since last I saw them. "

"What do you mean? "

He coughed before answering me. Eurk .. On my jeans.

“I live here on my own. In the loft. My parents are in Doha. "

The capital of Qatar. Waah. It's rather far on the map.

He was talking about the one he took me to last time. All alone, in this big apartment? For me who follows always encumbered by noise it is something enviable but in reality ... Would I like a life of solitude?

"Don't you feel too abandoned?" I dared, probably because he didn't look like a tyrannical leader or daddy's boy anymore. Because he looked like nothing at all with his small eyes and his pale complexion.

Wait? Am I feeling sorry...for him? 

“Don't try pop psychology. It doesn't suit you. "

At that moment he looked up at mine with difficulty. And frankly, he was a lot less scary all of a sudden. I couldn't help but giggle. It is true that it did not suit me.

“Ah, I couldn't understand. My building is sealed in the asphalt, your mansion floats on an artificial island. There's no point in discussing it. "

“It's not a mansion. "

" It's a detail. "

"It's like saying you're talking to an Anissa when the person concerned is a Wejdene." 

I stared at him for a long moment, my face hanging over his. But contrary to what I expected, he was dead serious. My laughter echoed between the grimy walls of the toilets.

"You're talking nonsense ... You have to start rambling. You should sleep. "

But he still didn't look down, he continued to stare at me. Despite his heavy and bulging eyelids, over his glistening, seized eyes. The sight troubled me, but not as much as what he said next.

“I'm trying to speak a language you can understand."

Arabic in addition. Maybe that's the problem from the start, we talk without understanding each other. I don't really know if we can fix this, if it can make us feel better. I do not see the point in truth, yet ... there is indeed a language that we use can follow.

"You only talk about Wejdene but ... I also like Fairouz, and the sound my father's cassettes make when he listens to Oum Kalthoum. "

I don't know what I said that was so surprising, by the way, I didn't say anything very special at all. Yet Dalil suddenly straightened up to look me straight in the face. His dark pupils had something more vivid. Perhaps it was the feeling of coldness that had eased. His gaze slid to my lips, and in response to that I looked at his. I felt the lump in my stomach. You could still see the bite mark I had made there. It lasted a fraction of a second before he sighed as he grabbed my sweatshirt and made a pillow that he threw himself on.

"I'll try to sleep. Don't do anything to my beautiful face. "

I don't know if it was on purpose that he walked away, but that relieved me. I sat down next to him, and stared at the sizzling neon lights of the automatic lights that eventually went out. You could hear his breathing, and with all the things I had to think about, about my parents, my classes, Louis, the days without him, there was no sound.

We did it in the subway's toilets. We found a way to talk without yelling at each other. And there is still a lot of stuff that I don't understand, but it doesn't have to be very important. This is what I thought as I made room for myself under my scarf. I have to move on, and so he does. But I have the right to do it as I wish. And I who had been dispossessed of so much, it did me, so much good.

When in the morning I heard the sound of the lock and understood that we were finally released, it was past 5 am. I ignored the fact that my thighs were tangled with Dalil's and got up, aching. All the joints of my body were in pain, and I gave a light kick in the knee of the baby sleeping, wrapped in my scarf.

"Oh my God! Cried a mustached man, what are you doing here? "

“We got locked up, M'sieur. "

"It's not a place to do crap. "

What?

I felt the red come in my cheeks, and I was definitely not there alone. We came out like two arrows from the metro, more embarrassed than anything else. Dalil was woozy, and I helped him walk because his head was still spinning.

“You should stay home today." And after that I yawned really hard. The first buses barely passed in the street, and the pale morning light was too much of an affront after the strange night we had just spent. I finally let him go in front of the first cab we found on the street.

"Louiza .., began Dalil, I ..."

" No, nothing. "

But he sighed, before rushing into the car. He was still wearing my scarf, but I couldn't find the energy to point it out to him.

The cab door slammed shut before leaving with a damp roar, and that's how this ridiculous adventure ended.  
Each on our side of the line, I let the image of my Reeboks against his Balenciagas crumble in the dull landscapes of the RER A.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok! 
> 
> Some explanations...Anissa is a song recorded by the French-tunisian r'n'b artist Wejdene which was (and still in a way) really popular. It's not a masterpiece, and lot of people made fun of how simple the song was. Although, the song is catchy, and fun! It relates the cheating of the singer's boyfriend with Anissa (her cousin!!)! The lyrics I used are literally "You're talking with some girl named Anissa, but mine is Wejdene " girl probably find out while looking though his phone......Here I used it in the "you're talking about something, while I'm talking about another" and I though it was really cool in this context. (Also Wejdene is coming from de same place as Louiza Mazrani! The clip got the weird Parisian/outskirts vibe aesthetic I'm playing with is the story so if you're curious : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2l-X9M6zAo )


	31. Hello, Upper East Sidders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza gets a taste of the doubtful joy of socializing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Après avoir passé un date désastreux avec Dalil dans les toilettes du métro, il faut bien retourner en cours....

Things started to get serious weird the following Monday.

Usually, someone should always have forced my locker to put something yucky or nab a thing from me (Cnf. Dalil). Except this time everything was normal and worse: it was fixed. The latch was new and the door no longer made that horrible squeak.

What was that again.

My head felt heavy from the yelling session my folks juste gave me. Frankly, it was less bad than I would have thought. Thank goodness on receiving a panic call from my mother, Harm 'had the clarity of mind to say that I was crashing at her place. 

I sneaked back in the morning, after she went to work. My father was snoring in his room, since his accident he has been slipping. It was my chance to get my uniform and my discreet school bag back.

But this morning playing it 007. I accepted that maybe my luck had turned.

And so that, we could say that this rotation was 180.

The freshmen which had taken a lot of pleasure to make fun of my mouth had stopped by I do not know what miracle, the students of my level had started to greet me and the seniors who in general ignored me, were starring at me curiously in the hallway.

Al Hamdoullilah I had showered, to be honest I had hesitated this morning for lack of being late or of being caught. I must have had terrible dark circles and I was stiff from my horrible night.

Maybe that's why when the girls in my class greeted me all by offering to try to tie my hair, lend me concealer, or juice, I've let it sink.

I was waiting for the blow in the neck, but the shitstorm never came. Looking at myself in the reflection of my cell phone I noticed that I looked much prettier than when I arrived - make up tricks!-. I never did a ponytail, but I should be staring! Everything was going way too well until Emilie Marceau, my neighbor, asked me how went my date. Hah?

I bit down on a freshly varnished nail, wondering how I got around the question. I didn't want her to talk too loudly about it.

"It wasn't really a ... How do you know?" I cut, suddenly realizing that was not the point.

Emilie put a blonde lock behind her ear while handing me her cell phone. There was a photo of me and Dalil in the street, a photo that had been taken and it was on the high school spotted instagram!

My surprise must have been seen on my face before Emilie chuckled.

"You'll have to get used to it. The photo was posted around 7am! You must have spent the weekend together, lucky you! "

What?

"Get used to it"

What?

"Posted at 7am!"

WHAT?

"Weekend together"

Weekend together. Weekend together.

No no! I spent the weekend working, then at the market with my mother and then in the metro toilets against my will! There was no question of anyone together!

So why was she looking at me like that? Why was everyone looking at me like that?

Lord, I'm going to pass out. What is this implication? Is it legal? I grabbed my cell phone to report the photo before remembering that the asshole I'm pulling by the arm on the pic made me burn my whole package! The idea of stealing Emilie's cell phone to delete it crossed my mind because for real, Gossip girl was much nicer to watch than to live.

At the same time, I received a message from Camille asking the same question as me.

"Why is everyone saying you dated Dalil?"

My head was going to explode. No matter how much I looked fresher, I was at the bottom of my vital energy. Not even the bell that marked the lunch belle could do anything to make me emerge. I had to wander around the school for a while, dragged along by Emilie Marceau and her friends.

"I can't believe it's Flouss-Less-Lou!" "

"Cut the crap"

Hearing their voices in the hallway, my first instinct would have been to pack up. But the “Oh! who's here! Alistair threw quickly nailed me down.

I know why I blushed when I saw Dalil. It's because he blushed first and also because I could really feel the romantic tension in the air. Except it wasn't mine, but that of all the morons around who were running their turbines at a hundred miles an hour.

"Hello" he said as if it burned his throat. Still it might have been the case. A few hours ago, he was lying on the floor of the toilets at the Richelieu station, and now he is there.

" D'you fell better?" I asked, clumsily as possible.

He nodded slowly, obviously very embarrassed. He must have sensed the innuendo too. Silas' fat laugh didn't help.

"Are you six years old or what?" "

" Shut up! "

I waited for him to speak. To explain. Even to make fun of me. Something like, “Me? With poor-girl-Lou? Have y'all take a look at her?"

But he didn't say anything. Even though I sent him lighthouse calls, he just blushed even more. I want to shake him down.

"So Louiza, did you spend twenty-four hours together?" Sounds like the name of a movie! » Commented Alistair who had approached me, his blue eyes shining like police flashing lights.

"Uh..Well, he laughed-"

But I didn't have time to be able to say anything as the bell rang again in the hallway.

"See you later, Louiza" articulated Dalil who had interrupted his bickering with Silas to stare at me for a moment. And like that, they disappeared into the hallway, without clarifying anything at all.

It pissed me off, his silence. But I would have lied that it was not pleasant that girls who don't calculate me that much in general speak to me, giggle next to me, hang with me in the classroom. And everything I could dream of for my school life was offered to me for this small sum? Only a photograph?

So yes, they were interested and she would surely eject me if they knew they were completely mistaken about the situation, but it had been so long since I felt like I was a part of a class group... Since middle school! My own cowardice surprised me again, but there was nothing I could do but get caught in this heartwarming net. Maybe this silly rumor would spell the end of a long and lonely fall?

Because if that could save from my status of proletarian martyr for a few more months.

A sigh escaped me with a movement of my ponytail.

I should thank Dalil for letting it flow. Maybe he really wanted to make peace. That's what I thought the rest of the day, before I got caught out of class.

"Louiza? That little marinating accent in a thin voice, I knew it well.

"Mirjana? How have you been since the last time? She cut me off in thought as I dragged down the main staircase.

" Yes! Thanks for helping me! "

" It's normal! Men are trash. You are so pretty too !! We won't let them. "

She seemed to be very embarrassed for me to tell her but it was an indisputable fact. Perhaps she must have been too young to realize it.

"Finally," she repeated a little more calmly, "Men are trash?" Yet you go out with one of them. "

I stared at her for a moment, not sure what to say. I think I could have told it to her, but I had other people in the hallway and if I could enjoy that silence a little longer.

"The dilemma of the woke woman" I quipped. But my reflection was drowned in a more serious cry.

"Pretty girl in sight! "

Not them. Again.

"Are you going out with them then?" She asked me, zipping in the direction of the F4. I sighed. Another problem. It is true that she had invited me several times to go out but I had always refused. Camille can adapt to this kind of atmosphere, but it's because he can drink when I don't like it more than that. I must have upset her by making excuses.

"I'm sorry," she said suddenly, really! I don't want to force you but .. I hope that doesn't make you push back the next few times. "

Oh and then ... If I try hard for that moron Dalil, I can do it for someone else!

"You know ... It's..not really my cup of tea but..I can try... "

"Of course," she said gently, "you are so cool! When Camille introduced me to you I was so happy. I was afraid of not fitting in here and you even if everyone was leading you to have it hard, you never let go! "

"Ah uh ... well! "

"I know I have to embarrass you but I want to tell you!" I am so in awe of who you are Louiza, it's a breath of fresh air. Besides ... I'm not here alone to think so! "

She turned her gaze to the boys who were approaching us, mischievous. I was really embarrassed that she was referring to F4s like that because we weren't anything like that, and I mostly wasn't as brave as she claimed, but hey. A compliment is a compliment. It warmed my heart as much as it burned it. I had noticed that she was a little different from the other girls, when there was no reason for it. My eyes searched for Louis' haggard face. In my memory it hangs out somewhere behind! Alistair and Silas. And the heat immediately returned. A breath of fresh air, she said. I understood now, it was worth a white lie. Beside such an innocent and jovial girl, I was ashamed to be sneaky and so brooding. But, maybe I was lucky too!

"I understand ... I think. I had someone like that too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EYO! Grrr long chapter for the next arc! It's been a long time mdrrr ... Life is hard ok?
> 
> I like to take a lot of advance to be able to post at ease but I must admit that I have dropped out a bit (other projects, classes, etc, ...)
> 
> But I did not give up and if you are there, it is because you neither!
> 
> Happy New Year, let's spend there together with Louiza, Dalil and the extent of their bullshit !!


	32. Girls just want to have fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Louiza just wants what girls want

"In any case! I was looking for you to suggest you go to out tonight, do you mind? "

"Go out during the week? My pencil was banging against my sheet nervously. I was not very into it. My parents who were pretty chill about this were going to start tightening the screw.

"I feel ... Depressed from the last time I would really like to take my mind off it. It's not really my type But ... "

Oh. Her sad look of a girl who has been abused. How could I tell her "no"? Especially after the conversation we had just exchanged. My parents would have to get used to it!

“Ok. Let's go out! But not late! "

And in a cry of joy, night fell and we went out. I lied to my parents telling them that I had to go to the theater for the French class. I really blamed myself when they pulled out a 20 euros bill to make sure I wouldn't be deprived of anything. I kept it in my pocket, I'll slip it into their wallet later.

I still had Harm's sister's vinyl skirt, with a little black mesh t-shirt and her thigh high boots, it could go more or less everywhere.

When I joined Mirjana at the entrance of a bar, I was uncomfortable. And it was more about a bank account. I didn't like this kind of place, I was traumatized by my one and only night of drinking, and I who had sworn that I would be taken back there again, yet I went back again.

“Louiza! You came! It's cool! "

"Yes, I grumbled and shuddered in my jacket, though ... Are you sure we can go home as a minor?" 

“Don't worry! This club is suitable for people our age! "

"Aren't you making this up? God, I was skeptical. There was absolutely no reason why a place that offered alcohol to minors when they were supposed to be in class the next day should be very legal. But Mirjana reassured me with a wave of her hand.

" I assure you! I don't like the other places either. But here, it's really clean, it's just that you're not use to it!"

Ha! And, it's true after all. I never went out of my zone and Mirjana was different from the other girls in my high school besides also being younger. No reason for it to go wrong, and at worst, I'll leave! The bouncer let us pass without a hitch by designating Mirjana by her first name, it surprised me but it had to prove his point. She was a regular. I put my phone on silent, a little more relaxed.

The bass of the music hitting against the walls of the box and the incessant movements of the fluorescent lights would have done well to make me dizzy if Mirjana had not taken my hand. We sat in a quieter corner. By calm I mean, after my brain disconnected all of my sensory signals at the sight of prices on the menu. We discussed the start of classes, some rumors about the girls in our school, ..

"Do you mind that I put you in a insta story?" she asked.

Since I was followed by approximately zero people from our high school ....

"Uh, not really ..."

" Cool! She looked happy to do a boomerang and although I still looked tired, my hair pulled back gave my lids something less droopy.

“Louiza, you are really photogenic, I envy you! "

What a nice lie!

"You are a hundred million times prettier than me but, I take it! "

"No, I assure you ... I would really like to take a pictures of you, don't you mind?" "

Here she goes with her puppy look again. But it was so sweet. I wasn't going to tell her, right? Then ... It's true that I was a bit pretty tonight.

She took several photos of me with her iPhone, which unlike my phone has a sick quality, even on night mode. I was torn between feeling like a clown or a supermodel when we were interrupted by a blond boy with green eyes.

I was so surprised that I spilled my four bucks coke on the table.

"Loui-? "

“Thomas? Said Mirjana at the same time. And suddenly, the light was brighter on our side. I must have been hallucinating, but the boy in front of us may have had translucent skin, light eyes, and disheveled hair, he was far too tall and strong to come out of my memories.

"Thomas, said Mirjana, is that you?" "

"Yes, you're Mirjana from Tinder, aren't you? "

Oh.

"Am I interrupting something?" I asked a little embarrassed to be the third wheel.

" No! Mirjana told me, it's just that we have been discussing together for a few days. I didn't expect to see you anytime soon! "

" The same. But great minds do meet, hun? "

They chatted for a while recommending things to drink. At the sight of the stuff, it looked like fruit juice but the smell of Garance's birthday was still too fresh in my head.

"Are you sure I can drink this?" 

"But yes! Said Mirjana! It's fruit juice! Don't worry, the smell comes from the room! "

I winced, but drank it anyway. It is true that it was sweet. Maybe it really was the smell of the room. And my throat was way too dry anyway. I had relaxed a bit with the photos and the discussions, but the sudden appearance of Louis' ghost disturbed me. I had thought of him during the day, and now he came out of my dream to talk to me.

At that moment, the Thomas in question turned to me and smiled. It hurt me. He really looked like Louis. I had to get up for a moment to get over it.

But he stopped me.

"Going away? There was a small accent in his voice. Germanic. Too bad, I had taken Spanish class.

“Uh, no, no! And I sat down almost automatically. Taking my pain patiently. My sticky arm would be a good way to focus on something other than just sticking out of my memories.

I miss Louis.

I often think about it.

All the time, moreover.

He speaks, he speaks and I am not hearing anything other than Louis's voice, his slow tone, his complicated words. I try to avoid thinking about it but it's impossible. He's with Garance in Tokyo. They live happily, they live hidden.

I have no news. Louis is a kind of alien of our generation. He's not on the networks (I know it from having stalked it ...) and Garance had deleted everything. His beta version asked me basic questions, where are you from, you have light hair for a north african girl, how you ended up in this school. I answered mechanically. By trying to avoid crossing his green orbs as much as possible, I want a dream to remain.

"Louiza? Are you okay?" Asked Mirjana.

"I'm going to the bathroom, rinse all that, I'm coming back!"

“Ok, Lou! I'm not moving from here! "

She must have been happy that I also gave her some space to talk to her boy. I didn't come back a few minutes later, after gazing at my face covered in foundation and melted kohl in the mirror, wondering if I would cry, without having managed to shed any tears. I made a point, I must move on. And when I finally decided to go out, it was to find a Mirjana who, unlike me, had not been able to hold back her tears. I took a sip. It was going to be a long evening.

"My phone! It disappeared!"

Fuck. We just wanted to have fun.

"And Thomas? "

This time it was dry worship. I was right.

Men are trash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm not super comfortable with this narrative arc, I'm trying to do my best, to stay true to the original but I don't know if I'm getting it there, so if I'm not entitled to your indulgence, I will not be against the idea of knowing why! 
> 
> I really hope I can keep posting often, thanks for reading !!


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